Apparently I'm not long-term relationship material

I tried to keep quiet about it over the weekend but when I get really excited about things, I can't hold them in! I ended up having 2 dates with this guy, MT. I had sort of decided I was done dating all together and not making any effort on my online dating. I received a message on Friday and he seemed normal so I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee.

We met for coffee and that turned into going rollerskating with two of his friends! It was a blast! I was so refreshed that a nice, normal guy was around! He dropped me off, gave me a hug and said we'd chat soon. We ended up having a 2nd date on Sunday evening. Again, a great time! More relaxed, dinner, walk and a beer on a patio. We had great conversation and I thought there was a great spark there. We left it that we'd be in touch throughout the week but should go to karaoke on Thursday evening.

I refrained from texting on Monday (didn't want to be annoying. BTW, I hate dating rules) and he ended up texting me! We had a good text convo on Monday night. Tuesday I emailed him. I didn't hear back all day long but I wasn't too concerned since it was after Labor Day, most people are pretty busy. I was CRAZY busy at work that day!

Later in the day I got an e-mail response from him. He said he has spent a lot of time thinking about it and decided he wanted to "expand our friendship". He then proceeded to explain that our distance (30 miles) and the fact I didn't have a car (I'm a city cat!) has led him to this decision. He said he doesn't see a long-term relationship happening with me. He then said he wants me to be his city tour-guide in the future. (You can drive the 20 minutes to STP for me to show you around but you can't drive the 20 minutes to date me?)

It was towards the end of my work day when I got the email. Of course I had gushed to my co-workers about my amazing dates and how I was excited to "not screw this one up". Picture 3 women, hovering over my desk, reading my response, saying "just be friends! He'll fall in love with you!' and my best friend on the phone saying, "Leah! You're the rule! Not the exception! Tough cookies! If he doesn't like me now, he's not going to like you in 6 months!"

I ended up replying that it was fine, thanks for being honest, but if it's OK I'd like to take a couple days and think on it before I decide! Because, here I was, so excited and jazzed up for a nice, normal, TALL, cute, funny, CATHOLIC boy, right?! He texted and said that was fine and he wanted me to know that he thinks I'm really great, awesome, cute, etc. but the whole car thing just makes it seem easier to be friends.

I got to thinking about the whole, "I don't see myself in a long-term relationship" with you. And the last couple of guys I had more than 2 dates with told me the same thing!

Corey: We had our first couple dates in September 2009, got busy and stopped talking, then started again in January. I chose to date Luke (more below) instead after Corey told me he was emotionless & heartless. Corey and I ended up dating from mid-March to mid-August. One night Corey told me that he thinks I'm great, beautiful, smart, funny and amazing BUT... didn't see anything long-term because I am too emotional and I want to make my life in the city (versus he wants the suburbs)

Luke: We dated from late January 2010 through early March 2010. It was good! I was really happy, we were really happy. Out of the blue one night he said he that he was breaking up with me because he couldn't give me what I needed: I needed too much affirmation (he wasn't one to give compliments) and he didn't see anything long-term.

So looking at the track record, I begin to question myself. Apparently I'm not LTR material. But I'm also not short-term relationship material? Or are they saying that because I'm not LTR material, why waste time with a STR?

I suppose I can see where they're coming from. I actually told another guy I spent some time with that I didn't see it going anywhere. Which was 100% true, we didn't really have that much in common and I just didn't get that "spark". I do give MT and Luke props for not dragging it out like Corey did, in the end making the hurt worse. Props to guys that can be real and honest. Thank you those guys that have enough guts to let a girl down gently versus being a complete ass about it. Here it's more of a sting; you get up, dust off, and try again. I fully intend to dust myself off and try again.
this is sort of irrelevant but good, nonetheless.
It's all about the lessons learned. 2010 has been quite the learning year for me. Through all of this I've learned so much about who I am and what I ultimately need in a relationship. For now I'm back to not actively pursuing dating and focusing on all of things I've got going on in my life!

Until next time,


1 comment:

SFChick74 said...

Well, that sucks. But like you said, at least they ripped off the emotional band-aid quickly.

I totally feel your pain and I'm sure there are millions of women (and men) out there who go through the same crap.