...but I never asked.

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet

And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man

We're all entitled to 'em

But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe

But I'm not drowning

There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to

Jump up on board with you

Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps

With my name on them in all caps

You got the talkin' down just not the listening

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe...

 



Don't let me go.

Maybe I am just being nostalgic or maybe I'm being emo. It's my birthday tomorrow...to me, a birthday, is a birthday. It's a day. I mean, yeah, I'm another year older, whoop de do. I guess it sort of hit me that I haven't had a boyfriend in a whole year. I've dated, and the most recent of that is obviously as we know, Corey. Corey's birthday was in May. I made him dinner and we went for a walk and watched a movie. To me, his birthday was quite meaningful. Actually, to both of us it was meaningful, and he did express to me. Corey and I are speaking terms, I even hung out with him like 2 weeks ago... and I won't even get an acknowledgement of the fact it's my birthday, and it hurts... is that wrong? [I obviously spoke too soon. a) my birthday isn't until tomorrow and b) as I was composing this I got an email from him....

Hope you're doing well and you're looking forward to your birthday tomorrow.

I am not going to sit and overanalyze it. Yup, I am doing well. Yes, I am looking forward to my birthday. That is all on that subject. ] 

I think what may have gotten me is this: I was at dinner with my cousin & his wife, for her birthday. They're older, in their mid-30's. My aunt asked A what her favorite birthday has been and she shared that since her and T started dating, her birthdays have been better since she's had someone to celebrate with. She also said she wouldn't re-live her 20's for anything {so i've heard from a lot my older friends].

It's my first birthday as a single girl! I can already hear it....

all the single ladies

all the single ladies

put your hands up

...cause if you like it then you shoula put a ring on it

lmz

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Infidelity. Cheating. Unfaithfulness. Call it what it is, because it is what it is. But lately I've been thinking: once a cheater, always a cheater?

I'll put myself out here and say that I've been in my fair share of relationships. I'll be completely honest and say I've been unfaithful in a relationship. I am wracking my brain to think if it was more than one relationship, but as I'm seeing, I'm thinking it's just the one. Everyone can define it differently; whether it's making-out with someone, sharing an emotional connection or having a full on all night sex session. I have good friends whose relationships (and marriages) have ended because of it. I've had friends who have been dating guys you would *never* see as a cheater, but that one drunken make-out sesh on spring break in Florida sure did end it all. Now that I think about it, the majority of my close group of friends have been cheated on or dumped and then the guys are in a new relationship within a few short days (sketchy). I'm pretty sure the reason I didn't fight for my relationship is because I figured this other dude would be right there waiting (false).

I'd like to think there's some sort of redemption. Okay, so I've cheated, but the relationship was doomed, anyway, right? It was going to end it wast just a matter of when. Excuses. Justification. So does it mean that since I've cheated, I'm always a cheater? Sure my younger years got the best of me. But I've learned from my mistakes. So although I feel I should be pardoned for my mistake(s), I think that someone makes a conscious decision to do such things. Personally, I think if you're being unfaithful, there's a reason. Whether it's the idea of the chase, not being attracted anymore, a love-less marriage, the thought of being with another person (because nowadays us gals have to worry about our guy leavin' for a dude! Or a chick with big man arms), there's a reason.

When you're dating and the "ex-files" are opened, should you be honest? And if they can't accept that, too bad? {I've always been and always will be honest. I'm not proud but, as much as I hate this saying, it is what it is.The past can't be changed. The future is what matters} I think of the situations turned: I'm dating someone that I'm really into and they tell me they've been unfaithful. Does that mean I'm going to trust them less? What if they never told me and I gave the same amount of trust as I give everyone?

Let's just say, the bottom line is that I hope that I find myself in a loving, trusting relationship down the road. Regardless of the past, I hope I can extend the same amount of trust to someone as I'd like them to extend to me.

lmz

& this is not to say
they'll never come  a day
I take my chances and start again
but when I look behind
on all my younger times
I'll have to thank the wrongs
that led me to a love so strong
perfectly lonely //john mayer\\

Resisting Temptation

I decided I'm sick of being fat. {Okay I know I'm not "fat" but I'm just not happy with myself.}

I want to be in better shape.

I want to quit smoking. (haven't had one since Sunday)

I want to run (another) 5k, a half marathon, and maybe someday a whole dang marathon!

I was sick of thinking, making excuses and saying, well starting tomorrow I'll work out, starting tomorrow I'll quit smoking. I wasn't going to blog about it because then if I fail or just don't do it, then I've set myself up for success, only to fail.

let's just say: it's thursday. So far = so good! I've been keeping a daily food log and counting my calorie intake.

[The only 'naughty' thing I did was have a chocolate bar (half of a mini one) the other day. But a girl needs chocolate!]

I went for a nice long roller blade session on Tuesday night. It's been *so* hot out that I can barely muster up the energy to put clothes on and go to work let alone work out, outside nonetheless.

For my birthday: buying a gym membership in the area (options include: Anytime Fitness, YWCA St. Paul, Statera Fitness or LA Fitness) & yoga package at Corepower Yoga.

The purpose of this afternoon's blog is to share that I have resisted tempation in two ways today.

1. Better than sex cake in the cafeteria...

I could devour this in a second. Staring at it makes my mouth water. But not water enough to not eat ANYTHING ELSE the rest of the day. Or week for that matter.

2. $2 ANY SIZE cold drink at Caribou

Got back to my desk after saying "NO" to the cake and had a coupon for any size cooler for $2. We all know I love the 'bou. And I love their coolers.

So here I am. At my desk. Drinking my 1 guilty pleasure (diet coke) and chewing bubblemint gum. Oh I do have to share I had a chocolate chip/cherry muffin for breakfast. With my banana and oatmeal.

*disclaimer, going out of town this weekend to see Mr. Mayer (aka myfuturehusband/dreamboat/ILOVETHISMAN) IN Illinois. I will not be counting for Saturday/Sunday. I think that's OK.

go me :)

lmz

Note to Self

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life." -he's just not that into you

Attention! Stop! Leah Michele!

Read and repeat the above line. STOP making excuses for him. We've already gone over how I've given "him" {aka CH} the boot and how I have no patience. So, given all of these things, I've still caved and emailed or called or texted or seen him over the past 2 or whatever weeks it's been.

Friday night I went out to Barrio and Bulldog {lowertown} with some girls from work for a girls night. I love going out with these girls because they've got 8-10 years on me and have so much advice to offer on various topics - dating, work, life, etc. One gal specifically, let's call her T, and I were exchanging dating stories. T is beautiful - probably 6' tall, blonde, tan, great job and just an overall great girl. She's got a little boy who's around 6 and she's a great mom. She explained to me how she's dating 3 different guys right now and how she just got rid of one [funny thing is he has the same name is mine. Had to double check and make sure it wasn't the same guy, thankfully it wasn't]. 

  She went on to tell me that she was in a dating limbo with this guy for 7 months. I explained to her my whole situation - the "circle of CH", the going back and forth, dating for months before even going to his house, etc... and she said it was the exact same thing with her guy! So she said just the day before she dumped him for good. She told me, there will be SOMETHING that will just make you quit, for good. And then you'll realize there are so many other great guys out there, and you'll be okay. It was so refreshing to hear that from a smart girl who has been there before.

I've had my ah-ha moment... the one where I realized I was having literally anxiety attacks over THIS GUY, who didn't want to hang out with me because:

a) his toe hurt and he had to soak it

b) he had to work his 2nd job (til 7pm)

c) he doesn't want to drive 10 miles to my apartment

(all excuses I've gotten in the past two weeks from him, btw)

I've done like Carrie on Sex and the City (the movie), where Carrie sends all of Big's e-mail to a secret folder where she can't read it. I've sent all of CH's emails to my junk mail and I don't wanna see them.

I want him to disappear. I don't want to feel that way over someone that isn't even my boyfriend! I don't want those crazies over some douche bag that will not even respond to a damn text message.

Today was fine - I was so busy at work I had no time whatsoever to really think about overthinking the whole situation.

I'm worried about the coming days but whenever I think about emailing/texting/calling him, I'm repulsed. And kind of want to vomit a little in my mouth. Nice image, I know. But hey, if it works....

lmz.

this time baby, I'll be bulletproof.

{to do}

**this is from my secret blog with my girlies, lyss, megs and carrie, but I wanted to share on here!**
I've decided to start a little list, a bucket list, if you will.
Some are long term, others are short term.
& I'll keep adding

See The Lion King on Broadway.

Go to New York (never been)

Spend a lot of time watching Shark Week 2010.

eat more chocolate cake.

eat less meat.

spend more time in the sun [with sunscreen]

Fall crazy in {forever} love with a sweet man.

**But don't just fall in love to fall in love. Real love**

Wear hot pink shoes to my wedding. Or maybe have hot pink fingernails.

Spend less time worrying.

Dance.

Go to Chicago!

Continue with no pop or coffee (it's been HELL, btw)

Smile. ---> Every. Single. Day.

Go to Marketfest a few times Summer 2010.

Be the best friend I can be to my g.i.r.l.s.

go to California.

Have a wonderful birthday, pedicures and cake included.

Continue to re-mix songs with Ella.

Rollerblade.

Don't settle.

Save more money.

Buy more shoes.

Go to the cabin.

Pray.

Finish out my class STRONG.

Meaning: knock out this final paper and those 18 journals in the next 17 days.

Earn a good great grade in said class.

Prepare for two {2} classes this fall... math & promotional communications.

Be a sister, not a *mom* to my brothers.

be a mom to my cat(s)

The trouble with dating is...

plans! Or lack thereof. I am a "plans" kind of girl. I like to have a schedule and know what I am doing. So this whole "let's schedule a date" business throws me off. I want to know when! Throw me a bone! **New prospect, let's call him... R2P. Ok that's kind of a weird name but since I don't know him all that well I don't have a good undercover name for him! Let's just say, he's cute and funny and pretty nice so far. I decided to be bold and tell him when I am available for our date (after he told me he'd email me to set something up Wednesday and I never got an email)! So upon consult with my BFF, we concluded I could email him*** and just explain that I like plans! Well, I didn't scare him away with my approaching him! Bottom line is I've scored a tentative date for tomorrow night! [I say tentative because I always get let down so I've decided not to trust that it will occur until it actually is happening]

***now I realize the great single gal would just ho hum and bum around til he emailed for a date *but* I:
a) do not have patience (ya ya ya it's a damn virtue, I know this.)
b) am not too great at the dating game
c) think that we had a great connection when we ran into each other at the lake earlier this week! 

So I decided to be bold and just do it! And he even said he gives me points for that. Woo.

there are many other troubles with dating that they each deserve their own post!

With some good red wine

And my brand new shoes

Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room

Take a chance on love, and try how it feels

With my heart wide open

Yeah, you know I will

Find what it means to be the girl

Who changed her mind

And changed the world
*settlin', sugarland

a girl can always relate to Britney lyrics.

Confidence is a must

Cockiness is a plus

Edginess is a rush

Edges, I like 'em rough

A man with a Midas touch

Intoxicate me, I'm a lush

Stop you're making me blush

People are looking at us

*britney spears, radar

love like crazy*

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You

Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since

Never let your prayin' knees get lazy

And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady

Never get to old to call her baby

Never let your prayin knees get lazy

And love like crazy

there's something about country music that i love. it's simple, and it speaks the truth. this song is one of my favorites by Lee Brice, called Love Like Crazy [check it out here]. i believe that everything in life should be done to it's fullest. go big or go home! this is probably why i fall so hard and have such a hard time picking myself up again. but i always learn my lesson and i do pick myself up and get going again.

~leah

10 biggest turn-offs for women...

According to The Campus Socialite, these are the 10 biggest turn-offs for women. I'd have to say, *in general* I agree and I know that my future husband will be a great mix of... uh.. not?.. these things? Yes.  

1. Guys who are too serious  
2. Guys who are too into themselves  
3. Cheapness 
4. Insecurity  
5. Bad Grammar/Spelling  
6. Back Hair  
7. Clingy Guys  
8. Bad Breath  
9. Cigarette Smoking  
10. Bad Kissers

I would say, based on the above list, my BIGGEST is #5, bad grammar. I'm no grammer queen BUT let's figure out you're/your, there/their/they're... And also cheapness. If I am on a date with you I don't want to would rather not hear about how paying $4 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous.

just another day in the dating world... =)

 

 

 

The sun will come out... tomorrow....

Look out your window, my sunshine's all around. All you have to do is just surrender.

Open up your eyes, don't you know you're just wasting time?

If that's the way you want it, well there you go.

-A.Simps.

I guess I'll just never understand, how if you want something, you *won't* go after it. I've always been the kind of girl to fight for something I want, whether it was an extra hour out when I was living at home as a teenager or more work to do at work. I'm always the kind of person to try hard for things I want and for the people I love. I guess I can understand that there are people who may like someone and think they're "wonderful & beautiful" but think that pursuing them any more than they are will just be come "too intense" or will "limit them from other people". With all that said, I know what who I am talking about, I hope that he finds happiness in his life, and I hope that one day he is able to open up to others about his feelings. I hope that he can be honest with himself and others. I hope that he doesn't have regrets for not going after what he wanted. Or maybe, he didn't want it at all and was too afraid of hurting me to say it? Well.. actions do speak louder than words. Always.
::L

beautiful mess.

You've got the best of both worlds

You're the kind of girl who can take down a man

And lift him back up again

You are strong but you're needy,

Humble but you're greedy

And based on your body language,

And shoddy cursive I've been reading

Your style is quite selective,

though your mind is rather reckless

Well I guess it just suggests

that this is just what happiness is


Hey, what a beautiful mess this is

It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write

Kind of turn themselves into knives

And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction

But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear

'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice

Your comebacks they're quick

And probably have to do with your insecurities

There's no shame in being crazy

Depending on how you take these

Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say

Kind of turn themselves into blades

And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard

But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt

Cause here, here we are, Here we are

What a beautiful mess, this is

It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth




And tides they turn and hearts disfigure

But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts

But it's nice today.

Oh the wait was so worth it.

*j.mraz

simple joys.

                   caribou cold press + white chocolate.

new peep toe pumps

a simple email from someone special.
sunshine.

                                                    diet coke.

licorice.

                                   country music.
                          michael buble, "moondance"
wedding plans for miss alyss.
                                      jack the cat. ((meow))
                                                                            coffee dates.
                                   shopping.
      smiles. 
                            h o p e --> for: the future. friends. l.o.v.e.
           monday. a *great* monday.
                                                                  finding inspiration in unlikely places.
               grandma.
                                                                   ::peace::

storyofmylife

Honestly, being single is great. [Being in a relationship has it perks as well] As of late I've really enjoyed my "me" time. Of course, someday, Mr. Perfect will come along and sweep me off my pretty & pedicured, peep-toe pump wearing feet.

Until then, I enjoy my time with myself. I love coming home to a big empty [except jack of course] apartment, taking off all my clothes and walk around in my underwear while I read my mail and think of what to have for dinner. Then I usually put on my work out clothes and head down to Anytime or go for a walk or jog. I don't have to worry about arranging my schedule for someone else, other than my best friends.

Of course we're aware my <3 for John Mayer. His newest CD, Battle Studies, is all about heartbreak and breakups. So perfect. In fact there's a song called "perfectly lonely" and that, my friends, is my theme song. I'll share with you...

Had a little love, but I spread it thin

Falling in her arms and out again

Made a bad name for my game 'round town

Tore out my heart, shut it down

Nothing to do, nowhere to be

A simple little kind of free

Nothing to do, no one but me

And that's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

I see my friends around from time to time

When their ladies let 'em slip away

And when they ask me how I'm doin' with mine

This is always what I say

Nothing to do, nowhere to be

A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be

Is it really hard to see why

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say there never comes a day

I'll take my chances and start again

And when I look behind on all my younger times

I'll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, and nobody belongs to me

Oh Mr. Mayer. You make my heart happy.