baggage and drama.

We all have it. Baggage. You've been left with it from your last relationship. you're holding onto it and just cannot let it go.

Tough shit. Let it go. Because you'll never get anywhere holding onto past relationships. I get it, I've been there. It took me a year to get over my relationship with D, and even after that rocky year, it took time before we were able to get where are now (friends).

In my most recent dating experience, as referenced in an earlier post, dude has major baggage. It came out early on and from there we (I) have decided we'll just be friends. Which is great. But now as friends I get to actually hear about this drama. Holy. Shit! Bitches be crazy! I get that I'm not "in it" but pro tip: either don't let the chick you're trying to bone into such drama OR don't have it. Wipe your hands clean. Move on. She clearly has, and you have to, too. And honestly, dating/sleeping with someone immediately may not be the BEST way to handle it. At least for me, it isn't.

And maybe it's because I've been emotionally unattached for so long (two years), but I don't have pity anymore. I feel bad, and I'm sorry that people have to deal with this but I'm more along the lines of "OK, it's over. It's over. I'll be sad for a while and do what I have to do, but it's done". Again, the next time I get dumped on my ass, I bet I have a different opinion.

The moral of the story is that I wish I would have been completely oblivious to this baggage and drama because then I wouldn't have been friend-zoned. And once you're there... you never come out.


Barkeep said...

Not sure I follow all of that, and I'm not sure I know to this day what constitutes baggage and what doesn't.

We all have a past, and that past shapes who we are today. We have emotional scars. I can't see yours, you can't see mine. But they don't go away, and you won't forget them, even though you can't see them. Who I am today is a result of the scars I have. That's not baggage, but perhaps some would look at it that way.

There's a fine line between baggage and scars, and it's not an exact science. Too much of life is imperfect.

You have touched on a topic that is worthy of far more examination, I think. Unfortunately that won't be by me. But I'd love to know, am I carrying around a lot of baggage, or am I emotionally scarred?

Leah said...

In this situation, it is literal "baggage", an ex-girlfriend.

The key with baggage and emotional wounds is knowing what it is, being aware. I know, for example, what I believe my biggest issue in dating is, and so I can work to solve that issue so it doesn't become an obstacle in a relationship.

I don't think the scars and experiences from the past constitute baggage, unless you let it get you down so much that you cannot move forward in a healthy way.

I think this topic deserves more investigation. Mostly I just needed to get off my chest that because of these scars/baggage dude is carrying around, we won't get anywhere beyond friends. It's fine though, he's a hipster.