Today is Ash Wednesday. I am meeting Grandma at a church downtown here for noon mass to get my ashes. I asked her, "Grandma, do I have to wear my ashes around on my forehead all day?" [not because I am embarrassed or ashamed but because I am a huge clutz and will probably wipe my forehead with the back of my palm and get it all over my work clothes!] and she responded with, "Sweetie, it nothing to be ashamed about". Obviously I am not ashamed to wear my ashes on my head.

But, at the age of 21, I am not sure that I even know why I am doing that? I made a decision to go to church today, and to make a commitment to myself to attend mass more frequently. I miss mass. It is beautiful. I love it. I love the time to reflect. I feel like there are so many things I just don't KNOW in this world. Why do we wear ashes on Ash Wednesday? Why did the Nazi's kill the Jews? I never learned this stuff. I am happy to say I know exactly why we 'give something up' for Lent. Not because it's 'cool' or 'fun' but because Jesus [another thing I don't "know": why sometimes is he God and other times Jesus? I thought Jesus was the son of God? But they're the same? So I know that JESUS gave up his life for us, he sat at the right hand of the FATHER who I presume is GOD. Oh man!] gave up his life for us. So we can give up something for a measley 40 days.

This year for lent, I am not giving up something tangible. I am giving up neediness. Neediness. I actually was going to give up pop, but that is so cliche and thought I'd try to quit smoking...then I saw an article on Oprah.com about giving up neediness for lent. I liked that idea. I am very needy. I have an addictive personality and I get hooked way too quick on people/things. So, for the next 40 days, I am going to make an effort to enjoy ME--to not care about having a date on Friday night with a [very nice, sweet & cute] boy. I am excited and anxious. I am ready to take each day and OWN it. For each day to be MINE. I know that I can do it. I can break my bad habit of being needy and co-dependent.


Some people are settling down
some are settling
and some people refuse to settle for anything less
than ::butterflies::



Maybe it's the weather, or the change in seasons coming soon, but I have *no* motivation.

I am taking 3 classes this semester and I literally have no desire to do my homework. They are interesting classes: Comp 1 [easy], Theatre and finally Project Management [love this one]. Maybe it's just the week--it's been a busy week with moving, unpacking, painting....maybe it's the weather...I am not sure. How do I make myself do something. Last night, I worked out at the gym, went home and ate dinner, watched Grey's, took a shower and had myself all set up to sit and read for like an hour before bed. I couldn't do it. I had the text in front of me but just thought, ughhhh....

I mean obviously I know that everyone doesn't LOVE school...but I totally dispise it right now. Last night before bed, my last thought was, I want to drop my classes this semester. Then I told myself, just sleep it off...just sleep it off...you'll be fine the morning. Well, funny thing is, this morning, that's the FIRST thing I thought of. I thought about if I just dropped these dumb classes then I could just take it easy til the fall and not have to worry about anything. Well, obviously, I need these classes to graduate and get my degree. I need my degree to get somewhere in life. I just don't wanna. I don't wanna do it.

I need motivation. I need *something*. I need something to keep me going, and right now, I don't feel like I have anything.

I am one who always rushes into things and has no patience. I want instant gratification. all the time. If I say to myself, I want to drop my classes, for example, I want to do it ASAP. I don't want to wait around. Well, I am going to wait around on it. I am going to force myself to finish what needs to be done this weekend...I have to finish a paper/start a new one...do a discussion online..start working on my project for project management...laundry...go to Gustavus to see Ella's play...

OK I'm going to get a campfire mocha....




We all love cats, a lot, but....

St. Anthony, MN - Animal Humane Society officials have rescued 118 cats from a St. Anthony mobile home where the smell was so bad they had to call in the fire department to ventilate the home.
Armed with nets and wearing protective masks, a rescue crew worked for nearly two hours to gather up the cats Tuesday. Police were called after someone complained about the smell.
Police Chief John Ohl says the couple who lived there are nice people but had issues with hoarding.
Animal control officers say they removed 72 cats from the couple's previous home in Coon Rapids in 2002.


118 cats!!! Can you imagine??!! My gosh!! Jen and I are very excited to get a couple cats - two at the most! Poor kitties =[ We thought about going to the shelter and rescuing them. Maybe if we all pitch in we could find a home for all of them? What do we think? Yes? Aww... Hopefully they don't kill the poor kitties! It's not their fault! How do you even GET that many cats? 118. Wow. How do you FEED that many cats....I just can't get over it. Oh, Coon Rapids. You never cease to fail me!



The weekend!

My roomie and me ~ Halloween 2Oo8

Last weekend was a good weekend! On Friday night, Jen and I saw "he's just not that into you", it was really cute. We went to Champp's in Woodbury for some yummy fries and seasoned sour cream and pasta! I moved one box into my new place. I am going over tonight with my [infinite amounts of] laundry and a couple more boxes!

Saturday I ran errands. I went bed shopping which, by the way, sucks. Beds are so expensive! I cannot believe it. I had a nice date on Saturday night. I went to the Bulldog, a nice beer bar in Lowertown, DT STP on Mear's Park, with my date, and we met up with my friend Tracy and Tracy's friend Matt. It was a lot of fun, until I had a tiny sip of Patron and vomited in the bathroom. Gross. I hate tequila.

Sunday was very lazy, mostly because of the fact I was extremely hungover. I cured it with a lunch date at the Wild Onion for build your own bloody mary! So fun! =] I did homework the rest of the day and laid pretty low!

Back to work..blahh!!



For Alyssa and Meggers!!!!!

A photo can say a thousand things
But it cant say the million things i wanna say
A photo can capture the way we were
But it cant capture the way we are
Cause you're far away
When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You cant tell me you dont need me
And i know that hurts
Cause im looking at your picture
Cause its all i've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot
RYAN. He's KING of the PUNS! Hahah :)
PS This was hands down THE best day of MY LIFE (June 2008)
PPS: I feel 40 kinds of sadness when you're gone.
I feel the same thing always happens when you're gone
And I know you're just around the corner
But just around the corner is not enough
It's not enough


I am going to see a movie tonight wtih my new roomie, Jen! I am very excited. We're going to see "he's just not that into you". I read the book. It was okay. It is sort of true but it's also common sense, you know? If someone doesn't like you they're not going to call you. If they're not INTO you, then they why would they make an effort? I am curious to see the movie. Besides, Jennifer Aniston is in it and I have a massive girl crush on her! But along those lines, I feel like I haven't really had to deal with any stuff like that yet. I haven't had to "play the game". I am not good at it. If I like someone, I want to talk to them. I want to dive in, head first. I have a major problem with instant gratification. When I want something, I want it right now. No waiting. No patience. I don't want to wait around for 3 days for someone to call me, wondering, "does he like me?". Stupid. I hate it. With that said, I don't want to mess up. I would hate to lose something by making stupid mistakes, like being annoying or a creeper (which I am for sure a pro at).

When I think back on my relationships, the two sorta serious ones, there was no 'dating'. There was no 'game playing'. Unfortunately, it's been with people who are similar to me in that they want something right away and so do I. Two people who want something right away and BAM.

The reason I am writing this blog is sort of about love. Next week is Valentine's Day [It's also Kelly and Tracy's Bday!]. I am lucky because as of now, I have a date! Yay! Two, actually! Kelly and I are having breakfast for her birthday. I have my evening plans, too. I am moving during the day. I guess I just sometimes question the audacity of the male gender. I think that if someone [a man] isn't interested in you, say it. If you don't like someone, don't break it to them gently. It's a hard world. If you're in a pretty serious relationship and then you wake up one day and decide you don't love them anymore, don't lead them on.

I guess I'm not really one to talk. It's not that easy. I know that. I wish it were. I went back and read some of these blogs and, wow. "David and I are broken up", "David and I back together". We would break up. I'd crawl back. Same story for months. Since May of 2008. I am glad it's finally over. I have been happier in the past few weeks than I have in a long time. I am getting ready for this new phase in my life. I am moving to a new city with a new friend. It's almost like whitney on the city, except instead of moving to NYC to pursue my fashion dreams I am moving to Woodbury to get out of the city for a while :)

Alright, time for the weekend!


Sorry, I have been M.I.A. from my blog lately. The only person that reads is Jacquie, and I feel like I should just call her and give her the juicy details of my life ;)

I do see that a couple of my good friends from Forest Lake [Alyssa & Meagan] are signing up for a blogspot. I would be curious to read their blogs and see what they're blogging about.

Soooo....to get caught up from 12/08 to now:

  • David and I broke up, for good. Totally over. That was January 12th. I have spoken to him once. At first I was sad. I was distrought and confused. Now, I am better. I am hurt. But, everything happens for a reason. I lived, and I learned.
  • I am moving to Woodbury next week...moving in with my friend Jen, in a townhouse, and I am super excited. I am moving on the 13th of February. [fun fact! I have lived in four places in 12 months: w/crazy Sarah, David's, Grandma's & my grand ave place! Apparently I love to move. Not really. I just have major commitment problems. I have also been a member at 4 gyms in 12 months. YMCA downtown, YWCA on the Hill, Bally's and now Lifetime. Again with the commitment. I know how to work contracts, I guess!]
  • I am pretty busy with school this semester as I'm taking three classes. I am doing two online classes-Intro to Theatre and Project Management, and one night class, Composition 1. I HATE Comp 1. Why is the english language so hard? Why is this my 3rd time taking this class?! AhhH!!
  • I am *sort of* "dating" someone right now....taking it slow and keeping it on the DL because I am not sure a) what I'm ready for, b) how long it will last c)don't want to get my hopes up and get dumped on the ground, BUT I will say, he's great :) I guess I am not sure if we're "dating" but we have our 3rd date this weekend.
  • Work is good. Same old, same old..I guess I am glad that given this "economy" that I have a safe and secure, good paying job.
  • I found a new love: coffee. Specifically lite white berry with a shot of raspberry...it is a very expensive drug habit. But I love it. Oh and my blackberry. Obsessed. Greatest thing EVER invented.

That is really it......I will try to blog more but I jsut have nothing exciting to write about!!

Waiting for spring!!!