One of those...

I turned on the Christmas music today at work, my favorite. The only thing is that it makes me realize how much I hate the holiday season....With it just around the corner, I am not exactly looking forward to it. Last year at this time, I was getting ready to move out...David and I were off again/on again (typical for that relationship). I just know when this season comes around, I want a boyfriend. I guess I wouldn't say boyfriend as much as I start to feel really..needy. Maybe it's because of my family 'situation' (which I really wouldn't justify as a situation, per say), and the fact that a) we're not really that close and b)the holidays are usually more depressing being around them then they are happy...

I am going to Duluth this weekend. I'm taking the Greyhound (aka Kelly Schmitz express bus) on Friday night. Saturday will be spent at Gooseberry Falls, followed by a night 'on the town', aka at Grandma's Bar & Saloon. I am hoping CJ (Crazy Joey) doesn't hunt me down, and I am going to be sure not to let him find out I'm in town. Which may be difficult. Sunday will just be relaxed, recovering from the night before. I get to meet my E, who is Kelly's BF (his name is Erik but he's always been referred to as E by us girlies, so there it is!). Kelly is one of my best friends, and I have yet to met her significant other! And it's been since this summer, too!! So I am going to be sure to put on my nice girl pants and try to not make him think I'm a creeper, which I actually am, Haha.

This week is going to be busy...I have a mid term tomorrow night for communications...I haven't studied yet, so I will have to do that tonight..I have to clean my place, it's pretty messy. Thursday I have to do homework for science so I don't fall too far behind...Next Monday will be spent at the library finishing my science work which is due on Tuesday the 21st at midnight.

Back to life in general, now that I am really, actually single, I am feeling good about it. I am having a hard time adjusting to not having someone to call to go out for a quick bite, or to a movie, or for a walk..but I think in time I'll get use to the solidarity. As much as I hate to say, because I pride myself on being independent and thinking for and doing everything for myself (which could be, and has been, interpreted as selfish) I think I have attachment issues. As I get older, I realize that I am needy. I am always wanting to have someone, particularily a boyfriend, around. I started dating Joey in Feb 2005. We broke up in October of 2006, a week later I started dating David, and we broke up (for good) in the end of September/early October 2008. We're looking at 3+ years in a relationship here...That's a lot to go from having to having nothing. It's easy for me to 'do my thing': go to work, go home, study, go out with girls on the weekend, but the hard part is not having just one person who I know cares, who I know wants to know what's going on in my life...I think no matter how I try to fill it, no matter who (in terms of men) I allow into my life, I feel jaded. So, for this time, in my life, I am going to embrace the fact I'm not tied down; the fact I don't have anyone to answer to. I'm young, I'm single, I'm more happy than not. And because I'm holding out for the one. I am not going to settle just anyone. I will not crawl back to the one I thought was the one, but was to naive and weak to ever leave.


And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that we're done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what

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