follow-up: after thoughts of dead fish guy & real date #1 with lunch guy from saturday is tonight.

Dead fish guy inspired this post. I liked his profile when I read it, minus the obscene amount of photos of him with dead fish. But, I overlooked that. We met up at an Irish bar just on the edge of downtown Saint Paul.

Let me step back and give a little background of DFG. He is from a town about 30 miles outside of the city. He works in construction. He's a total "guy's guy", from what I could tell. Definitely could fall under the "hick" category.

Now, I am more of the city-girl type, and I have no shame in this. BUT I really liked his profile and I sent HIM a message. After exchanging a few emails we decided to get together. I was going to squeeze him in last weekend, but I didn't. So, fast forward and we grabbed dinner on Tuesday night. This turned into drinks after dinner at a neighboring bar. It was a blast, we had a great time, and great conversation and we really connected. He drove me home and dropped me off. There was no awkward kissing moment, thankfully. Surpringsly, I would say this was the best of the 3 I've been on in the past 5 days!

But now it's 5pm the next day I haven't heard from him. So now I am kind of overthinking it - was I too sassy? I was pretty dressy for a Tuesday in a dress, tights and heels but I came right from work! He, on the other hand, was wearing carpenter jeans & work boots.

I asked my good friend Ben and he said that contacting someone after a date in under 24 hours seems desperate and over 48 hours, he is not interested. SO, the two day rule? I think it's dumb, but whatevs.

Tonight I am going to the Science Museum of MN for their first Social Science event. It's a 21+ event featuring alcoholic beverages and appetizers along with things like human pictionary and photo booth. Fun?

I'm nervous, he is a very nice and sweet guy and we had good conversation. He also likes good beer (i.e. not Bud Light) but kind is of awkward. On a side note, I think he has a tick. He kind of scratches his head whenever he gets nervous. And I think he might be a virgin. We had a very awkward hug after lunch. The good news is that he is definitely over 6' so I can wear heels tonight with my jeans. I've let my Twitter friends know to pretend I don't exist as the *last* thing I need is for him to find my Twitter account... and this blog.


Until next time.



Leah

The one with the dating posts.

I've decided to compile a blog post with all of my past blogs that are about dating experiences, good or bad. Some are emo, some are silly. Some are personal, others aren't as personal.  

friendly PSA for guys that are online dating, March 2011 - Since I've decided to re-embark (is that a word?) in online dating, I've notice so many things wrong with guys' profiles... Yikes.

options for single girls these days, october 2010 - I briefly talk about some experiences I've had that prove to me that the more you date, the more open-minded you have to be.

secret single behavior, september 2010 - This is one of my favorite posts. We all have SSB's, I highlight my personal favorites of my own.

my stupid mouth, september 2010 - I think with dating, you ALWAYS learn something about yourself. I learned, and continue to learn, that my mouth usually gets me in trouble.

the open letter to Corey, september 2010 - Corey is one that *still* tugs at my heart strings... (he's officially out of my life)... but I opened my heart and wrote a letter I know he'd never read or see. PS: why would I even want to be with someone that does these things?

learning through others, september 2010 - One of my good friends was actively dating and I got to hear a lot about her experiences. I highlight a specific situation.

apparently I'm not long term relationship material, september 2010 - haha, I have to laugh at myself. I was bummed out that all of these dates continued to just end after that, a couple dates. I like the photos I found.

don't let me go, august 2010 - Ouch. Other CH post. What a mess. (Kind of emo post)

once a cheater, always a cheater? august 2010 - Should you be honest about your past? Do you want a potential significant other to tell you the truth, even if it's brutal?

"since you're over me now, can we be friends?" august 2010 - Can you be friends with an ex? (note, emo mentions of CH again. Ugh!)

note to self, july 2010 - Ah yes. He's just NOT that into you.

das boot, june 2010 - the one where I explain the "cycle of Corey". *sigh* See - I understood it. I just didn't ACT on it.

the trouble with dating... june 2010 - I have no patience and I hate waiting for things. This is why I have trouble dating. (author's note, I have changed this habit immensely. I have pushed dating to the back burner, therefore I don't sit and wonder what is going on. I figure if someone actually wants to go out, they'll do it. Progress, Leah!)

success! june 2010 - recap of a date. (note: although nothing romantically happened with this guy, we are still friends and grab drinks now and then. Nice guy, that R2P.)

Enjoy!

L

3 dates in one weekend?

Confession: I enjoy dating.

I'm always up for being set up. I have a profile on a couple different online sites. I live my life just like normal but if someone offers to set me up with someone, I'm all in. If anything, I either get a great story out of it or a new friend. It is always fun. I'm very social and I love meeting new people.

That said, as of late I've kicked up my online dating. I've had a few trusted friends read my profile and offer advice. I updated photos, edited my profile and took some initiative to send some messages.

I've got three (3) prospects at the moment and hope to get an initial meeting set up soon.

I don't get nervous until about 30 minutes before we meet. It's at the moment I'm getting ready to leave my apartment that I question what in the HELL I am doing. Going to meet a stranger with hopes they LIKE me, or something? That's when I call or text my best friend and she gives me a confidence boost and pushes me to go.

So, the prospects.

I've exchanged quite a few emails with "the fish guy" (inspiration for the last post). Even with his half-assed grammar and photos with 40 dead fish, I'm still going to meet him. Why? I have nothing to lose. He seems genuine and hard working, he's tall and cute. I have to call him tonight to set something up for Saturday. I'm thinking mid-day coffee. Although, something about the dead fish doesn't scream "coffee guy" to me. Maybe we'll go to Applebee's.

We've got an actor/comedian turned corporate guy. That sounds fun. I'm curious about how someone majors in theater in college then works in the corporate world. He has challenged me  to a hair competition. He said in a message that it seems like I have nice hair (LOL) and he's always been told HE has great hair. It's not long or anything, just normal, short McDreamy-ish hair. I have to say, I do have great hair. Only because of my salon and the amazing products I use. I'm positive I'll win. But I digress.

Finally, we've got the suburban living, Minnesota Twins-loving IT guy. I've only exchanged 2 emails with him but he seems like he has it together. He's got a big boy job and a house, and is right in my ideal age range at 25. I was drawn to his profile because of the MN Twins hat he was wearing. I clearly said that in the message (because I'm taking initiative). *Update: we've exchanged a few more emails I'm not impressed with the grammar... ex: "I haven't been to a Wild game yet neither". Also he gave me his cell number and said to text him. I also won't do this because that sets things up to be weird, and it is a whole other post... "why you shouldn't text someone before you meet them".

I've decided to try to squeeze all three in this weekend because, well, why not. I have nothing to lose.

I've got a busy weekend ahead, because in addition to this, I'm going with a couple friends to the Minnesota Beard Off at the Turf Club in St. Paul.

Until next time!

L

A friendly PSA to guys that are dating online.

It seems like it SHOULD be common sense but lately I've been seeing these things far too often. I feel as though guys need to read and sign a document stating they've read basic tips for creating an online dating profile. 

I've had my fair share of online dating experiences. I feel like it would be quite rude to send someone a message telling them what is wrong with their profile. So, I'll do it here. I speak from experience with every one of these situations. Sad, I know.

Here are my two cents to guys that are online dating. 

1. Iwanturpanties just sent you a message!

Pick a decent user name. That is an example of a real user name of a message sender in my inbox. I'm not even going to open the message. Go with something simple. Your first name, last initial and a number. Stay away from anything dumb like "BigFun4U" (also a real user name I've seen).

2. Take the chick out of your pic

There should not be another girl in your profile picture. I don't care if it's your sister or your cousin, we don't know this. Seeing you with a woman is unattractive and naturally, as women, we'll be curious. It isn't that hard to crop the photo so it's just you. In fact, ask the nice lady in your photo because she'll probably know how to do it. 

I recently saw a photo and the guy didn't even bother with cropping. Instead, the woman's face was literally blacked out with a marker before the photo was scanned (who scans photos anymore?).

Try to limit the animal photos. Unless you moonlight as a black lab, I don't need to see the pic of your dog. Okay, you like to fish and you caught 60 fish, but we don't need 3 photos of you with the fish. A photo of you with a bloody deer? Kind of gross. Save that picture for your guy friends and show us a picture of you without a carcass.

I'm a real catch!

So, what photos can you use?  A face shot where you're smiling would be ideal. Have more than 1 photo. There has to be a good RECENT photo of you out there somewhere.

3. "Your very pretty!"

Make sure that you're using correct grammar.  Know the difference between your and you're. Capitalize words. Tonight I saw a guy that looked like a normal guy but his entire "In Your Own Words" section was lowercase and using slang. In fact, here's an excerpt from someone that showed up as one of my "top matches"... 

"heyo im a real cool guy. i love hanging out and fishing. i have a job and a car and i am a student in business and marketing."

This is not someone that appears as though their first language is not English, so I don't cut slack for that reason. If writing isn't your strength, then maybe online dating isn't for you.

  

I don't think I'm being too picky when I say I want to date a man that can spell and form a sentence. 

4. Steer clear of the obvious

So now that you've got a solid user name, a basic photo and you can use your words in a positive way, what do you write about? As a woman, I want to know a few things from your profile. Keep it short and sweet, but not TOO short. Personally, I think 2-3 paragraphs is good. Women have a longer attention span and focus more on the words than men do, so this advice would be different for women. I don't mind actually reading a profile. First and foremost, don't lie. Just be honest.

 

DO: Tell me what you like about where you live. Especially in the Twin Cities, there are so many unique neighborhoods and it can tell a lot about you. If you're passionate about Uptown, you're probably a hipster. If you spend all your time in Dinkytown, I bet you're in college. Crocus Hill kind of guy? You're clearly classy. 

Talk about what goals you have. Are you an athlete? What are you favorite sports to play? Are you training for a marathon? Mention that. What are you looking for? I don't mean saying you want a hot blonde with blue eyes. I mean, are you looking for a serious relationship or casual dating? I know it may hard to actually think about what you want but if you're online, there's a REASON, right? What do you hope to get out if it?

DON'T: Talk about how busy you are. Everyone is BUSY, this is obvious. If you're looking to date then you don't want to say that your free time is consumed by grad school and 4 rec softball leagues. Chances are, we'll think you don't have time for us.

5. The message

If you've found someone that gets you jazzed up, send her a message. Don't be intimidated. What do you have to lose? Keep the message short and sweet. Comment on something in her profile. Don't send a standard message to every single person but personalize it a little. Ask a couple of questions that will warrant a response.

I hope that my friendly public service announcement helps you or someone you know with their problems with online dating. As a young, single woman that is actively online dating, I'd like more men to know some basics things to do and some things to stay away from when creating their profile. It will make it easier and less painful for all of us. 

the kind of love i want

I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

I want a real love. I am a hopeless romantic & I want more. I want it all. I want that rush, high, happiness that comes from being loved. I want the giggles, the laughs, the goofiness. I want...

to be inspired.

to be happy.

to be loved.

I want this. I will get this. I won't settle.

personal.

my blog is a place that I express innermost feelings. I don't really edit or sensor myself. mostly because a) no one really reads this and b) if they do, they're probably a close friend.

My post below re: over analyzing really got me thinking today (HA!). I needed to jot down some notes and it helped me to map out these issues that are bothering me. I also did some research.

Here it is:

I am over analytical and I have a need for affirmation. The first (being over analytical) stems from using that as a coping mechanism as a child, the desire to "be better" than what I was, I analyzed to protect myself.

The second (need for affirmation) is rooted in low self-esteem, I seek in relationships what I didn't get as a child, i.e. affirmations and compliments. So the question then is how do I solve these?

My notes say:

1. Don't seek out a relationship for the wrong reasons
2. Be less emotional
3. Stop over analyzing.

I was glad to spend the afternoon really digging deep into these two issues that bother me. If I can't deal with them, I'll never be healthy.

What do you do...

...when you're an over analyzer? I over analyze. I pick apart words that are said and drive myself crazy trying to figure out what someone means when they're saying something. Is this rooted in the fact that I've been burned, jaded and hurt? so what are the things I am analyzing? my brain is constantly going 100 miles per minute (or so it seems). I wonder if this guy I had two dates with really wants to have a 3rd date like he says. I wonder if people are using me and have ill intentions.

something else I've noticed about myself, and this has been confirmed in the past. In fact a certain someone broke up with me because of (one of the many reasons) my "need for affirmation" #lame So, I know that I need compliments, I need affirmation from the person I am dating. Should I seek this out elsewhere so it doesn't need to be fulfilled by someone I'm dating?

Is it wrong to seek out affirmation? I don't think I actually SEEK it out. I am generally confident and happy. But, something I ask for in the person I'm dating is that they let me know, with words or actions, that they're into me. Is it too much?

lmz.

i'm sorry for you, just so you know.

Things with C ended... because as I may or may not have shared, well.. I won't blast it out here but it's over. the truth is... there was nothing to end.

he didn't answer my calls
I went to his house once from a dating period of April through November
he only emailed me from his work email

I should have seen the signs.
I should have quit before I knew I'd be broken.

the bottom line is, I don't know the truth. I don't know the back story. But apparently some girl is "in love" with him.
he led me on.
he lied to me.
he told me beautiful words and tricked me into believing fallacies.

I've been through my fair share of break-ups, really, I have. But for some reason, this one still stings.

I'm hurt. Someone told me they cared for me. Someone told me I was beautiful, amazing, a wonderful woman. I feel betrayed. Lied to. Tricked. Used.

This "ended" almost a month ago. I'm still bitter. I'm sick to my stomach. It brings me to tears. I'm angry. I quite literally want to smack him, kick him and cry in his face.

But I won't. I'm strong. I'm better than that. And I am fine, generally. It is just these randoms pangs of anger and bitterness that take me over.

Because I confronted him. And told him. And asked for an apology. Just a simple, "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Leah. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I led you on. I made a mistake."

I got nothing. nothing. 8 months of "dating"... and nothing?

I suppose I should take that silence and interpret it as him walking away.

Just needed to vent.

oh, and. this sara b song = <3....

say you're sorry

I want the one word that you refuse to say to me
You're so good at giving me responsibility
I wash my hands clean and let you watch me as I go
I'm sorry for you, just so you know


lmz.

Uffda.

Almost 3 weeks without a post, yeesh. So much in my head and so much going on in my life I just sort of forgot. I said what needed to be said to that jerk face and I'm over it. My heart is protected & I refuse to let someone in just to hurt me again.

Enough of that.


I've been a beast about the gym and I'm proud. I'm in a new relationship with myself. I've been *enjoying* the treadmill and walking and running. I love getting ready and going and feeling great after a work out. I don't want to see this, like I do now...

So, that is good. I guess that's really all.. I should probably work. It's pretty busy & I have a ton to do. Mer.

lmz.



...but I never asked.

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet

And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man

We're all entitled to 'em

But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe

But I'm not drowning

There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to

Jump up on board with you

Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps

With my name on them in all caps

You got the talkin' down just not the listening

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe...

 



Fear of Commitment, part II.

I just wrote a pretty deep and personal (for me) blog about Corey and his fear of commitment.

After I posted, I got to thinking about how much Corey reminds me of Chandler Bing.

Friends is probably my #1 favorite show, right up there with Sex and the City. Chandler, because his parents are divorced and seeing Ross and Rachel's turbulent relationship, is scared of commitment.

In this clip we see Chandler early on, before him and Monica fall in love. Chandler is dating Janice (Oh. My. Gawd.) and can't seem to commit.

So there we have it, people. Corey has actually always reminded me of Chandler. And it's good to joke around a little more with the whole situation.

And now, I'm off to class... ughhhh..

lmz

Fear of Commitment

What does it mean to have a fear of commitment? It is rooted in fear - fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. Commitment phobia is the "technical" term for someone who is scared to commit. Someone might be scared to commit for many reasons: fear of the unknown, fear of being with one person, fear of self-actualization and that something will actually work. When do you stop making excuses for someone who is scared to commit and go on with your life?


Someone who has a fear of commitment can talk the talk, but not walk the walk. He'll make plans for the future and say things like "when we're married" or "when you move in with me" but doesn't follow through. This quote I found exemplifies the exact way this works:

"It's easy to be seduced by pretty words, but unless there's follow-through in the end, you're left with nothing to hold onto but an empty promise." quote found here

I've gone back and forth, racked my brain, given up, been done and gone back with this guy. A simple search of my blog with the tag CH brings up all the posts about him. http://lmz87.blogspot.com/search/label/CH

 

My realization of the real issue here came to me this morning. After recollecting the events that occured last night, it hit me. He's scared to commit. He likes me - he says he likes me. I believe him.

 

We made plans to get pizza and have a low-key night. The plans were firmed up in the morning. At 4:30pm I got a text.

"you may not want to see me tonight. I just threw up." him

"that's on you, however you feel." me

"I'll let you know in the next half hour" him

I was pissed, angry, hurt, upset, sad. Mostly sad. I seem to be disappointed by his actions more times than not. I build it up to be something it's not and I'm left sad and heartbroken. But for some reason, I can't quit him. I don't know why.

I call him.

I don't want to waste the next 30 minutes questioning in my head if he actually is sick or if he's making excuses not to see me.

 

Had a quick convo.

Rescheduled.

I Said some rude things.

Hung up.

 

I texted.

 

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well but actually I rescind my offer for Sunday. i'm done with your excuses and I get that you're not interested. Good luck."

"Ok, but I'd rather be with you than throwing up. Sorry you don't believe me" him

"It isn't that I don't believe you I'm sure you're sick I'm just disappointed I really wanted to see you and have a normal night and I always get disappointed when I let myself get excited about seeing you something falls through. And you always put it on me, it's frusting and I'm sick of being let down."

 

In the past, when I freak out, he runs. He's gone. But he kept at it...

 

"How am I putting it on you?"

" "you might not want to see me" I don't care if you're sick I can understand not wanting go out to eat when you don't feel well but it's not like I'm a stranger or someone you've had two dates with. I've known you for over a year I am not scared of you not feeling well. Maybe you could try "why don't you come over here and hang out" would have been good"

 

After this he suggested that he picks me up from work and we hang out at my apartment. I went back and forth. I wanted to be firm, put my foot down and say NO I am done. But I wanted to see him. I was excited. I LIKE HIM.

 

{In his defense, he's a good guy. He's cute. He's tall, brown hair, brown eyes, amazing smile. Sense of humor. Great job, great life goals. Great family (from what he says). Can hold a conversation. My only drawback is that he wears cargo khaki's, but mostly just spite me}

 

He picked me up, told me he wanted to talk to me and it wasn't bad. We picked up pizza to go and went over to my best friend's apartment and we all watched a movie together. After the movie we went to my apartment and he spilled his heart to me. He told me he didn't want to never see me again, and he got that vibe from my texts. He told me he thinks I'm beautiful and amazing, smart and sexy.

 

I have concluded that it is fear to commit. But, how can you feel this way about someone and not want to "lock it down", seal the deal, etc? That's what I don't get... Maybe I'm just making more excuses than needed but I've researched fear of commitment, how to date someone with this fear and how to get them to open up and overcome their fears.

So for now, I go forward. I am guarded, I am not going to lie. I am numb to him since I haven't really opened up 100%. So what's next...

 

I'm not sure. I'll try to keep you posted.

lmz.

 



Day 09

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I am proud to say that I generally have remained friends with and kept people I've wanted in my life but recently I've drifted from someome I called a best friend for four years... And now it's to the point where, although I haven't made an effort, she hasn't either. I feel like she's so consumed in her life, school and her boyfriend and other friends, that she just doesn't "need" me anymore... And although I could send a text, email, call, facebook etc... I just feel like it's awkward now. We haven't spoken (communicated) since September... and so now what? Ya know? I don't know....

lmz.

Day 08

I don't really like this question but I figured I'd answer anyway since it is the 30 days of thruth...

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I would say the only thing that sticks out is the horrible memory of being in junior high and having some girls be mean to me for not smoking pot with them! I cried and it was awful, but then again, junior high in general is awful...

Day 07

I haven't done this in a while so I'm behind, hence why I'm playing catch up now

~~~

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.



 
My grandma has made my life worth living. She has picked me up when I fell down. She makes me better. I love Granny.

And Jack, my cat. Obvi.

lmz



meow



Day 06

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope I never to bury a child. I hope I never have to see anyone close to me die in a horrible accident.

lmz

Day 5//30 days of truth

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.



I hope to do many thinks in my life.
 
graduate college (2012!)
fall in love. real love.
have a career I love.
 
Well. I could go on but I'll stop. I really hope to go somewhere international. Like Italy or Greece. Oohh Greece. That'd be nice. Maybe after I find that real love, eh?
 
:)
 
lmz

Hi....

What's up? Not much here. Just hanging out. Same old. Math class makes me near suicide. Just throwing that out there.

I will spend my entire weekend doing homework.

OK that's half true. Tomorrow morning I'm going for a long walk and hopefully jog a bit with Jacquie. We're going from our apartment down Summit, Ramsey, Smith and the high bridge and back! It's 5 miles there and back.

Seeing as how I'm doing the Turkey Day 5k in 3 weeks, I need to be able to jog a bit.

I haven't had a cigarette in a while, aren't you proud of me? I mean like 3 weeks. That's kind of a big deal. And when I see someone smoking I actually think it's gross. Nice, eh?

My brother also makes me crazy. I bought some amazing organic delcious heavenly BaNilla yogurt and cherry almond granola and I only got 2 servings.

He ate the rest. He also drank 6 cans of Dr. Pepper within 5 or 6 hours. Spilt Kool-Aid sugar all over my stove. Doesn't replace the toilet paper roll. Lays around my living and does nothing. It makes me sick to my stomach. Gross, right? Yeah. I think so. I'm so over him. He needs to leave.

And after he leaves I'm having two parties.
1. Cleaning party
2. PARTY. Girls party! Wine! Snacks! FUN!

I can't wait.

I will keep you posted on the progress of the great kick the brother out. It has taken me about 2 weeks to muster up the strength to talk to him because whenever I talk to him I break out in uncontrollable crying fits. BUT a nice combination of talk therapy and Zoloft has taken the edge off.

Anyway, I am going to leave work here. Tonight = relaxing with Jacquie and Ella.

Peace.

lmz

PS: don't get me wrong, I love my brother, I really really do. But he's not upholding his end of the bargain of him living with me. I've given him ample amount  of time to get his life together.

Happy Birthday, Mary

My littlest cousin Mary is 4 this week. How time flies...

Mary & Leah, 2008

2008

Mary & Rachel, 2007

Leah David and Mary, 2007

Christmas 2009

2010 pics:

30 days of truth, day 4

Once a week I'll answer the proposed question or statement truthfully for 30 weeks.


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I have to forgive a couple people.

First, my father, for ditching my mom even before I was born. For not being in my life and, to this day, not wanting to. I forgive him because, well why would anyone want to ruin a perfectly good thing (their life) with a mistake (me). *sarcasm* Anyway, for a long time I held it against him and thought the fact he didn't want to be in my life was because of me but I've since realized that's far from the truth.

I forgive my mother, for not being all she can be. She thinks she's a "disappointment" to me, but that's false. I forgive her for the times she called me a bitch and told me she hated me, thus driving me out of her home. Anyway, I forgive her for those things because, deep down inside, she loves me and cares about me.

Well that was intense!