Today is Ash Wednesday. I am meeting Grandma at a church downtown here for noon mass to get my ashes. I asked her, "Grandma, do I have to wear my ashes around on my forehead all day?" [not because I am embarrassed or ashamed but because I am a huge clutz and will probably wipe my forehead with the back of my palm and get it all over my work clothes!] and she responded with, "Sweetie, it nothing to be ashamed about". Obviously I am not ashamed to wear my ashes on my head.

But, at the age of 21, I am not sure that I even know why I am doing that? I made a decision to go to church today, and to make a commitment to myself to attend mass more frequently. I miss mass. It is beautiful. I love it. I love the time to reflect. I feel like there are so many things I just don't KNOW in this world. Why do we wear ashes on Ash Wednesday? Why did the Nazi's kill the Jews? I never learned this stuff. I am happy to say I know exactly why we 'give something up' for Lent. Not because it's 'cool' or 'fun' but because Jesus [another thing I don't "know": why sometimes is he God and other times Jesus? I thought Jesus was the son of God? But they're the same? So I know that JESUS gave up his life for us, he sat at the right hand of the FATHER who I presume is GOD. Oh man!] gave up his life for us. So we can give up something for a measley 40 days.

This year for lent, I am not giving up something tangible. I am giving up neediness. Neediness. I actually was going to give up pop, but that is so cliche and thought I'd try to quit smoking...then I saw an article on Oprah.com about giving up neediness for lent. I liked that idea. I am very needy. I have an addictive personality and I get hooked way too quick on people/things. So, for the next 40 days, I am going to make an effort to enjoy ME--to not care about having a date on Friday night with a [very nice, sweet & cute] boy. I am excited and anxious. I am ready to take each day and OWN it. For each day to be MINE. I know that I can do it. I can break my bad habit of being needy and co-dependent.


Some people are settling down
some are settling
and some people refuse to settle for anything less
than ::butterflies::

1 comment:

Meagan Linn said...

leah. first, i really like your idea...the giving up neediness. i think that when we give up physical things it just makes us miserable and doesn't really benefit us, because we're too busy missing what we gave up...not that i am saying we should not give things up, but we should do it for the right reasons, not just because it is lent and we're supposed to. i think your idea is a good one. it will benefit your character, and that is far more important and precious than whether or not you smoke. you're a smart girl. and as far as the Trinity (Father, Son, and Spirit), well...that is confusing. a lot of the Bible talks about faith, like coming to believe by faith...and faith is the things we cannot see. but it goes a long with trust.and some things we are not meant to understand. i personally like not knowing everything about God. it keeps everything in perspective, to see how big and awesome He is. and if i think about the God the Father and Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit all being one for too long, than i just get frustrated. so i don't know if that helps you at all...it probably doesn't. but i just thought i'd share my thoughts. i love you and am excied for olive garden and caribou in just a few weeks!! have a good weekend! :)