8.24.2010

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Infidelity. Cheating. Unfaithfulness. Call it what it is, because it is what it is. But lately I've been thinking: once a cheater, always a cheater?

I'll put myself out here and say that I've been in my fair share of relationships. I'll be completely honest and say I've been unfaithful in a relationship. I am wracking my brain to think if it was more than one relationship, but as I'm seeing, I'm thinking it's just the one. Everyone can define it differently; whether it's making-out with someone, sharing an emotional connection or having a full on all night sex session. I have good friends whose relationships (and marriages) have ended because of it. I've had friends who have been dating guys you would *never* see as a cheater, but that one drunken make-out sesh on spring break in Florida sure did end it all. Now that I think about it, the majority of my close group of friends have been cheated on or dumped and then the guys are in a new relationship within a few short days (sketchy). I'm pretty sure the reason I didn't fight for my relationship is because I figured this other dude would be right there waiting (false).

I'd like to think there's some sort of redemption. Okay, so I've cheated, but the relationship was doomed, anyway, right? It was going to end it wast just a matter of when. Excuses. Justification. So does it mean that since I've cheated, I'm always a cheater? Sure my younger years got the best of me. But I've learned from my mistakes. So although I feel I should be pardoned for my mistake(s), I think that someone makes a conscious decision to do such things. Personally, I think if you're being unfaithful, there's a reason. Whether it's the idea of the chase, not being attracted anymore, a love-less marriage, the thought of being with another person (because nowadays us gals have to worry about our guy leavin' for a dude! Or a chick with big man arms), there's a reason.

When you're dating and the "ex-files" are opened, should you be honest? And if they can't accept that, too bad? {I've always been and always will be honest. I'm not proud but, as much as I hate this saying, it is what it is.The past can't be changed. The future is what matters} I think of the situations turned: I'm dating someone that I'm really into and they tell me they've been unfaithful. Does that mean I'm going to trust them less? What if they never told me and I gave the same amount of trust as I give everyone?

Let's just say, the bottom line is that I hope that I find myself in a loving, trusting relationship down the road. Regardless of the past, I hope I can extend the same amount of trust to someone as I'd like them to extend to me.

lmz

& this is not to say
they'll never come  a day
I take my chances and start again
but when I look behind
on all my younger times
I'll have to thank the wrongs
that led me to a love so strong
perfectly lonely //john mayer\\

3 comments:

turnjacson said...

Great post... I really find the whole concept of cheating fascinating. (So much so that I dedicated a week to it)

I think for any relationship to have a chance, you have to be honest and if in that honesty you reveal that you have cheated... the person has to love you or leave you alone.

Once a cheater always a cheater?? I think that comes down to character more than anything. Some people are serial cheaters because they love the chase... steer clear of them!!

turnjacson said...

Also... I love that song!

Leah said...

I agree, it totally comes down to character!