follow-up: after thoughts of dead fish guy & real date #1 with lunch guy from saturday is tonight.

Dead fish guy inspired this post. I liked his profile when I read it, minus the obscene amount of photos of him with dead fish. But, I overlooked that. We met up at an Irish bar just on the edge of downtown Saint Paul.

Let me step back and give a little background of DFG. He is from a town about 30 miles outside of the city. He works in construction. He's a total "guy's guy", from what I could tell. Definitely could fall under the "hick" category.

Now, I am more of the city-girl type, and I have no shame in this. BUT I really liked his profile and I sent HIM a message. After exchanging a few emails we decided to get together. I was going to squeeze him in last weekend, but I didn't. So, fast forward and we grabbed dinner on Tuesday night. This turned into drinks after dinner at a neighboring bar. It was a blast, we had a great time, and great conversation and we really connected. He drove me home and dropped me off. There was no awkward kissing moment, thankfully. Surpringsly, I would say this was the best of the 3 I've been on in the past 5 days!

But now it's 5pm the next day I haven't heard from him. So now I am kind of overthinking it - was I too sassy? I was pretty dressy for a Tuesday in a dress, tights and heels but I came right from work! He, on the other hand, was wearing carpenter jeans & work boots.

I asked my good friend Ben and he said that contacting someone after a date in under 24 hours seems desperate and over 48 hours, he is not interested. SO, the two day rule? I think it's dumb, but whatevs.

Tonight I am going to the Science Museum of MN for their first Social Science event. It's a 21+ event featuring alcoholic beverages and appetizers along with things like human pictionary and photo booth. Fun?

I'm nervous, he is a very nice and sweet guy and we had good conversation. He also likes good beer (i.e. not Bud Light) but kind is of awkward. On a side note, I think he has a tick. He kind of scratches his head whenever he gets nervous. And I think he might be a virgin. We had a very awkward hug after lunch. The good news is that he is definitely over 6' so I can wear heels tonight with my jeans. I've let my Twitter friends know to pretend I don't exist as the *last* thing I need is for him to find my Twitter account... and this blog.


Until next time.



Leah

3 dates in one weekend?

Confession: I enjoy dating.

I'm always up for being set up. I have a profile on a couple different online sites. I live my life just like normal but if someone offers to set me up with someone, I'm all in. If anything, I either get a great story out of it or a new friend. It is always fun. I'm very social and I love meeting new people.

That said, as of late I've kicked up my online dating. I've had a few trusted friends read my profile and offer advice. I updated photos, edited my profile and took some initiative to send some messages.

I've got three (3) prospects at the moment and hope to get an initial meeting set up soon.

I don't get nervous until about 30 minutes before we meet. It's at the moment I'm getting ready to leave my apartment that I question what in the HELL I am doing. Going to meet a stranger with hopes they LIKE me, or something? That's when I call or text my best friend and she gives me a confidence boost and pushes me to go.

So, the prospects.

I've exchanged quite a few emails with "the fish guy" (inspiration for the last post). Even with his half-assed grammar and photos with 40 dead fish, I'm still going to meet him. Why? I have nothing to lose. He seems genuine and hard working, he's tall and cute. I have to call him tonight to set something up for Saturday. I'm thinking mid-day coffee. Although, something about the dead fish doesn't scream "coffee guy" to me. Maybe we'll go to Applebee's.

We've got an actor/comedian turned corporate guy. That sounds fun. I'm curious about how someone majors in theater in college then works in the corporate world. He has challenged me  to a hair competition. He said in a message that it seems like I have nice hair (LOL) and he's always been told HE has great hair. It's not long or anything, just normal, short McDreamy-ish hair. I have to say, I do have great hair. Only because of my salon and the amazing products I use. I'm positive I'll win. But I digress.

Finally, we've got the suburban living, Minnesota Twins-loving IT guy. I've only exchanged 2 emails with him but he seems like he has it together. He's got a big boy job and a house, and is right in my ideal age range at 25. I was drawn to his profile because of the MN Twins hat he was wearing. I clearly said that in the message (because I'm taking initiative). *Update: we've exchanged a few more emails I'm not impressed with the grammar... ex: "I haven't been to a Wild game yet neither". Also he gave me his cell number and said to text him. I also won't do this because that sets things up to be weird, and it is a whole other post... "why you shouldn't text someone before you meet them".

I've decided to try to squeeze all three in this weekend because, well, why not. I have nothing to lose.

I've got a busy weekend ahead, because in addition to this, I'm going with a couple friends to the Minnesota Beard Off at the Turf Club in St. Paul.

Until next time!

L

...but I never asked.

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet

And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man

We're all entitled to 'em

But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast
I hate to break it to you babe

But I'm not drowning

There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to

Jump up on board with you

Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps

With my name on them in all caps

You got the talkin' down just not the listening

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Who cares if you disagree

You are not me

Who made you king of anything

So you dare tell me who to be

Who died

And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe...

 



30 days of truth, day 4

Once a week I'll answer the proposed question or statement truthfully for 30 weeks.


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I have to forgive a couple people.

First, my father, for ditching my mom even before I was born. For not being in my life and, to this day, not wanting to. I forgive him because, well why would anyone want to ruin a perfectly good thing (their life) with a mistake (me). *sarcasm* Anyway, for a long time I held it against him and thought the fact he didn't want to be in my life was because of me but I've since realized that's far from the truth.

I forgive my mother, for not being all she can be. She thinks she's a "disappointment" to me, but that's false. I forgive her for the times she called me a bitch and told me she hated me, thus driving me out of her home. Anyway, I forgive her for those things because, deep down inside, she loves me and cares about me.

Well that was intense!

Day 3 // 30 days of truth

Once a week I'll answer the proposed question or statement truthfully for 30 weeks.


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

My friend miss Meagan is now doing this and I think it's great because I think it'll great self exploration. Meg, I agree, 30 weeks is a long time. I may just randomly do some if I feel so inclined. Looking forward to your daily post.

I have to forgive myself for not being "where I want to be". At the age of 23, a lot (most) of my friends are done with college and onto their "real life things". I am not quite there. Yes, I have a "real life" and a great job but I always beat myself up about not graduating from St. Kate's yet. I think I should never have dropped out in fall of 2006 and enrolled at a community college. I get upset when I realize I won't be done with school until 2012 or maybe even 2013. I get so upset that I want to quit. And I have to forgive myself for making the mistakes I made in the past because, in reality, I know they've only made me stronger and brought me where I am today.



30 days of truth // day 2

Once a week I'll answer the proposed question or statement truthfully for 30 weeks.
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself


Alright, this shouldn't be *too* difficult... something I love about myself is the ability I have to care for others. I put others before myself and genuinely care for their feelings. I'm very open and accepting to everyone, all of my friends and family, and truly want the best for everything. I will go above and beyond for my friends and family, and I think that's a great trait.

Dear Corey:

image from wehearit.com

Why must you continue to taunt me? You don't want to date me. You're clearly not interested in me. Don't email me. Maybe I should be stronger and not respond to your emails. Maybe I shouldn't initiate and email here and there. I clearly know you're bad news, seeing as how you've strung me along for all these months. Don't call me on my birthday (two times). Don't tell me you're going on a date tonight, because I really don't want to know. And don't tell me that you're not replacing me yet.


  





I'm a Crocus Hill kind of girl....



I don't know what to do, I mean I know we'll never be together. You're obsessed with crappy suburban towns, "little boxes on the hillside", strip malls, saving money, not going out and having a dry sense of humor. I like the city, and the country, but not a weird combination of the two, old buildings, not having a car, buying Coach purses and $8-per bottle nail polish. I like spending money to get my hair cut and colored versus your idea of just letting it grow until it's unmanageable and disgusting.



...not a little boxes kind of girl.




It's just blatant that nothing would transpire long-term between us. For some reason, I'm still drawn to you. Is it because you're kind of ass? Because you front SO hard, like you're just this heartless man, but I know deep down inside, and you have shown this side to me, that you're sweet and caring.  

  

But what I ask is that you please, just stop contacting me. And if I fall of the train and contact you, don't respond. Don't feed the fire. Because, for some reason, no matter what you do, how much you tell me nothing will happen, we'll never go anywhere, you add little tricks in there and tell me how beautiful, smart, amazing, funny, cute, sweet, sexy, awesome I am and bring me right back to square 1.

Sincerely,


Leah



Learning through others

Not only do I like to blog and write about my own dating experiences, but I like writing about other people's as well. Today, as this situation was happening in real-life, I was thinking to myself and recollecting on my own past experiences.



One of the reason I love having such a great group of girlfriends is being able to listen to them and converse with them about their own relationships. As women, we tend to spend time over analyzing a lot of different things regarding relationships. I learn different things from everyone in my life, and I always try to relate that back my own life. Within the past few months, one of my best girlfriends has been quite the busy dating girl. She, at one point, literally had a date every night. Sometimes two in one day. This is what us girls do when we're online dating, and people set us up, and we met cute boys. We go out for coffee to see how we connect.



She had narrowed it down to two guys: R2 & JD. Being very close with her, she has very willingly shared her feelings about each guy. She had been dating R2 for quite bit longer than JD. JD came along and it hit her, like WHAM. You know that feeling? That, WOW you are smoking hot, but also happen to be amazing from what I can tell from the first few dates kind of feeling? My friend had been leaning more towards JD for whatever reason. From what she had told me, she did really like both but when it came down to it, she was more into JD. She made the decision to let R2 know that she just didn't see it going anywhere. Before she had a chance to do this, R2 decided to be ballsy and ask her how she was feeling, he expressed some pretty deep feelings saying he was really into her, he thinks she's amazing and many other nice things.

My friend was thrown off by his email as she wasn't quite expecting that from him. I believe this made her question if she really wanted to let him go. I think her ultimate decision would have been that, bottom line, she didn't feel the 'spark' there like she wanted and although R2 is a really awesome guy, she wasn't going to settle for that just to settle and have a boyfriend. In the midst of her surprise to his e-mail, she got busy, as us girls do. She didn't respond and the next day (24 hours, like clockwork) he sent a follow-up email to which my sweet dear friend called me at work to share with me. She said she felt pressured and that definitely solidified the fact she was going to let him know it wasn't in their best interest to continue dating.



sometimes I just want to squeeze my girlies!



What I see here is that R2 definitely took on the role of the "woman" in the dating game. Many times I've done the "where is this going to go" and never hear anything and follow-up with the person. I can see where I have probably scared a few away by my intensity. Being able to come from the outside-in, I can see my friend's POV and I can know that it's not that she didn't like R2, it's genuinely that she was surprised by his e-mail and probably wanted to spend more time thinking about it. In this situation though, R2 & J have been dating for a few months - I haven't quite made it that far with anyone other than Corey, and we all know how that ended. I love being able to learn through my friends. I love being able to see things they do and put that in my mental box to save for later, or, sometimes, not save! So here's to my friends, they keep me in touch with the dating world, bring me back to reality and I love them! I have the best friends a girl could ask for.

lmz.

Apparently I'm not long-term relationship material

I tried to keep quiet about it over the weekend but when I get really excited about things, I can't hold them in! I ended up having 2 dates with this guy, MT. I had sort of decided I was done dating all together and not making any effort on my online dating. I received a message on Friday and he seemed normal so I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee.

We met for coffee and that turned into going rollerskating with two of his friends! It was a blast! I was so refreshed that a nice, normal guy was around! He dropped me off, gave me a hug and said we'd chat soon. We ended up having a 2nd date on Sunday evening. Again, a great time! More relaxed, dinner, walk and a beer on a patio. We had great conversation and I thought there was a great spark there. We left it that we'd be in touch throughout the week but should go to karaoke on Thursday evening.

I refrained from texting on Monday (didn't want to be annoying. BTW, I hate dating rules) and he ended up texting me! We had a good text convo on Monday night. Tuesday I emailed him. I didn't hear back all day long but I wasn't too concerned since it was after Labor Day, most people are pretty busy. I was CRAZY busy at work that day!

Later in the day I got an e-mail response from him. He said he has spent a lot of time thinking about it and decided he wanted to "expand our friendship". He then proceeded to explain that our distance (30 miles) and the fact I didn't have a car (I'm a city cat!) has led him to this decision. He said he doesn't see a long-term relationship happening with me. He then said he wants me to be his city tour-guide in the future. (You can drive the 20 minutes to STP for me to show you around but you can't drive the 20 minutes to date me?)

It was towards the end of my work day when I got the email. Of course I had gushed to my co-workers about my amazing dates and how I was excited to "not screw this one up". Picture 3 women, hovering over my desk, reading my response, saying "just be friends! He'll fall in love with you!' and my best friend on the phone saying, "Leah! You're the rule! Not the exception! Tough cookies! If he doesn't like me now, he's not going to like you in 6 months!"

I ended up replying that it was fine, thanks for being honest, but if it's OK I'd like to take a couple days and think on it before I decide! Because, here I was, so excited and jazzed up for a nice, normal, TALL, cute, funny, CATHOLIC boy, right?! He texted and said that was fine and he wanted me to know that he thinks I'm really great, awesome, cute, etc. but the whole car thing just makes it seem easier to be friends.

I got to thinking about the whole, "I don't see myself in a long-term relationship" with you. And the last couple of guys I had more than 2 dates with told me the same thing!

Corey: We had our first couple dates in September 2009, got busy and stopped talking, then started again in January. I chose to date Luke (more below) instead after Corey told me he was emotionless & heartless. Corey and I ended up dating from mid-March to mid-August. One night Corey told me that he thinks I'm great, beautiful, smart, funny and amazing BUT... didn't see anything long-term because I am too emotional and I want to make my life in the city (versus he wants the suburbs)

Luke: We dated from late January 2010 through early March 2010. It was good! I was really happy, we were really happy. Out of the blue one night he said he that he was breaking up with me because he couldn't give me what I needed: I needed too much affirmation (he wasn't one to give compliments) and he didn't see anything long-term.

So looking at the track record, I begin to question myself. Apparently I'm not LTR material. But I'm also not short-term relationship material? Or are they saying that because I'm not LTR material, why waste time with a STR?

I suppose I can see where they're coming from. I actually told another guy I spent some time with that I didn't see it going anywhere. Which was 100% true, we didn't really have that much in common and I just didn't get that "spark". I do give MT and Luke props for not dragging it out like Corey did, in the end making the hurt worse. Props to guys that can be real and honest. Thank you those guys that have enough guts to let a girl down gently versus being a complete ass about it. Here it's more of a sting; you get up, dust off, and try again. I fully intend to dust myself off and try again.

this is sort of irrelevant but good, nonetheless.

It's all about the lessons learned. 2010 has been quite the learning year for me. Through all of this I've learned so much about who I am and what I ultimately need in a relationship. For now I'm back to not actively pursuing dating and focusing on all of things I've got going on in my life!

Until next time,

LMZ

Don't let me go.

Maybe I am just being nostalgic or maybe I'm being emo. It's my birthday tomorrow...to me, a birthday, is a birthday. It's a day. I mean, yeah, I'm another year older, whoop de do. I guess it sort of hit me that I haven't had a boyfriend in a whole year. I've dated, and the most recent of that is obviously as we know, Corey. Corey's birthday was in May. I made him dinner and we went for a walk and watched a movie. To me, his birthday was quite meaningful. Actually, to both of us it was meaningful, and he did express to me. Corey and I are speaking terms, I even hung out with him like 2 weeks ago... and I won't even get an acknowledgement of the fact it's my birthday, and it hurts... is that wrong? [I obviously spoke too soon. a) my birthday isn't until tomorrow and b) as I was composing this I got an email from him....

Hope you're doing well and you're looking forward to your birthday tomorrow.

I am not going to sit and overanalyze it. Yup, I am doing well. Yes, I am looking forward to my birthday. That is all on that subject. ] 

I think what may have gotten me is this: I was at dinner with my cousin & his wife, for her birthday. They're older, in their mid-30's. My aunt asked A what her favorite birthday has been and she shared that since her and T started dating, her birthdays have been better since she's had someone to celebrate with. She also said she wouldn't re-live her 20's for anything {so i've heard from a lot my older friends].

It's my first birthday as a single girl! I can already hear it....

all the single ladies

all the single ladies

put your hands up

...cause if you like it then you shoula put a ring on it

lmz

Friday, friends!

Happy Friday, friends!

One of my favorite things is going to bed on Thursday knowing that when I wake up on Friday I am one day closer to the weekend! Minnesota Summer weekends are my favorite, especially when it's beautiful outside. There is so much to do and so many things to take advantage of.

My weekend plans consist of : laying low tonight and reading my new book (Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner); Minnesota State Fair tomorrow; Local Union 455 picnic on Sunday and dinner for my cousin's wife's birthday at It's Greek To Me in the beautiful Minneapolis. Busy weekend!

I thought this could be fun and I came across it at Krysten's Blog.

{I couldn't resist: a shirtless man, and a cat. c'mon!}

1. The most adventurous thing I've done is: I do a lot of adventurous things but I suppose most recently my friend Laura & I drove to IL to see John Mayer & on Sunday we spent the day downtown Chicago. I drove us into town, found us parking and got us out. It was kind of cool for a city girl!

2. If I were a pair of shoes I would be: I want to say a rockin' pair of heels however, heels are notorious for killing feet and, well, I'm not a murderer. I'd say flip flops! Comfy, never get old and usually cute.

3. My preferred mode of digital communication is: Texting, I like to text. I also enjoy an old fashioned phone conversation. Sometimes texts can become miscontrued and that's what the words hit the fan!

4. I feel happiest when: When I am content, when things are going my way and when I know what to expect.

5. A little dream I have for my life is: to do something out of the ordinary that no one would except, like become a cop or join the military.

6. The one modern convenience I could NOT do with out is: only one? my gosh... I'd say... Google. + access to Google from my blackberry. I use it daily.

7. Music, movies, TV or Books - if I could only choose one to enjoy I would pick: toss up between music and books. I'd say music, an iPod full of great music is a simple pleasure in life.

until next time,

lmz

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

Infidelity. Cheating. Unfaithfulness. Call it what it is, because it is what it is. But lately I've been thinking: once a cheater, always a cheater?

I'll put myself out here and say that I've been in my fair share of relationships. I'll be completely honest and say I've been unfaithful in a relationship. I am wracking my brain to think if it was more than one relationship, but as I'm seeing, I'm thinking it's just the one. Everyone can define it differently; whether it's making-out with someone, sharing an emotional connection or having a full on all night sex session. I have good friends whose relationships (and marriages) have ended because of it. I've had friends who have been dating guys you would *never* see as a cheater, but that one drunken make-out sesh on spring break in Florida sure did end it all. Now that I think about it, the majority of my close group of friends have been cheated on or dumped and then the guys are in a new relationship within a few short days (sketchy). I'm pretty sure the reason I didn't fight for my relationship is because I figured this other dude would be right there waiting (false).

I'd like to think there's some sort of redemption. Okay, so I've cheated, but the relationship was doomed, anyway, right? It was going to end it wast just a matter of when. Excuses. Justification. So does it mean that since I've cheated, I'm always a cheater? Sure my younger years got the best of me. But I've learned from my mistakes. So although I feel I should be pardoned for my mistake(s), I think that someone makes a conscious decision to do such things. Personally, I think if you're being unfaithful, there's a reason. Whether it's the idea of the chase, not being attracted anymore, a love-less marriage, the thought of being with another person (because nowadays us gals have to worry about our guy leavin' for a dude! Or a chick with big man arms), there's a reason.

When you're dating and the "ex-files" are opened, should you be honest? And if they can't accept that, too bad? {I've always been and always will be honest. I'm not proud but, as much as I hate this saying, it is what it is.The past can't be changed. The future is what matters} I think of the situations turned: I'm dating someone that I'm really into and they tell me they've been unfaithful. Does that mean I'm going to trust them less? What if they never told me and I gave the same amount of trust as I give everyone?

Let's just say, the bottom line is that I hope that I find myself in a loving, trusting relationship down the road. Regardless of the past, I hope I can extend the same amount of trust to someone as I'd like them to extend to me.

lmz

& this is not to say
they'll never come  a day
I take my chances and start again
but when I look behind
on all my younger times
I'll have to thank the wrongs
that led me to a love so strong
perfectly lonely //john mayer\\

"since you're over me now, can we be friends?"

I've been thinking lately about being friends with exes after the break up. In general, it's frowned upon. It seems like everywhere you go and whatever you do after a break up is consumed with the relationship: the [over] analyzing it, sad break up songs, missing them, wanting them back, getting back together, only to break up again. In general, I'm not friends after a break up. I've had the "it's not you, it's me, but I still want to be your friend" break up. I've had the messy break up that doesn't really end, and I've had the "we just don't have enough in common, but let's still be friends" break up. That's the most recent, actually. With CH. Although I call it a break up, we were never "official" (labels could be a whole other blog). We don't have enough in common to sustain a relationship, but we can create a friendship? We weren't even friends to begin with. So how can we be friends, after jumping into a 'dating' relationship? All of the these things. I think being friends with an ex has pros and cons.

I recently had to tell an ex (D) that I couldn't be in his life right now. This is one big relationship, and way back on my blog most posts are about our relationship. We had a rocky relationship, but it was good overall. He (and his family) has been pivotal in my life. When I told him, he cried. I was quite surprised. I've gone back and forth with him, we had a brief 'should we try this again' during the Fall of 2009. I thought it was all great until he told me he met someone and was going to date her. I was crushed. We didn't speak until they were on the rocks. They've since broken up and he's dating someone else (serial monogamous, much?). He's always the one that's told me you need to be single after a break up, "re discover" yourself and that crap. Everything pretty fine and dandy, he was casually dating her, I was casually dating CH, and we were spending time together. (We actually all hung out one time. That was awkward. This was also the first night CH brought me back to his place.)

Then he told me he's exclusive with the new girl. I was okay with it. I spent the weekend with his family at their cabin (I'm close to the family). That really solidified the fact I couldn't be friends with him. I thought I could, but hearing him be mushy gushy on the phone to her, wondering if he was texting her, all the while he's being affectionate with me? Not fair. He can't have his cake, and eat it too. When I told D that I couldn't spend time with him his automatic accusation was because I wasn't in a relationship. That is only a teeny bit true, but mostly I didn't (and don't) agree with his relationship. He just got out of a pretty intense relationship and it's not even over and he's dating someone else? Not to mention she's super sweet and hasn't been in a relationship. He's (I feel) using her as a pawn in his life for something I'm not quite sure of. They have different views on a couple major issues. It just doesn't seem right to me. So I've decided no, I can't have him around. 


Back to CH. I emailed him to let him know I was doing OK after his "we can't be together, I don't see myself with you, you're too emotional and moody" talk on Thursday [8-12-10, while I'm in excruciating pain the night before a root canal]. When he left I was crying and a bit of a mess (ugh).



Anyhow, he says, well, since you're over me, can we be friends now? I responded and told him, no. I didn't want to be his friend. Why would I be friends with someone that wasn't my friend before our dating experience? And the nail in the coffin? A few weeks ago I had a very stressful afternoon at work. I was even more stressed and upset when I got home only to be locked out of my apartment. I wanted to sit on my stoop, smoke a pack of Marb's and listen to sad music. I sent CH a text saying, "I had a really bad day. I need a hug. Come over after class?". Never responded. I'm sorry but if you're my friend and I tell you I'm stressed and upset, you respond with a simple text or a call. You can even Slydial me. The next day I inquired and he stated, "no big deal, just went out after class." So, no. If you can't come to rescue when I'm upset. I can't be your friend.

Even on TV - Carrie & Mr. Big; Ross & Rachel... they can't even remain friends. One always feels something for the other, and even though they have other relationships and marriages, they end up together. Is society drilling into our heads that once it's over, it's never really over?

 

I guess the bottom line is, if there's a history there, or still something going on, you can't be friends. This is just my opinion. If a relationship ends rough or not 'mutually' I almost don't see a point. I think it's individual discretion.

Until next time in single girl world,

LMZ.

Well the truth, well it hurts to say
I'm gonna pack up my bags and I'm gonna go away
I'm gonna split, I can't stand it

I'm gonna give it up and quit and aint never coming back
-jerrod niemann, lover lover

Resisting Temptation

I decided I'm sick of being fat. {Okay I know I'm not "fat" but I'm just not happy with myself.}

I want to be in better shape.

I want to quit smoking. (haven't had one since Sunday)

I want to run (another) 5k, a half marathon, and maybe someday a whole dang marathon!

I was sick of thinking, making excuses and saying, well starting tomorrow I'll work out, starting tomorrow I'll quit smoking. I wasn't going to blog about it because then if I fail or just don't do it, then I've set myself up for success, only to fail.

let's just say: it's thursday. So far = so good! I've been keeping a daily food log and counting my calorie intake.

[The only 'naughty' thing I did was have a chocolate bar (half of a mini one) the other day. But a girl needs chocolate!]

I went for a nice long roller blade session on Tuesday night. It's been *so* hot out that I can barely muster up the energy to put clothes on and go to work let alone work out, outside nonetheless.

For my birthday: buying a gym membership in the area (options include: Anytime Fitness, YWCA St. Paul, Statera Fitness or LA Fitness) & yoga package at Corepower Yoga.

The purpose of this afternoon's blog is to share that I have resisted tempation in two ways today.

1. Better than sex cake in the cafeteria...

I could devour this in a second. Staring at it makes my mouth water. But not water enough to not eat ANYTHING ELSE the rest of the day. Or week for that matter.

2. $2 ANY SIZE cold drink at Caribou

Got back to my desk after saying "NO" to the cake and had a coupon for any size cooler for $2. We all know I love the 'bou. And I love their coolers.

So here I am. At my desk. Drinking my 1 guilty pleasure (diet coke) and chewing bubblemint gum. Oh I do have to share I had a chocolate chip/cherry muffin for breakfast. With my banana and oatmeal.

*disclaimer, going out of town this weekend to see Mr. Mayer (aka myfuturehusband/dreamboat/ILOVETHISMAN) IN Illinois. I will not be counting for Saturday/Sunday. I think that's OK.

go me :)

lmz

I'm a lover, not a fighter

I'm sort of like a turtle. On the outside I have a hard shell, but I'm soft on the inside. I may appear to be tough and strong but really I'm vulnerable and weak. I know this about myself, however I still tend to put myself in situations where I am destined to be hurt. I also don't have patience so I don't like ''waiting for things to cool off'', which is probably why when I do 'fight' it's so intense - I can't just take time to myself and relax, I have to go, go, go at that moment.

So when my best friend starts personally attacking me for something that has *nothing* to do with me, I have a hard time not taking it personally. I will not get into specifics but I will just say I feel as though I've been emotionally beaten, for something I had no part of, whatsoever. I explained that I didn't want to get into the middle, that it's between her and my brother, but it kept coming. The worst part of having someone so close to you (i.e. a best friend) is that they know what to do and say to hurt you. However, the bottom line should be that they would not use these things against you.

This is why I need to remember to just never let anyone get close to me, for fear of being hurt. Okay, I know I can't do that. I'm just not sure what to do. I can't not take things personally.

I'm a city girl, and if you don't like it, get bent.

Alright that's kind of harsh but while suggesting dates to CH and throwing out going to Como Zoo and having a picnic, this is the response I get:

I'm fine hanging out in the city, I just mean that you're a city person. It is just clear. I don't know how to put it. You know how you can tell that some people just belong in one area? Like how you can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy? Well, you're just a city person.

Don't you just love how he says those things?

Well you know what, I am a city person. And I love the city. I think really I am a Saint Paul person. Saint Paul is beautiful, lakes, rivers... old buildings, beautiful parks, trails, paths, restaurants and bars. It's beautiful. There are so many different neighborhoods and each neighborhood has it's own feel and community. For example, I live in the Grand Avenue area which is full of young adults and young couples. After I get married I'd either stay in my area or head over the Cathedral Hill until I buy my house in Highland Park or Mac/Groveland, where I'd raise my children with my city-loving husband.

This is not say I don't enjoy going away to the cabin. I'd say I'm just not a 'suburb' girl. I don't want to live in a cookie cutter neighborhood exactly 15 miles outside of downtown.

I <3 you, Saint Paul.