7.27.2011
7.24.2011
Dating Hiatus
My posts about my own dating trials and tribulations have been lacking as of late. I have taken an impromptu dating hiatus. It isn't really on purpose, more just because I haven't been actively dating. I have so much other stuff going on right now, it is kind of the least of my worries. I have had a few dates but nothing exciting happened, oddly enough.
So, until I'm out and about on the dating scene, check out the old posts here.
peace,
l
So, until I'm out and about on the dating scene, check out the old posts here.
peace,
l
7.06.2011
30% boyfriend
This morning I came to the conclusion that I'd like a 30% boyfriend. What is a 30% boyfriend, you ask? It's basically a part-time boyfriend. A little less than part-time, really. The reason is this: I don't think I'm "ready" for a full on relationship. It scares me a little bit. I'm not ready to give up my single girl life in exchange for being someone's girlfriend.
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You see, my life is pretty good. I have a good job, I like my apartment and my roommate and I are civil. I have a great group of friends. In fact, I have a few different groups of friends. I like to be social and usually go out 2 -3 nights a week. The other nights, if I'm around, I like to do my own thing (see: Secret Single Behavior).
Many of my friends, actually most of my friends, are in serious relationships or are *gasp* married. I'm slowing but surely losing out on my single wingwomen. So, there are times when I think, well I'd really like to do this, but I wish I had a boyfriend to do this with me (ex: rent a canoe and go around the lake, rent bikes and go biking, go to the movies on a rainy day, go camping, watch outdoor movies)! I usually stop myself half way through the statement and kick myself a little bit. Yes, I can do those things with my single lady friends - and I do! - but wouldn't it be fun to do it with a cute boy that likes to flirt with me?!?!
Back to the point. If I just had a special man friend, my 30% BF, I could call him when I want to do something spur of the moment. My 30% BF & I are friends and we like hanging out. We'll go out to dinner and laugh and maybe even cuddle over night and have a sleepover every now and then. Note: He is not a friends with benefit type of guy, because in that situation someone ends up hurt. He is pretty cute, but not a smokin' hottie. Because they have egos. But he's nice, too. And a great kisser. But, I digress.
Whenever I talk about dating with people more wise than I am - older coworkers and friends, my grandma, etc - I get the same thing.
And this freaks me out. So, if I don't get into a SERIOUS real relationship but rather have my 30% boyfriend until I'm done growing up, then when I'm really ready, I will be all set and ready to rock the relationship!
And sometimes, a girl just wants a hot make out session with someone she knows doesn't have horribly ill intentions that isn't a stranger.
You see, my life is pretty good. I have a good job, I like my apartment and my roommate and I are civil. I have a great group of friends. In fact, I have a few different groups of friends. I like to be social and usually go out 2 -3 nights a week. The other nights, if I'm around, I like to do my own thing (see: Secret Single Behavior).
Many of my friends, actually most of my friends, are in serious relationships or are *gasp* married. I'm slowing but surely losing out on my single wingwomen. So, there are times when I think, well I'd really like to do this, but I wish I had a boyfriend to do this with me (ex: rent a canoe and go around the lake, rent bikes and go biking, go to the movies on a rainy day, go camping, watch outdoor movies)! I usually stop myself half way through the statement and kick myself a little bit. Yes, I can do those things with my single lady friends - and I do! - but wouldn't it be fun to do it with a cute boy that likes to flirt with me?!?!
Back to the point. If I just had a special man friend, my 30% BF, I could call him when I want to do something spur of the moment. My 30% BF & I are friends and we like hanging out. We'll go out to dinner and laugh and maybe even cuddle over night and have a sleepover every now and then. Note: He is not a friends with benefit type of guy, because in that situation someone ends up hurt. He is pretty cute, but not a smokin' hottie. Because they have egos. But he's nice, too. And a great kisser. But, I digress.
Whenever I talk about dating with people more wise than I am - older coworkers and friends, my grandma, etc - I get the same thing.
"You're so young!"
"You're going to change so much and be so different when you're 28/29/30"
"Stay single! Live it up!"
And this freaks me out. So, if I don't get into a SERIOUS real relationship but rather have my 30% boyfriend until I'm done growing up, then when I'm really ready, I will be all set and ready to rock the relationship!
And sometimes, a girl just wants a hot make out session with someone she knows doesn't have horribly ill intentions that isn't a stranger.
disclaimer: I've done a lot of dating as of late and I have not, in fact, had a "30% boyfriend". Although it sounds like an ideal situation, it probably doesn't exist. It's probably a little bit selfish on my part. I'm not currently accepting applications for said less-than-part-time-boyfriend. I do also realize that in any healthy relationship, I won't jump into it and be 100% in after a week. A healthy dating situation would result in slowly moving into something more serious.
5.29.2011
People do that?
Disclaimer: This story was told to me by a good friend of mine. We were sharing our online dating horror stories, and this was her most recent, uh, bad one. This is how I recall the story. It was WAY better when she shared it. I may not have every detail down but the main point of the story is there. Also: there is an actual shirtless male photo in this blog. If this makes you uncomfortable, click here.
My friend has been ona certain online dating site that shall remain nameless match.com for a few months. She had exchanged a few messages with this guy, and then they moved to exchanging phone numbers. They had tried to arrange a time to talk on the phone, but their schedules just weren't matching up. The man had texted her and asked if she was interested in him sending her a photo. She explained that she told him that she had seen his photos on his profile, so she was okay and didn't need any pictures from him. She also shared that her phone was dying but she would try to call him later that night.
He proceeded to send her a picture of himself. This was a "normal" self-photo, the kind where you hold the camera (or cell phone) with both hands in front of you and snap the picture. Her phone subsequently died and she did not respond to the message, but when she powered her phone back up a few hours later she was surprised to see another picture message from said man.
The second photo has a lot going on. I have blocked off the face but please, note a couple of things in the photo...
The Story.
My friend has been on
He proceeded to send her a picture of himself. This was a "normal" self-photo, the kind where you hold the camera (or cell phone) with both hands in front of you and snap the picture. Her phone subsequently died and she did not respond to the message, but when she powered her phone back up a few hours later she was surprised to see another picture message from said man.
The second photo has a lot going on. I have blocked off the face but please, note a couple of things in the photo...
1. The hand gesture
2. The jeans, two buttons undone
Enter, break for laughter.
Now, upon receipt of this photo, my friend shared with me that she wasn't quite sure what to do but she most definitely knew she had no desire to a) talk on the phone with this guy or b) go on a date with this guy. He also had sent another text saying that he hoped he didn't offend her. Shortly after this, he CALLED her, to which she ignored, and he left a voice mail. The next morning he texted her again saying that he hoped he hadn't offended her, she was a beautiful woman and, I quote, she "needed a man like him". She did delete his number and hasn't heard from him since the incident but my question is, really? People do this?
I didn't know that sending unsolicited self-taken shirtless mirror pics was a thing. All I know is that I seriously question any man that lacks the better judgement skills of not only TAKING the mirror shot, but also sending it to a complete stranger. Little did he know, the woman who "needs a man like him" happens to have friends who think it is a hilarious story and has no problem sharing it with the interwebs. Hey, there is a reason he's single, and I'm sure this is just one of them.
Best of luck to this man and any lucky lady from match.com that gets to date him.
2. The jeans, two buttons undone
Enter, break for laughter.
Now, upon receipt of this photo, my friend shared with me that she wasn't quite sure what to do but she most definitely knew she had no desire to a) talk on the phone with this guy or b) go on a date with this guy. He also had sent another text saying that he hoped he didn't offend her. Shortly after this, he CALLED her, to which she ignored, and he left a voice mail. The next morning he texted her again saying that he hoped he hadn't offended her, she was a beautiful woman and, I quote, she "needed a man like him". She did delete his number and hasn't heard from him since the incident but my question is, really? People do this?
I didn't know that sending unsolicited self-taken shirtless mirror pics was a thing. All I know is that I seriously question any man that lacks the better judgement skills of not only TAKING the mirror shot, but also sending it to a complete stranger. Little did he know, the woman who "needs a man like him" happens to have friends who think it is a hilarious story and has no problem sharing it with the interwebs. Hey, there is a reason he's single, and I'm sure this is just one of them.
Best of luck to this man and any lucky lady from match.com that gets to date him.
5.17.2011
Why I Won't Hook Up With You
So if you want me, I don't come cheap.
Keep my hand in your hand
& your heart on your sleeve.
::k.clarkson
It has taken me a while to get to a place where I am today. Where I can confidently say, no, I won't hook up with you. Because, to be honest, in the past I haven't been strong enough. I equated sex with love. I thought if I gave it up, I'd get a relationship. It took tears, heartbreak and years to find out otherwise. So I have this to say.
Dear every man that has tried to hook up with me:
I won't do it.
I won't hook up with you.
I'm better than that.
I don't WANT that.
I don't want to feel used and abused.
I want to be loved.
Not taken advantage of.
I don't know where you get off thinking that I don't want anything more than a hot night of sex.
Am I not worthy?
I hope that the man who I end up in a relationship with will respect me for the simple reason that I do not hook up.
5.16.2011
without you.
this life
this love
that you and I've been building up so high
It’s never gonna touch the sky
without you
5.10.2011
oh, hey.
summer. is. finally. here. I think? Supposed to be 90 degrees or something today. This is amazing, actually.
things that are happening soon:
::bachelorette party this weekend. my very first one. ya know, the big hoo-rah party, with penis straws and such. we're going to grand casino hinckley. staying overnight. 25 women. whoa. oh and i'm planning it. and none of the restaurants in the casino take reservations.
::wedding showers. parties.
::gym. yoga. walks.
::tracy's wedding on June 3rd.
::babysitting tracy'sbaby 14 month old for 3 days (insert tiny panic attack. whatifhedoesntlikeme).
::amanda's wedding & solo road trip to Madison.
::finishing up classes. oh yeah & about that. I suck at college. I cannot focus on literature.
backstreet boys + new kids on the block concert {NKOTBSB}
britney spears + nicki minaj
Ke$ha
my 24th birthday
the beach
::dating? haha. right. no. non-existent.
::& i'm kind of having a quarterlifecrisis. the kind where you wonder what you're doing with your life. are you doing the right stuff? am i wasting time?
things that are happening soon:
::bachelorette party this weekend. my very first one. ya know, the big hoo-rah party, with penis straws and such. we're going to grand casino hinckley. staying overnight. 25 women. whoa. oh and i'm planning it. and none of the restaurants in the casino take reservations.
::wedding showers. parties.
::gym. yoga. walks.
 |
| http://weheartit.com/entry/9623660 |
::tracy's wedding on June 3rd.
::babysitting tracy's
::amanda's wedding & solo road trip to Madison.
::finishing up classes. oh yeah & about that. I suck at college. I cannot focus on literature.
backstreet boys + new kids on the block concert {NKOTBSB}
britney spears + nicki minaj
Ke$ha
my 24th birthday
the beach
::dating? haha. right. no. non-existent.
::& i'm kind of having a quarterlifecrisis. the kind where you wonder what you're doing with your life. are you doing the right stuff? am i wasting time?
3.30.2011
follow-up: after thoughts of dead fish guy & real date #1 with lunch guy from saturday is tonight.
Dead fish guy inspired this post. I liked his profile when I read it, minus the obscene amount of photos of him with dead fish. But, I overlooked that. We met up at an Irish bar just on the edge of downtown Saint Paul.
Let me step back and give a little background of DFG. He is from a town about 30 miles outside of the city. He works in construction. He's a total "guy's guy", from what I could tell. Definitely could fall under the "hick" category.
Now, I am more of the city-girl type, and I have no shame in this. BUT I really liked his profile and I sent HIM a message. After exchanging a few emails we decided to get together. I was going to squeeze him in last weekend, but I didn't. So, fast forward and we grabbed dinner on Tuesday night. This turned into drinks after dinner at a neighboring bar. It was a blast, we had a great time, and great conversation and we really connected. He drove me home and dropped me off. There was no awkward kissing moment, thankfully. Surpringsly, I would say this was the best of the 3 I've been on in the past 5 days!
But now it's 5pm the next day I haven't heard from him. So now I am kind of overthinking it - was I too sassy? I was pretty dressy for a Tuesday in a dress, tights and heels but I came right from work! He, on the other hand, was wearing carpenter jeans & work boots.
I asked my good friend Ben and he said that contacting someone after a date in under 24 hours seems desperate and over 48 hours, he is not interested. SO, the two day rule? I think it's dumb, but whatevs.
Tonight I am going to the Science Museum of MN for their first Social Science event. It's a 21+ event featuring alcoholic beverages and appetizers along with things like human pictionary and photo booth. Fun?
I'm nervous, he is a very nice and sweet guy and we had good conversation. He also likes good beer (i.e. not Bud Light) but kind is of awkward. On a side note, I think he has a tick. He kind of scratches his head whenever he gets nervous. And I think he might be a virgin. We had a very awkward hug after lunch. The good news is that he is definitely over 6' so I can wear heels tonight with my jeans. I've let my Twitter friends know to pretend I don't exist as the *last* thing I need is for him to find my Twitter account... and this blog.
Until next time.
Leah
Let me step back and give a little background of DFG. He is from a town about 30 miles outside of the city. He works in construction. He's a total "guy's guy", from what I could tell. Definitely could fall under the "hick" category.
Now, I am more of the city-girl type, and I have no shame in this. BUT I really liked his profile and I sent HIM a message. After exchanging a few emails we decided to get together. I was going to squeeze him in last weekend, but I didn't. So, fast forward and we grabbed dinner on Tuesday night. This turned into drinks after dinner at a neighboring bar. It was a blast, we had a great time, and great conversation and we really connected. He drove me home and dropped me off. There was no awkward kissing moment, thankfully. Surpringsly, I would say this was the best of the 3 I've been on in the past 5 days!
But now it's 5pm the next day I haven't heard from him. So now I am kind of overthinking it - was I too sassy? I was pretty dressy for a Tuesday in a dress, tights and heels but I came right from work! He, on the other hand, was wearing carpenter jeans & work boots.
I asked my good friend Ben and he said that contacting someone after a date in under 24 hours seems desperate and over 48 hours, he is not interested. SO, the two day rule? I think it's dumb, but whatevs.
Tonight I am going to the Science Museum of MN for their first Social Science event. It's a 21+ event featuring alcoholic beverages and appetizers along with things like human pictionary and photo booth. Fun?
I'm nervous, he is a very nice and sweet guy and we had good conversation. He also likes good beer (i.e. not Bud Light) but kind is of awkward. On a side note, I think he has a tick. He kind of scratches his head whenever he gets nervous. And I think he might be a virgin. We had a very awkward hug after lunch. The good news is that he is definitely over 6' so I can wear heels tonight with my jeans. I've let my Twitter friends know to pretend I don't exist as the *last* thing I need is for him to find my Twitter account... and this blog.
Until next time.
Leah
3.29.2011
The one with the dating posts.
I've decided to compile a blog post with all of my past blogs that are about dating experiences, good or bad. Some are emo, some are silly. Some are personal, others aren't as personal.
friendly PSA for guys that are online dating, March 2011 - Since I've decided to re-embark (is that a word?) in online dating, I've notice so many things wrong with guys' profiles... Yikes.
options for single girls these days, october 2010 - I briefly talk about some experiences I've had that prove to me that the more you date, the more open-minded you have to be.
secret single behavior, september 2010 - This is one of my favorite posts. We all have SSB's, I highlight my personal favorites of my own.
my stupid mouth, september 2010 - I think with dating, you ALWAYS learn something about yourself. I learned, and continue to learn, that my mouth usually gets me in trouble.
the open letter to Corey, september 2010 - Corey is one that *still* tugs at my heart strings... (he's officially out of my life)... but I opened my heart and wrote a letter I know he'd never read or see. PS: why would I even want to be with someone that does these things?
learning through others, september 2010 - One of my good friends was actively dating and I got to hear a lot about her experiences. I highlight a specific situation.
apparently I'm not long term relationship material, september 2010 - haha, I have to laugh at myself. I was bummed out that all of these dates continued to just end after that, a couple dates. I like the photos I found.
don't let me go, august 2010 - Ouch. Other CH post. What a mess. (Kind of emo post)
once a cheater, always a cheater? august 2010 - Should you be honest about your past? Do you want a potential significant other to tell you the truth, even if it's brutal?
"since you're over me now, can we be friends?" august 2010 - Can you be friends with an ex? (note, emo mentions of CH again. Ugh!)
note to self, july 2010 - Ah yes. He's just NOT that into you.
das boot, june 2010 - the one where I explain the "cycle of Corey". *sigh* See - I understood it. I just didn't ACT on it.
the trouble with dating... june 2010 - I have no patience and I hate waiting for things. This is why I have trouble dating. (author's note, I have changed this habit immensely. I have pushed dating to the back burner, therefore I don't sit and wonder what is going on. I figure if someone actually wants to go out, they'll do it. Progress, Leah!)
success! june 2010 - recap of a date. (note: although nothing romantically happened with this guy, we are still friends and grab drinks now and then. Nice guy, that R2P.)
Enjoy!
L
friendly PSA for guys that are online dating, March 2011 - Since I've decided to re-embark (is that a word?) in online dating, I've notice so many things wrong with guys' profiles... Yikes.
options for single girls these days, october 2010 - I briefly talk about some experiences I've had that prove to me that the more you date, the more open-minded you have to be.
secret single behavior, september 2010 - This is one of my favorite posts. We all have SSB's, I highlight my personal favorites of my own.
my stupid mouth, september 2010 - I think with dating, you ALWAYS learn something about yourself. I learned, and continue to learn, that my mouth usually gets me in trouble.
the open letter to Corey, september 2010 - Corey is one that *still* tugs at my heart strings... (he's officially out of my life)... but I opened my heart and wrote a letter I know he'd never read or see. PS: why would I even want to be with someone that does these things?
learning through others, september 2010 - One of my good friends was actively dating and I got to hear a lot about her experiences. I highlight a specific situation.
apparently I'm not long term relationship material, september 2010 - haha, I have to laugh at myself. I was bummed out that all of these dates continued to just end after that, a couple dates. I like the photos I found.
don't let me go, august 2010 - Ouch. Other CH post. What a mess. (Kind of emo post)
once a cheater, always a cheater? august 2010 - Should you be honest about your past? Do you want a potential significant other to tell you the truth, even if it's brutal?
"since you're over me now, can we be friends?" august 2010 - Can you be friends with an ex? (note, emo mentions of CH again. Ugh!)
note to self, july 2010 - Ah yes. He's just NOT that into you.
das boot, june 2010 - the one where I explain the "cycle of Corey". *sigh* See - I understood it. I just didn't ACT on it.
the trouble with dating... june 2010 - I have no patience and I hate waiting for things. This is why I have trouble dating. (author's note, I have changed this habit immensely. I have pushed dating to the back burner, therefore I don't sit and wonder what is going on. I figure if someone actually wants to go out, they'll do it. Progress, Leah!)
success! june 2010 - recap of a date. (note: although nothing romantically happened with this guy, we are still friends and grab drinks now and then. Nice guy, that R2P.)
Enjoy!
L
3.23.2011
3 dates in one weekend?
Confession: I enjoy dating.
I'm always up for being set up. I have a profile on a couple different online sites. I live my life just like normal but if someone offers to set me up with someone, I'm all in. If anything, I either get a great story out of it or a new friend. It is always fun. I'm very social and I love meeting new people.
That said, as of late I've kicked up my online dating. I've had a few trusted friends read my profile and offer advice. I updated photos, edited my profile and took some initiative to send some messages.
I've got three (3) prospects at the moment and hope to get an initial meeting set up soon.
I don't get nervous until about 30 minutes before we meet. It's at the moment I'm getting ready to leave my apartment that I question what in the HELL I am doing. Going to meet a stranger with hopes they LIKE me, or something? That's when I call or text my best friend and she gives me a confidence boost and pushes me to go.
So, the prospects.
I've exchanged quite a few emails with "the fish guy" (inspiration for the last post). Even with his half-assed grammar and photos with 40 dead fish, I'm still going to meet him. Why? I have nothing to lose. He seems genuine and hard working, he's tall and cute. I have to call him tonight to set something up for Saturday. I'm thinking mid-day coffee. Although, something about the dead fish doesn't scream "coffee guy" to me. Maybe we'll go to Applebee's.
We've got an actor/comedian turned corporate guy. That sounds fun. I'm curious about how someone majors in theater in college then works in the corporate world. He has challenged me to a hair competition. He said in a message that it seems like I have nice hair (LOL) and he's always been told HE has great hair. It's not long or anything, just normal, short McDreamy-ish hair. I have to say, I do have great hair. Only because of my salon and the amazing products I use. I'm positive I'll win. But I digress.
Finally, we've got the suburban living, Minnesota Twins-loving IT guy. I've only exchanged 2 emails with him but he seems like he has it together. He's got a big boy job and a house, and is right in my ideal age range at 25. I was drawn to his profile because of the MN Twins hat he was wearing. I clearly said that in the message (because I'm taking initiative). *Update: we've exchanged a few more emails I'm not impressed with the grammar... ex: "I haven't been to a Wild game yet neither". Also he gave me his cell number and said to text him. I also won't do this because that sets things up to be weird, and it is a whole other post... "why you shouldn't text someone before you meet them".
I've decided to try to squeeze all three in this weekend because, well, why not. I have nothing to lose.
I've got a busy weekend ahead, because in addition to this, I'm going with a couple friends to the Minnesota Beard Off at the Turf Club in St. Paul.
Until next time!
L
3.22.2011
A friendly PSA to guys that are dating online.
It seems like it SHOULD be common sense but lately I've been seeing these things far too often. I feel as though guys need to read and sign a document stating they've read basic tips for creating an online dating profile.
I've had my fair share of online dating experiences. I feel like it would be quite rude to send someone a message telling them what is wrong with their profile. So, I'll do it here. I speak from experience with every one of these situations. Sad, I know.
Here are my two cents to guys that are online dating.
1. Iwanturpanties just sent you a message!
Pick a decent user name. That is an example of a real user name of a message sender in my inbox. I'm not even going to open the message. Go with something simple. Your first name, last initial and a number. Stay away from anything dumb like "BigFun4U" (also a real user name I've seen).
2. Take the chick out of your pic
I recently saw a photo and the guy didn't even bother with cropping. Instead, the woman's face was literally blacked out with a marker before the photo was scanned (who scans photos anymore?).
Try to limit the animal photos. Unless you moonlight as a black lab, I don't need to see the pic of your dog. Okay, you like to fish and you caught 60 fish, but we don't need 3 photos of you with the fish. A photo of you with a bloody deer? Kind of gross. Save that picture for your guy friends and show us a picture of you without a carcass.
 |
| I'm a real catch! |
So, what photos can you use? A face shot where you're smiling would be ideal. Have more than 1 photo. There has to be a good RECENT photo of you out there somewhere.
3. "Your very pretty!"
Make sure that you're using correct grammar. Know the difference between your and you're. Capitalize words. Tonight I saw a guy that looked like a normal guy but his entire "In Your Own Words" section was lowercase and using slang. In fact, here's an excerpt from someone that showed up as one of my "top matches"...
"heyo im a real cool guy. i love hanging out and fishing. i have a job and a car and i am a student in business and marketing."
This is not someone that appears as though their first language is not English, so I don't cut slack for that reason. If writing isn't your strength, then maybe online dating isn't for you.
I don't think I'm being too picky when I say I want to date a man that can spell and form a sentence.
4. Steer clear of the obvious
So now that you've got a solid user name, a basic photo and you can use your words in a positive way, what do you write about? As a woman, I want to know a few things from your profile. Keep it short and sweet, but not TOO short. Personally, I think 2-3 paragraphs is good. Women have a longer attention span and focus more on the words than men do, so this advice would be different for women. I don't mind actually reading a profile. First and foremost, don't lie. Just be honest.
DO: Tell me what you like about where you live. Especially in the Twin Cities, there are so many unique neighborhoods and it can tell a lot about you. If you're passionate about Uptown, you're probably a hipster. If you spend all your time in Dinkytown, I bet you're in college. Crocus Hill kind of guy? You're clearly classy.
Talk about what goals you have. Are you an athlete? What are you favorite sports to play? Are you training for a marathon? Mention that. What are you looking for? I don't mean saying you want a hot blonde with blue eyes. I mean, are you looking for a serious relationship or casual dating? I know it may hard to actually think about what you want but if you're online, there's a REASON, right? What do you hope to get out if it?
DON'T: Talk about how busy you are. Everyone is BUSY, this is obvious. If you're looking to date then you don't want to say that your free time is consumed by grad school and 4 rec softball leagues. Chances are, we'll think you don't have time for us.
5. The message
If you've found someone that gets you jazzed up, send her a message. Don't be intimidated. What do you have to lose? Keep the message short and sweet. Comment on something in her profile. Don't send a standard message to every single person but personalize it a little. Ask a couple of questions that will warrant a response.
I hope that my friendly public service announcement helps you or someone you know with their problems with online dating. As a young, single woman that is actively online dating, I'd like more men to know some basics things to do and some things to stay away from when creating their profile. It will make it easier and less painful for all of us.
2.08.2011
the kind of love i want
I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.
I want a real love. I am a hopeless romantic & I want more. I want it all. I want that rush, high, happiness that comes from being loved. I want the giggles, the laughs, the goofiness. I want...
to be inspired.
to be happy.
to be loved.
I want this. I will get this. I won't settle.
12.28.2010
personal.
my blog is a place that I express innermost feelings. I don't really edit or sensor myself. mostly because a) no one really reads this and b) if they do, they're probably a close friend.
My post below re: over analyzing really got me thinking today (HA!). I needed to jot down some notes and it helped me to map out these issues that are bothering me. I also did some research.
I am over analytical and I have a need for affirmation. The first (being over analytical) stems from using that as a coping mechanism as a child, the desire to "be better" than what I was, I analyzed to protect myself.
The second (need for affirmation) is rooted in low self-esteem, I seek in relationships what I didn't get as a child, i.e. affirmations and compliments. So the question then is how do I solve these?
My notes say:
1. Don't seek out a relationship for the wrong reasons
2. Be less emotional
3. Stop over analyzing.
I was glad to spend the afternoon really digging deep into these two issues that bother me. If I can't deal with them, I'll never be healthy.
My post below re: over analyzing really got me thinking today (HA!). I needed to jot down some notes and it helped me to map out these issues that are bothering me. I also did some research.
Here it is:
I am over analytical and I have a need for affirmation. The first (being over analytical) stems from using that as a coping mechanism as a child, the desire to "be better" than what I was, I analyzed to protect myself.
The second (need for affirmation) is rooted in low self-esteem, I seek in relationships what I didn't get as a child, i.e. affirmations and compliments. So the question then is how do I solve these?
My notes say:
1. Don't seek out a relationship for the wrong reasons
2. Be less emotional
3. Stop over analyzing.
I was glad to spend the afternoon really digging deep into these two issues that bother me. If I can't deal with them, I'll never be healthy.
What do you do...
...when you're an over analyzer? I over analyze. I pick apart words that are said and drive myself crazy trying to figure out what someone means when they're saying something. Is this rooted in the fact that I've been burned, jaded and hurt? so what are the things I am analyzing? my brain is constantly going 100 miles per minute (or so it seems). I wonder if this guy I had two dates with really wants to have a 3rd date like he says. I wonder if people are using me and have ill intentions.
something else I've noticed about myself, and this has been confirmed in the past. In fact a certain someone broke up with me because of (one of the many reasons) my "need for affirmation" #lame So, I know that I need compliments, I need affirmation from the person I am dating. Should I seek this out elsewhere so it doesn't need to be fulfilled by someone I'm dating?
Is it wrong to seek out affirmation? I don't think I actually SEEK it out. I am generally confident and happy. But, something I ask for in the person I'm dating is that they let me know, with words or actions, that they're into me. Is it too much?
lmz.
something else I've noticed about myself, and this has been confirmed in the past. In fact a certain someone broke up with me because of (one of the many reasons) my "need for affirmation" #lame So, I know that I need compliments, I need affirmation from the person I am dating. Should I seek this out elsewhere so it doesn't need to be fulfilled by someone I'm dating?
Is it wrong to seek out affirmation? I don't think I actually SEEK it out. I am generally confident and happy. But, something I ask for in the person I'm dating is that they let me know, with words or actions, that they're into me. Is it too much?
lmz.
12.20.2010
i'm sorry for you, just so you know.
Things with C ended... because as I may or may not have shared, well.. I won't blast it out here but it's over. the truth is... there was nothing to end.
he didn't answer my calls
I went to his house once from a dating period of April through November
he only emailed me from his work email
I should have seen the signs.
I should have quit before I knew I'd be broken.
the bottom line is, I don't know the truth. I don't know the back story. But apparently some girl is "in love" with him.
he led me on.
he lied to me.
he told me beautiful words and tricked me into believing fallacies.
I've been through my fair share of break-ups, really, I have. But for some reason, this one still stings.
I'm hurt. Someone told me they cared for me. Someone told me I was beautiful, amazing, a wonderful woman. I feel betrayed. Lied to. Tricked. Used.
This "ended" almost a month ago. I'm still bitter. I'm sick to my stomach. It brings me to tears. I'm angry. I quite literally want to smack him, kick him and cry in his face.
But I won't. I'm strong. I'm better than that. And I am fine, generally. It is just these randoms pangs of anger and bitterness that take me over.
Because I confronted him. And told him. And asked for an apology. Just a simple, "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Leah. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I led you on. I made a mistake."
I got nothing. nothing. 8 months of "dating"... and nothing?
I suppose I should take that silence and interpret it as him walking away.
Just needed to vent.
oh, and. this sara b song = <3....
say you're sorry
I want the one word that you refuse to say to me
You're so good at giving me responsibility
I wash my hands clean and let you watch me as I go
I'm sorry for you, just so you know
lmz.
he didn't answer my calls
I went to his house once from a dating period of April through November
he only emailed me from his work email
I should have seen the signs.
I should have quit before I knew I'd be broken.
the bottom line is, I don't know the truth. I don't know the back story. But apparently some girl is "in love" with him.
he led me on.
he lied to me.
he told me beautiful words and tricked me into believing fallacies.
I've been through my fair share of break-ups, really, I have. But for some reason, this one still stings.
I'm hurt. Someone told me they cared for me. Someone told me I was beautiful, amazing, a wonderful woman. I feel betrayed. Lied to. Tricked. Used.
This "ended" almost a month ago. I'm still bitter. I'm sick to my stomach. It brings me to tears. I'm angry. I quite literally want to smack him, kick him and cry in his face.
But I won't. I'm strong. I'm better than that. And I am fine, generally. It is just these randoms pangs of anger and bitterness that take me over.
Because I confronted him. And told him. And asked for an apology. Just a simple, "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Leah. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I led you on. I made a mistake."
I got nothing. nothing. 8 months of "dating"... and nothing?
I suppose I should take that silence and interpret it as him walking away.
Just needed to vent.
oh, and. this sara b song = <3....
say you're sorry
I want the one word that you refuse to say to me
You're so good at giving me responsibility
I wash my hands clean and let you watch me as I go
I'm sorry for you, just so you know
lmz.
12.03.2010
Uffda.
Almost 3 weeks without a post, yeesh. So much in my head and so much going on in my life I just sort of forgot. I said what needed to be said to that jerk face and I'm over it. My heart is protected & I refuse to let someone in just to hurt me again.
Enough of that.
I've been a beast about the gym and I'm proud. I'm in a new relationship with myself. I've been *enjoying* the treadmill and walking and running. I love getting ready and going and feeling great after a work out. I don't want to see this, like I do now...
So, that is good. I guess that's really all.. I should probably work. It's pretty busy & I have a ton to do. Mer.
lmz.
11.22.2010
...but I never asked.
Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by
So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe
You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best
I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see
All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide
Who cares if you disagree
Let me hold your crown, babe...
You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked
So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save
Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything
You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best
But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset
I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening
All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide
Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything
Let me hold your crown, babe...
11.11.2010
Fear of Commitment, part II.
I just wrote a pretty deep and personal (for me) blog about Corey and his fear of commitment.
After I posted, I got to thinking about how much Corey reminds me of Chandler Bing.
Friends is probably my #1 favorite show, right up there with Sex and the City. Chandler, because his parents are divorced and seeing Ross and Rachel's turbulent relationship, is scared of commitment.
In this clip we see Chandler early on, before him and Monica fall in love. Chandler is dating Janice (Oh. My. Gawd.) and can't seem to commit.
So there we have it, people. Corey has actually always reminded me of Chandler. And it's good to joke around a little more with the whole situation.
And now, I'm off to class... ughhhh..
lmz
Fear of Commitment
What does it mean to have a fear of commitment? It is rooted in fear - fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. Commitment phobia is the "technical" term for someone who is scared to commit. Someone might be scared to commit for many reasons: fear of the unknown, fear of being with one person, fear of self-actualization and that something will actually work. When do you stop making excuses for someone who is scared to commit and go on with your life?
Someone who has a fear of commitment can talk the talk, but not walk the walk. He'll make plans for the future and say things like "when we're married" or "when you move in with me" but doesn't follow through. This quote I found exemplifies the exact way this works:
So for now, I go forward. I am guarded, I am not going to lie. I am numb to him since I haven't really opened up 100%. So what's next...
Someone who has a fear of commitment can talk the talk, but not walk the walk. He'll make plans for the future and say things like "when we're married" or "when you move in with me" but doesn't follow through. This quote I found exemplifies the exact way this works:
"It's easy to be seduced by pretty words, but unless there's follow-through in the end, you're left with nothing to hold onto but an empty promise." quote found here
I've gone back and forth, racked my brain, given up, been done and gone back with this guy. A simple search of my blog with the tag CH brings up all the posts about him. http://lmz87.blogspot.com/search/label/CH
My realization of the real issue here came to me this morning. After recollecting the events that occured last night, it hit me. He's scared to commit. He likes me - he says he likes me. I believe him.
We made plans to get pizza and have a low-key night. The plans were firmed up in the morning. At 4:30pm I got a text.
"you may not want to see me tonight. I just threw up." him
"that's on you, however you feel." me
"I'll let you know in the next half hour" him
I was pissed, angry, hurt, upset, sad. Mostly sad. I seem to be disappointed by his actions more times than not. I build it up to be something it's not and I'm left sad and heartbroken. But for some reason, I can't quit him. I don't know why.
I call him.
I don't want to waste the next 30 minutes questioning in my head if he actually is sick or if he's making excuses not to see me.
Had a quick convo.
Rescheduled.
I Said some rude things.
Hung up.
I texted.
"I'm sorry you're not feeling well but actually I rescind my offer for Sunday. i'm done with your excuses and I get that you're not interested. Good luck."
"Ok, but I'd rather be with you than throwing up. Sorry you don't believe me" him
"It isn't that I don't believe you I'm sure you're sick I'm just disappointed I really wanted to see you and have a normal night and I always get disappointed when I let myself get excited about seeing you something falls through. And you always put it on me, it's frusting and I'm sick of being let down."
In the past, when I freak out, he runs. He's gone. But he kept at it...
"How am I putting it on you?"
" "you might not want to see me" I don't care if you're sick I can understand not wanting go out to eat when you don't feel well but it's not like I'm a stranger or someone you've had two dates with. I've known you for over a year I am not scared of you not feeling well. Maybe you could try "why don't you come over here and hang out" would have been good"
After this he suggested that he picks me up from work and we hang out at my apartment. I went back and forth. I wanted to be firm, put my foot down and say NO I am done. But I wanted to see him. I was excited. I LIKE HIM.
{In his defense, he's a good guy. He's cute. He's tall, brown hair, brown eyes, amazing smile. Sense of humor. Great job, great life goals. Great family (from what he says). Can hold a conversation. My only drawback is that he wears cargo khaki's, but mostly just spite me}
He picked me up, told me he wanted to talk to me and it wasn't bad. We picked up pizza to go and went over to my best friend's apartment and we all watched a movie together. After the movie we went to my apartment and he spilled his heart to me. He told me he didn't want to never see me again, and he got that vibe from my texts. He told me he thinks I'm beautiful and amazing, smart and sexy.
I have concluded that it is fear to commit. But, how can you feel this way about someone and not want to "lock it down", seal the deal, etc? That's what I don't get... Maybe I'm just making more excuses than needed but I've researched fear of commitment, how to date someone with this fear and how to get them to open up and overcome their fears.
So for now, I go forward. I am guarded, I am not going to lie. I am numb to him since I haven't really opened up 100%. So what's next...
I'm not sure. I'll try to keep you posted.
lmz.
11.10.2010
Day 09
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
I am proud to say that I generally have remained friends with and kept people I've wanted in my life but recently I've drifted from someome I called a best friend for four years... And now it's to the point where, although I haven't made an effort, she hasn't either. I feel like she's so consumed in her life, school and her boyfriend and other friends, that she just doesn't "need" me anymore... And although I could send a text, email, call, facebook etc... I just feel like it's awkward now. We haven't spoken (communicated) since September... and so now what? Ya know? I don't know....
lmz.
I am proud to say that I generally have remained friends with and kept people I've wanted in my life but recently I've drifted from someome I called a best friend for four years... And now it's to the point where, although I haven't made an effort, she hasn't either. I feel like she's so consumed in her life, school and her boyfriend and other friends, that she just doesn't "need" me anymore... And although I could send a text, email, call, facebook etc... I just feel like it's awkward now. We haven't spoken (communicated) since September... and so now what? Ya know? I don't know....
lmz.
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