Ranting & Raving

I am not crabby today. I am not upset. I am excited, excited to move out, excited for spring, excited to go back to my normal life. It's not that bad. My life is not that bad. I am okay. There are people out there who are upset and pissed off about the same things. They hate the situation they're in, but they're not in an hurry to change them. So you hate your job...change it. Yes, it's not that easy, but it can be done. I don't know how many times I have heard you bitching and complaining that you hate your job, and you have two degrees you should be more successful...what else....you shouldn't be living in an apartment with someone else and your cats, you should have a home and be more successful. Do you hate the fact that you're a grown adult and you make less money than a young adult? Most people do, or would. Don't take it out on that person. There are plenty of adults out there who make less money than someone else, or don't own a home or don't have children. It's not all about money, you know that right? Don't take pride in yourself to be so great when you're not. This is harsh and mean of me. I've heard I'm considered immature and irresponsible, just a few of the adjectives used to describe me. You know what, no matter what you say, you're not going to change me. Actually, it's pretty funny that you would. You have no power over me. You don't have power over everyone, you know that right? I consider myself to be pretty damn mature, and very responsible. But this blog is not to boost me. This blog is written with hopes that the person can realize their own faults before jumping down every other person's throat. You can't change the world until you're satifsfied with yourself or with your own life. So take my advice. Chill out a little bit. Quit trying to be so perfect. You are a lovely human being with a kind heart. Don't try to be someone you're not. And don't take your faults out on someone else. I can't wait until I do not have to think about you anymore. The day I am done with you, there will be a nice e-mail in your inbox stating all the things you do that are horrible, and how you can change them...change them so that you have friends, or maybe a boyfriend, or HEY maybe you'll get married someday? Ha. Right.

lmz

love*

Call me mushy or old fashioned, but I've been thinking about "love" lately. What is love? Well I could recite the line from Corinthians..but I won't. Love is...happiness. Love is buying your girlfriend Midol at a gas station where it's only guys your age working (right Nat?), love is buying your broke girlfriend designer sunglasses, or going extremely out of your way to personally deliver her FAVORITE flower on the cheesiest day ever (Valentine's Day, totally overrated Hallmark holiday). Love is listening to your significant other, letting them cry when their emotions get the best of them. Love is just hugging them and saying "it's okay" and then if you're my boyfriend you say "Ok get over it" and you know that's his way of wanting you to quit pouting and come play a damn game or watch a movie. The best kind of love is the kind when you're just being lazy, doing nothing special, but you're still not bored. You have some world issue to debate about, or a small issue, like why the toilet seat should be left down. The best feeling is that look you get when you've just woken up. The one that's saying "wow" just by his eyes. That is my kind of love. Love is taking your kitties for walks..and yes, they walk. Around the block. Down the street. They're amazing cats. Love is driving 45 minutes to pick up your boyfriend from work because his ride left early. Love is just hanging out. I'm not even talking about boyfriend/girlfriend love. I mean friendship love. The kind where you can just sit on the couch and talk for hours, or one of the first few times you met someone and feeling like you've been friends forever, no matter what separates you. What happened to that kind of love? I love love. The good kind. The kind that my favorite singer croons about-the "you're everything" kind of love. It is those little moments when you realize you have to cherish that person, and their every quirk or their every flaw. Not even the bad stuff, either. Cherish the good stuff. The sexiest smile out there, the clearest blue eyes you've ever seen...When you know your life is not the same without that one simple person in it...that is love. True love. The love where you can't WAIT to be with that person for the rest of your life. You know they're it. And they know you're it. You're just waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect time to announce it to the world. Love. Ahh, I love love.

Well, it's a marvelous night for a Moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

Can I just have one more Moondance with you, my love
Can I just make some more romance with you, my love

Moondance

Did anyone see the eclipse last night? I didn't. It was too freaking cold out! Instead, I watched it on the news. That was fine. When I was leaving work I did see the big huge moon, that was cool!

I'm moving out of my apartment. If you wish to know further details as to why, please contact me, and I'll be happy to explain. It's not fair for me to throw it all over the internet as to why I am moving out. I will be moving back in with David for a little bit. I am just taking it day by day. I kind of want to live alone. When I originally moved out of David's I was counting on being 'more independant' and 'responsible' but unfortunatley that did not happen. Again, for reasons not to be discussed on my blog. I may look into getting my own one bedroom apartment. I am not sure I want to though. There are a few reasons. I don't have furniture. Why waste money on a couch...and living room stuff, and not to mention kitchen stuff, because again, I have nothing. To me it'd be a waste of time. It probably would be a waste of money, as well. 1 bedrooms are pretty expensive. So, tenativley I'll be moving back with David. We may look into getting a bigger apartment. His is pretty small. It's not so much small as between the two of us we have a lot of stuff. So, I am excited for that. So much for getting away..haha. I will miss Highland...oh well it will be worth it, I love the Hill way more than Highland. Plus I'm happier when I'm at David's. And I get to see my kitties. It's just simple. I should have never moved out in the first place. Especially with a total stranger. Not a good idea. I don't recommened it.

School...is going well. I dropped one class. Three was way too many. I am just taking two now, and hopefully I'll be able to focus better without being preoccupied by having to write my opinions of jazz history in APA style. Ridic.

I am going to the lake this weekend. I am so excited. We're going to go snowmobiling, and go to Duffy's (a cute little bar on the lake). Not to mention I get to see Chester (David's parent's new dog). He's adorable. Back to work =P

lmz*

can i just have one more moondance with you, my love?
can i just make some more romance with you, my love?

My thoughts for today.

I am not a bad person. I am sick of being subjected to feel like I'm a bad person. People make mistakes, maybe someone tells someone else something that this someone doesn't want to hear. Maybe said person is jealous. Maybe said person is letting too much little shit get to them. Who cares if I make more money than you? Who cares that my company gives more money for profit sharing than yours? How does that affect you? How can you be so concerned about what goes on in someone else's life? Especially when that person has no special relationship to you? That person is not your best friend, in your family or even close to being related to you. Why do you let what that person does piss you off? Why do you let that person's life get to you? These are the questions that are perplexing my mind. I don't understand, not one bit. I will admit that I was probably rude in sharing my company's profit sharing rates, which, is public knowledge and something my company takes pride in offering to their associates. I will admit I make pretty damn good money for a 20 year old. But I will not allow myself to feel BAD for that. I am not competing with anyone but myself. I am determined and I am smart. I do not blame the fact that I have a full time job and am a full time student on anyone else. I knew I had to make a pro-active choice to improve my life. I did not want to scrape up pennies and dimes for food and gas. And that's fine! That's my choice. I could be doing the '20 year old thing', going to school part time, working 12 hours a week at the mall and scraping up money. But I'm not. And I enjoy it. I enjoy having money to pay my daunting credit card bills, or to enjoy going out to eat with my boyfriend. I enjoy being able to spend $100 at Target on clothes or new things for myself. And I wouldn't be able to do that, not even close, if I didn't make these life choices. Yes, every now again (actually every Monday morning) I miss having my first class at 10am and being done by 5pm. I miss drinking with the girls on Monday nights and spending all of the next day recovering. I know I will succeed. Every day I try to better myself by taking pride in my career. This is my choice to work full time. And that's fine. Because it's the best option of all my choices. I will not let anyone bring me down. I do not think said person is a bad person, not at all, not even close. I think said person is smart, outgoing, courageous, knowledgeable and unique. I think said person and I could be great friends. But said person gets to me. And I let said person get to me. And I play said person's mental mind games. I am the who decides to let this person piss me off. But, I like said person. And I am playing this person's games, you see? I am letting their insecurities and faults get to me, and piss me off. I am taking whatever this person says to heart and allowing it to bother me. And that is all me. Me deciding to do that. So, I am wrong. I was wrong. But said person needs to not care about me, or what I do. I am not said person's girlfriend or significant other. You pride yourself on being so giving and thoughtful of others. You try so hard to please everyone. And from an outsider's point of view, you're the one stressing yourself out about other people's problems. And I don't want a fight or an argument. It's not worth the time for either of us. We both have better things to do than sit and worry about what the other one is thinking or what the other person's life problems are, and that's the cold, hard truth. Maybe I've been a little blunt or a little straight forward. The fact of the matter is that I don't have the balls to actually say anything to your face because I am intimidated by you. I am scared of your words and reactions. So I choose to express my feelings in a blog that you may or may not have accesss to. And if you're reading this, fine. I hope you understand that I don't hate you. I am not trying to be mean to you, or have an attitude towards you. I am not a mean person. I am not a bad person. Maybe I'm selfless. Maybe I'm immature and maybe I'm irresponsible. I'd like to think no one thinks of me as none of the above. But if they do, that's their perogitive. I am going to whole heartedly try to look past the miscommuncations between us because I do not want to let little things you say bother me the way I do. Maybe it's because I am emotional person and no matter who it is, if it's someone I don't know, says something bad about me, I take it to heart. I try to not care about what others think or let it roll off of my shoulders, but it's incredibly difficult. Please don't cop an attitude and pull the 'the whole world is out to get me' card. It's not that bad, hun. Move on.

....and the work is piled on my desk and I'm out of here in 15 minutes...Craptastic! Looks like I'm working late tonight! Oh well. That's life . I decided to vent my stresses out instead of work. That is my problem and I am not blaming that on anyone else.

lmz.

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me