The sun will come out... tomorrow....

Look out your window, my sunshine's all around. All you have to do is just surrender.

Open up your eyes, don't you know you're just wasting time?

If that's the way you want it, well there you go.

-A.Simps.

I guess I'll just never understand, how if you want something, you *won't* go after it. I've always been the kind of girl to fight for something I want, whether it was an extra hour out when I was living at home as a teenager or more work to do at work. I'm always the kind of person to try hard for things I want and for the people I love. I guess I can understand that there are people who may like someone and think they're "wonderful & beautiful" but think that pursuing them any more than they are will just be come "too intense" or will "limit them from other people". With all that said, I know what who I am talking about, I hope that he finds happiness in his life, and I hope that one day he is able to open up to others about his feelings. I hope that he can be honest with himself and others. I hope that he doesn't have regrets for not going after what he wanted. Or maybe, he didn't want it at all and was too afraid of hurting me to say it? Well.. actions do speak louder than words. Always.
::L

beautiful mess.

You've got the best of both worlds

You're the kind of girl who can take down a man

And lift him back up again

You are strong but you're needy,

Humble but you're greedy

And based on your body language,

And shoddy cursive I've been reading

Your style is quite selective,

though your mind is rather reckless

Well I guess it just suggests

that this is just what happiness is


Hey, what a beautiful mess this is

It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write

Kind of turn themselves into knives

And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction

But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear

'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice

Your comebacks they're quick

And probably have to do with your insecurities

There's no shame in being crazy

Depending on how you take these

Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say

Kind of turn themselves into blades

And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard

But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt

Cause here, here we are, Here we are

What a beautiful mess, this is

It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth




And tides they turn and hearts disfigure

But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts

But it's nice today.

Oh the wait was so worth it.

*j.mraz

Blessed are the peacemakers

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 

Matthew 5:3-10

 

I wish you would

Vote for KOB to go to NYC.




Send KOB to NYC!


KOB (pronounced cobe) is a friend of mine and is a really great and talented guy. I had the pleasure of meeting and his "crew" - Ashley, Lauren and Verse Uno - a couple weekend ago in Mankato. He was doing a show that Ella and I attended because our other friend was in it, too. Anyways, it'd be really great to see him go, he's so sweet and deserving. His new mixtape is awesome, my favorite songs have to be David Letterman, Ego remix and Life & Times.

Check out his video, CLICK 10 stars and let's see him to go NYC.

I wanna rock right now

I wanna

I wanna rock right now

come on rock that body

just sayin'.

simple joys.

                   caribou cold press + white chocolate.

new peep toe pumps

a simple email from someone special.
sunshine.

                                                    diet coke.

licorice.

                                   country music.
                          michael buble, "moondance"
wedding plans for miss alyss.
                                      jack the cat. ((meow))
                                                                            coffee dates.
                                   shopping.
      smiles. 
                            h o p e --> for: the future. friends. l.o.v.e.
           monday. a *great* monday.
                                                                  finding inspiration in unlikely places.
               grandma.
                                                                   ::peace::

what i'd give

to be at the Twins game today.

*sigh*

I'll go soon, really.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to my blogger girls :) 

-LMZ

storyofmylife

Honestly, being single is great. [Being in a relationship has it perks as well] As of late I've really enjoyed my "me" time. Of course, someday, Mr. Perfect will come along and sweep me off my pretty & pedicured, peep-toe pump wearing feet.

Until then, I enjoy my time with myself. I love coming home to a big empty [except jack of course] apartment, taking off all my clothes and walk around in my underwear while I read my mail and think of what to have for dinner. Then I usually put on my work out clothes and head down to Anytime or go for a walk or jog. I don't have to worry about arranging my schedule for someone else, other than my best friends.

Of course we're aware my <3 for John Mayer. His newest CD, Battle Studies, is all about heartbreak and breakups. So perfect. In fact there's a song called "perfectly lonely" and that, my friends, is my theme song. I'll share with you...

Had a little love, but I spread it thin

Falling in her arms and out again

Made a bad name for my game 'round town

Tore out my heart, shut it down

Nothing to do, nowhere to be

A simple little kind of free

Nothing to do, no one but me

And that's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

I see my friends around from time to time

When their ladies let 'em slip away

And when they ask me how I'm doin' with mine

This is always what I say

Nothing to do, nowhere to be

A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be

Is it really hard to see why

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say there never comes a day

I'll take my chances and start again

And when I look behind on all my younger times

I'll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, and nobody belongs to me

Oh Mr. Mayer. You make my heart happy.

I don't know why..

But I love this guy!!! 

....so I made a nice little drawing at work.

Just another Friday.

64 degrees.

Afternoon thunderstorm.

finebyme.

tonight: homework
Saturday: homework. work? dinner date.
Sunday: Easter! Mass @ St. Thomas More, G-ma's.

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together

For Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Forever

Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends

Lookin' like another, "Maybe we can be friends."

I've been leaving it up to fate

It's my life so it's mine to make

 

I ain't settlin'

For just getting by

I've had enough so-so

For the rest of my life

Tired of shooting too low

So raise the bar high

"Just enough," ain't enough this time

I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything

&more

oh-fer-caute

http://www.weheartit.com/, new fav addicting website.

as of late.

First: I love those two. I was browsing old photos and stumbled across this. My heart was happy.

Second: Haven't actually written anything in a while. So here goes some stuff on my mind...

I've spent the past couple weeks really reflecting on myself; my past, my present and what I want in my future. I truly believe that every encounter with every person changes me. I've learned *so* much in the past few years as I've grown up. I am thankful for all of those changes that had to happen to make me who I am today. Most recently, Luke broke up with me. Luke and I started dating in January and I was immediately head. over. heels. He did everything perfect, he said all the right things, did all the right things.... and then decided it's not what he wanted. I trust him and I know that he meant that. I thank him for being honest with me. I realized then, more than ever, what I want. I want forever. I wasn't being honest with myself, I thought I was 'too young' or 'not there' but I realized that doesn't matter. If I were to be lucky enough to find someone that I felt, after getting to know him, etc, that he was my 'one', well I'd go for it. I know the things that are important me. value. trust. communication. honesty. respect. & someday I'll find someone that shares those with me. & we'll live happily ever after.

Oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation

Half of my heart takes time

Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

That I can't keep loving you

With half of my heart

Your faith is strong

But I can only fall short for so long

Down the road, later on

You will hate that I never gave more to you

Than half of my heart

Something's gotta give me butterflies

Something's gotta make me feel alive

Something's gotta give me dreams at night

Something's gotta make me feel alright

I don't know where it is

But something's gotta give

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend, and you might even fall in love with them.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing so fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you care about.

So take too many pictures, laugh too hard, and love like you've never been hurt. Because every minute spent mad or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

iwantyou.

super cute coach bag. <---- in this color

new work out clothes.

more shoes. ---> heels. peep toes. sling backs. flats. wedges. [can a girl ever have too many? no. especially with all my new closet space!]

nice big headboard for my nice new bedroom.

ILOVEMYNEWAPARTMENT

It's so big and I am never moving. EVER. again. =P

love

1. taylor swift
2. caribou coffee
3. winter/the north face/ice skating
4. ipod
5. jack (meow)

Searching all my days just to find you

I'm not sure who I'm looking forI'll know it

When I see you

Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom

Staying up all night just to write

A love song for no one

~john mayer

you and i both.

...And it's okay if you have to go away

Oh just remember the telephone works both ways

And if I never ever hear them ring

If nothing else I'll think the bells inside

Have finally found you someone else and that's okay

Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see me now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of...
well I'm almost finally, finally, out of words.
-j.mraz

just haven't met you yet...

I might have to wait

I’ll never give up

I guess it's half timin'

and the other half's luck

Wherever you are

Whenever it's right

You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazin'

And baby your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And promise you kid

I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet.

the more:

• bad dates I have
• I see my friends in relationships they shouldn't be in
• I get to know myself
• I get to know what I want
• I get hit on by creepers
• I appreciate myself

.... the more I know that someday, there will be someone just *perfect* for me. I think it'll be a perfect compliment. I think I'll be inspired. I think it'll be love.at.first.sight.

&& until then. I'm happy. :o) Life is goood.

~l <3

meet me in chicago <3

Meet me in Chicago

Down by the water line

Step across the gold coast

To my heart and to your wine

<3 Pandora

You paint a picture on the wall

Cause you've got a lot to tell me

But you don't think you could say it better oh baby

You're bringing up times I can't recall

And I'm sure they made your point

But I just can't seem to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feeling

And I can't say I'm agreeing

With your topic of conversation S

o just listen to the reasons

And the hints I've been giving

To the thoughts of my imagination

So come on let me see

I say baby you are amazing

I want to let you see

That you are everything and more to me

I will let you be I will I will

Cause I saw you walking down the hall

And I had a lot to tell you

But I didn't think you could say it better oh baby

You're good at makin me feel so small

And I know you made your point

But I just don't want to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feelin

And I cant say I'm agreein with your topic of conversation

So just listen to the reasons

And the hints that I've been giving

To the thoughts of my imagination

Cause I'm dancing around

In your world of play

I'm takin my time to make sure you stay

I would give my life to make it okay

So come on let me see...

~josh kelley

girlfriends: if you are not using Pandora, you need to! It's so great. I am on John Mayer radio right now. That song (Amazing) just came on. Makes me want to dance. :)

I was totally going to do a fancy cute thing like Meggers and Carrie BUT I'm so sleepy.

So it's so crazy busy at work that they're giving us laptops to work at home. On top of working from 8am-6pm M-F.

So much for taking an extra class next term. Mer. It's ok. It'll be ok. I actually do like working and am glad I can justify sitting on the couch by having my laptop on my lap. Working. Getting paid!

loves.

Saint Paul

Just when I had you off my head

Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed

You say you wanna try again

But I've tried everything but giving in

Why you wanna break my heart again

Why am I gonna let you try

I love you more than songs can say

But I can't keep running after yesterday

So why you wanna break my heart again

Why am I gonna let you try

-john mayer.all we ever do is say goodbye

battle studies

2009

meow

I love my cat, Jack :]

broken <3

David came over last night for our weekly dinner date. He shared with me that he met someone on Saturday night. And he wanted to see where it was going to go. But that he loved me and cared for me and only wanted the best for me. He wants to be in my life blah blah blah...

and it hurts. soo bad. Here I was.. ready.. ready to make it work, to make US work and BAM. Like a ton of bricks. Right to the heart. Hmph. =(

decisions...

SO I had a meeting with my advisor last night! I'll be done with school in December of 2012.... It seems like a lonngggg time away but I know it's not, and I know it'll fly! I am excited because I'm minoring in sales! I have some credits for electives but decided to pick up a minor. So my major will be Marketing and Management, and my minor is Sales.

My pickle is this:

MBA or MAOL?

MBA is a Master's of Business Administration & MAOL is an 'alternative' to the MBA; it is a Master's of Organziational Leadership.....

Hmmm...

Well, four years ago I was set on being a social work major.
& now I'm totally NOT that...

so... only time will tell :)

~L

thankful.

this is me procrastinating studying....

Thanksgiving is coming up and this year, I have *so* much to be thankful for.

On September 22nd, 2009 my 14 year old brother was hit by a truck while riding his bike. He was airlifted to North Memorial Hospital. Seeing him laying the E.R. was the most devistating image in my mind. We knew he'd make it, but would he know who we were? When you're hit by a truck going 30 mph and you're not wearing a helmet, it's a scary thing and it's a possibility you will have severe brain damage. The first few days were the worst. After Logan got out of surgery, before they took out his breathing tubes, he ripped them out himself. He was crying, but couldn't cry... he had tears coming out his eyes.

To this day, I have nightmares about losing my brother. He had an angel with him, that is for sure. We are lucky that we are 7 weeks out and he's out of a cast for his broken leg and into a wheelchair. He is back in school and overall, doing well. He has a little bit of trauma stress, too... especially if anyone talks about it. He doesn't remember anything about it.

My senior year of high school (2005), my brother Justin moved away. He went to live in a boys type home in Milaca, MN. I didn't see him until September of 2005. It was 9 months. I was hysterical. Everytime after that, it got better. But, it's been a long road for him. It's been 4+ years and probably 5 or 6 different treatment facilities but if all is well, he'll be discharged, for good, on Friday...

This Thanksgiving is the first since 2004 that I'll be with my mom and brothers. My brothers are my rocks. I would do anything and give anything for either of them. I love them both with all my heart. I don't know what I would do if I lost either of them. Thankfully, I do not have to think about that. I have two healthy and vibrant brothers to share my life with.

But you're

Untouchable

Burning brighter than the sun

And now that you're close

I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night

When I'm in this dream

It's like a million little stars

Spelling out your name

You gotta, come on, come on

Say that we'll be together

...litte taste of heaven..

untouchable--[t.swift]

amazing.

By far the best product.. ever. This smells soooo good. I won the conditioner at work and am now wanting to purchase *everything*.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

maybe our mistakes are what make our fate ~carrie bradshaw

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. -- Author Unknown

"What happens when he's your prince charming, but you're not his cinderella?"

love.never.fails.

for God is greater than our hearts
and knows everything.
Beloved, if (our) hearts do not condemn us,
we have confidence in God
and receive from him whatever we ask

i have faith.

i have faith that if i take a step back & stop analyzing, that everything will work out.

i know that i am happy as i am.

i know that the *one* i want, the *one* i love, loves me too.

he makes me want to be a better person.

he makes me smile.

he makes me laugh.

i know that what's meant to be

will find it's way

i trust.

trust.

i trust. & hope. & pray. & love.

i am ready now.

come get me.

i'm ready.

st. paul.

I love St. Paul. I can not rave enough about the 651. I had *the best* St. Paul day on Saturday the 24th. I walked from my apartment, to Grand Ave. Spent the entire day on Grand. Met Kelly for lunch. Shopped. Went to Cossetta's with Ella. Went out at night with Kelly and Dana. Had a great, great night. I love St. Paul. & Securian. =]

snazzy.

Well it's been over a month - almost 2 months - since I've posted. I drew a litte inspiration off Meggie's blog. She's such a good writer. So, some news:

On the break up front, I'm over that whole thing! I truly believe that *everything happens for a reason* & that at that point I could not see it and was devastated, but now, I am happy. I am fine. I am excited for this new thing, singlehood, which will prepare me for MNBF, as I like to call him... [my next boyfriend]. I think it's clever. Anyway, I have been told that I need to not have this "list" of things I will or won't have in someone I date, but I think, it's okay to not want to date a felon (more on that later) or to not date someone that wears white socks with work clothes... or to make sure the next person I date not only has standards but dreams and desires. I won't settle. & I think that is perfectly OK. But I also learned something from that relationship, as I realize, I learn from every human interaction in my life. I also learned that I'm not totally over my real, true love.. David. I miss him a lot. Especially in the Fall, as we spent the past 3 Falls together... I have changed and grown soo much since we've been apart and I *wish* we could be together.... BUT. We're not. So.... on I go.... living, and learning...

In other news: MY BFF Alyssa got engaged! I am *so* happy for her - and honored! I get to be a bridesmaid! Alyssa and I have been friends since 7th grade. That is SO long! That means I've known Meggers since she was in 5th grade. I remember her - basketball playing, cat loving, Meagan! Anyway, I am so so so SO excited, I have never been a bridesmaid before! We already picked our dresses and they are to die for. SO cute. I love them. Alyssa's ring and dress are beautiful. I am confident that the wedding will be great and her and Mike will have a wonderful, happy married life together. <3>

School is going well. Granted, I have one class.... I like the weekend college format and I love St. Kate's, a lot. Someday when I get married [to MNBF ;)] it will be at St. Kate's. Or the Cathedral. I don't know which one just yet :) I just know that whenever it happens, it'll be perfect. Maybe 2 years, maybe 10. Who knows! There is a plan for me, so we shall see.

Work is good. We have been CRAZY busy at Securian.... and I like that, but I hate feeling so behind all the time and never getting anything done... Sometimes I wish that I could just do school, and not have to work.. but then I snap out of it. I am sort of feeling that way today.... thinking life would be easier if I didn't work 40 + hours a week, if I could just have classes and study and do homework.. but then I remember that I have to have a job in order to pay my rent! And I think, well I'll just move to Grandma's! then I think... no... I like my apartment and my independence... so... I just stay content!

Mr. Jack is so naughty. Jack is my cat, btw. He's such a little twerp and always getting into something. The other night, I was moving my bed around and he decided to help... He's so bad but so stinkin' cute, I can't resist him!

Mmkay. Ella's coming down for lunch. Chicken Strips & Mashed Potatoes. A highlight in the caf at Securian (like Italian Dunkers in school).

~L

//i ain't settlin, or just getting by, i've had enough so-so for the rest of my life, tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high, cause love ain't enough this time. i ain't settling, for anything less than everything...\\

it's gonna hurt bad before it gets better...

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

It just hit me last night that I am single again... That Nick dumped ME. It's been a while since I've been the dumpee rather than the dumper. It hurts. I remember why I put up walls after David and why I didn't want to get into a relationship. Because I hate the feeling of walking around somewhere and thinking of that other person. I am ready to be single; I need to be single. But, I also need to not pretend it doesn't hurt and that I am not sad. Because I am. And it does hurt. And I am sad. I'm sad because I'll miss Nick. He was quirky and cute and funny. I'll miss having someone to spend time with. I will miss him. But... I just need to give it time and it will all be okay.

~L

It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
keith urban.tonight i wanna cry.

thankyou~thankyou~thankyou!

Thanks to everyone for coming out for my Bday. It was a blast :)

On a side note - Nick broke up with me last night! I am doing just fine... sometimes things just aren't meant to be! So I'll be sad for a few days but then I'll move on and get over it.

love love.

L

Don't let me stop you from doing what you wanna do
You don't wanna stick, trust me it's cool, take no chance, get over you
No, no don't let me stop you, if you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me if it ain't true
No don't let me stop you
-k.clarkson. don't let me stop you.

Whoa.

I have been soo busy....

update:

I moved a couple of weeks ago! I am back to where I belong: THE STP! *so* close to work. I live right near the Cathedral, and let me tell you, it is beautiful. I love waking up and going outside to head to work to see the sun rising and reflecting off of it. It is a 1 bedroom apartment and it's just me and my cat, Jack. So amazing! AND my best friend, Ella, lives across the hall. Perfection.

I can't believe summer is almost over! It went wayyy to quick, as always.

My 22nd birthday is coming up. I can't believe I'll be 22! Turning 21 was so exciting, and now, 22 is just sort of like, meh...

I am going back to St. Kate's. I am enrolled in the Weekend College Program. My major is Marketing and Management. I am very excited.

Work is crazy busy. I love it though. It keeps me on my toes! I love Securian and I love working and being a grown up!

That's all for now.

~L