Note to Self

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life." -he's just not that into you

Attention! Stop! Leah Michele!

Read and repeat the above line. STOP making excuses for him. We've already gone over how I've given "him" {aka CH} the boot and how I have no patience. So, given all of these things, I've still caved and emailed or called or texted or seen him over the past 2 or whatever weeks it's been.

Friday night I went out to Barrio and Bulldog {lowertown} with some girls from work for a girls night. I love going out with these girls because they've got 8-10 years on me and have so much advice to offer on various topics - dating, work, life, etc. One gal specifically, let's call her T, and I were exchanging dating stories. T is beautiful - probably 6' tall, blonde, tan, great job and just an overall great girl. She's got a little boy who's around 6 and she's a great mom. She explained to me how she's dating 3 different guys right now and how she just got rid of one [funny thing is he has the same name is mine. Had to double check and make sure it wasn't the same guy, thankfully it wasn't]. 

  She went on to tell me that she was in a dating limbo with this guy for 7 months. I explained to her my whole situation - the "circle of CH", the going back and forth, dating for months before even going to his house, etc... and she said it was the exact same thing with her guy! So she said just the day before she dumped him for good. She told me, there will be SOMETHING that will just make you quit, for good. And then you'll realize there are so many other great guys out there, and you'll be okay. It was so refreshing to hear that from a smart girl who has been there before.

I've had my ah-ha moment... the one where I realized I was having literally anxiety attacks over THIS GUY, who didn't want to hang out with me because:

a) his toe hurt and he had to soak it

b) he had to work his 2nd job (til 7pm)

c) he doesn't want to drive 10 miles to my apartment

(all excuses I've gotten in the past two weeks from him, btw)

I've done like Carrie on Sex and the City (the movie), where Carrie sends all of Big's e-mail to a secret folder where she can't read it. I've sent all of CH's emails to my junk mail and I don't wanna see them.

I want him to disappear. I don't want to feel that way over someone that isn't even my boyfriend! I don't want those crazies over some douche bag that will not even respond to a damn text message.

Today was fine - I was so busy at work I had no time whatsoever to really think about overthinking the whole situation.

I'm worried about the coming days but whenever I think about emailing/texting/calling him, I'm repulsed. And kind of want to vomit a little in my mouth. Nice image, I know. But hey, if it works....

lmz.

this time baby, I'll be bulletproof.