Note to Self

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life." -he's just not that into you

Attention! Stop! Leah Michele!

Read and repeat the above line. STOP making excuses for him. We've already gone over how I've given "him" {aka CH} the boot and how I have no patience. So, given all of these things, I've still caved and emailed or called or texted or seen him over the past 2 or whatever weeks it's been.

Friday night I went out to Barrio and Bulldog {lowertown} with some girls from work for a girls night. I love going out with these girls because they've got 8-10 years on me and have so much advice to offer on various topics - dating, work, life, etc. One gal specifically, let's call her T, and I were exchanging dating stories. T is beautiful - probably 6' tall, blonde, tan, great job and just an overall great girl. She's got a little boy who's around 6 and she's a great mom. She explained to me how she's dating 3 different guys right now and how she just got rid of one [funny thing is he has the same name is mine. Had to double check and make sure it wasn't the same guy, thankfully it wasn't]. 

  She went on to tell me that she was in a dating limbo with this guy for 7 months. I explained to her my whole situation - the "circle of CH", the going back and forth, dating for months before even going to his house, etc... and she said it was the exact same thing with her guy! So she said just the day before she dumped him for good. She told me, there will be SOMETHING that will just make you quit, for good. And then you'll realize there are so many other great guys out there, and you'll be okay. It was so refreshing to hear that from a smart girl who has been there before.

I've had my ah-ha moment... the one where I realized I was having literally anxiety attacks over THIS GUY, who didn't want to hang out with me because:

a) his toe hurt and he had to soak it

b) he had to work his 2nd job (til 7pm)

c) he doesn't want to drive 10 miles to my apartment

(all excuses I've gotten in the past two weeks from him, btw)

I've done like Carrie on Sex and the City (the movie), where Carrie sends all of Big's e-mail to a secret folder where she can't read it. I've sent all of CH's emails to my junk mail and I don't wanna see them.

I want him to disappear. I don't want to feel that way over someone that isn't even my boyfriend! I don't want those crazies over some douche bag that will not even respond to a damn text message.

Today was fine - I was so busy at work I had no time whatsoever to really think about overthinking the whole situation.

I'm worried about the coming days but whenever I think about emailing/texting/calling him, I'm repulsed. And kind of want to vomit a little in my mouth. Nice image, I know. But hey, if it works....

lmz.

this time baby, I'll be bulletproof.

patience is a virtue.

...And it's a virtue I haven't quite mastered. I am working on but I have a problem with instant gratification and wanting things RIGHT away.

C.H. has made his way back into the picture {let's be honest. he never left. it's me. and it's him. did you not see the circle of CH? there's something bringing us back. and don't even get me started on all of the 'karma' things that have occured since I've known him. That's a whole different blog} and all I know is that the past week, specifically the last 2 times I've seen him, have been so great. He's so sweet and he's really making progress. (remember, he likes to take things slow). I went to his house for the first time. Last night he spent a good amount of time with my best friend and me. He met my brother. I think we're moving in a positive (albeit slow) direction.

It's hard for me to just slow. down. and enjoy the time we're spending together. All I want is to know "what's going to happen" "where is this going to go" and I spend my time overthinking the entire thing. And this is not what I want!

So starting right now, I am making a vow to myself to have patience. To be patient and let "this" work it's course. Because I like him. And he's cute. And sweet. And smart. And funny. And the more time I spend with him, the more I like him. And he has said the same thing.

because great things come to those who wait.

"patience is passion tamed" - Lyman Abbott

meow.

he's just *not* that into you.

"Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside." -He's Just Not That Into You, the book.

It's a simple concept. One that I tend to forget. If he likes you, he's going to call you. I watched HJNTY last night for a little refresher. Just a little ego boost to remind myself, in this world of dating and constant communication, I need to "check out", lay off, and chill out.

It's a tough world out there for a single girl!

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting." - Mary, He's Just Not That Into You (the movie)

Oh and another quote specific to Mr. CH (recently received "Das Boot" ) ... The one I kept making excuses for...

"He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life."

So far, so true.

what a doll

Last night I got to see my sweet little friend Molly! We went Bonfire & Cafe Latte. She's so sweet and I love her! I'll miss her when she goes to San Fran for, like, ever (okay like 18 days). Molly is so sweet and I'm so excited she's moved back to the TC (even though she's in MPLS). We're going to have a blast!

lmz

ps: notice how I'm not on my "good side"?

Das Boot

Ah, as delicious as that boot of beer looks (head here to get this bad boy in real life!), this blog is not about beer in a glass the shape of a boot. It's about giving the boot. I gave "the boot" to a certain someone today... {let's call him CH} Now, I've given CH "the boot"  many times, however, with CH it's a vicious circle. A circle that I take full blame for continuing.. and made into a chart. See exhibit A.

Exhibit A (ok I made a chart but I'm not techie enough to get it on here. It's cute - circles and arrows and all)

1. 
   
   Spend time with CH
2. 
   
   Realize my feelings for CH and become scared because they're not reciprocated or if they are they aren't acted upon.
3. 
   
   Tell CH that since he won't "man up" I can't see him anymore
4. 
   
   CH says something to the effect of, "his loss" or just change the subject. OR he'll do something sweet like come over or say something nice 
5. 
   
   Miss CH so email/call him to tell him that I want to see him again.. then it goes back to the beginning.

 So after yet another weekend of "tentative" plans, I decided that CH needed the boot. I sent an e-mail, it got kind of lengthy, and he (as most men) doesn't respond well to long e-mails so I followed up with a second email. Short and sweet. Unlike him. He's tall. And bitter. Hah! Anyways, second e-mail said something along the lines of, I can't see you anymore. I want a boyfriend and a relationship and that's just not happening here. I'm sure we can still be friends. Don't tell me that it's "your loss", cause we both that it is.

I can't even say how many times we've done this vicious circle since we started dating in March. Probably 5 -6 . How draining. So full of drama, and so unnecessary. Don't get me wrong, CH is actually really great. We get along really well  - from our first date in October, we hit it off. A lot in common (except he loves the suburbs, ick... I'm a city girl!) I'm actually really into him (less the drama) and we do have a great connection. But all of the good things unfortunately don't outweigh the bad. Part of the reason it's so hard to stick with dropping him is just that there's something that continues to draw me back,  He tells me things like "I like you soo much", "you're soo great", "I respect all you do for your family and your brothers" and then says things like "I won't date you cause you say what's on your mind and it makes me nervous", "I won't let us hang out at my house cause I think you'll never leave", "I wish it were 2 years down the road and you were a little older, a little more mature and a little more advanced in your career". So, given all of these things, I decided it was time.

And I'm interpreting his silence as tacit compliance. :)

 

until next time:

lmz

I don't know where it is, but something's gotta give.

Something's gotta give me butterflies

Something's gotta make me feel alive

Something's gotta give me dreams at night

Something's gotta make me feel alright

I don't know where it is

But something's gotta give

-Lee Ann Rimes


Happy Friday! I never thought it would arrive, but... it's here. Busy weekend ahead...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tgf7MpQ0c4

{to do}

**this is from my secret blog with my girlies, lyss, megs and carrie, but I wanted to share on here!**
I've decided to start a little list, a bucket list, if you will.
Some are long term, others are short term.
& I'll keep adding

See The Lion King on Broadway.

Go to New York (never been)

Spend a lot of time watching Shark Week 2010.

eat more chocolate cake.

eat less meat.

spend more time in the sun [with sunscreen]

Fall crazy in {forever} love with a sweet man.

**But don't just fall in love to fall in love. Real love**

Wear hot pink shoes to my wedding. Or maybe have hot pink fingernails.

Spend less time worrying.

Dance.

Go to Chicago!

Continue with no pop or coffee (it's been HELL, btw)

Smile. ---> Every. Single. Day.

Go to Marketfest a few times Summer 2010.

Be the best friend I can be to my g.i.r.l.s.

go to California.

Have a wonderful birthday, pedicures and cake included.

Continue to re-mix songs with Ella.

Rollerblade.

Don't settle.

Save more money.

Buy more shoes.

Go to the cabin.

Pray.

Finish out my class STRONG.

Meaning: knock out this final paper and those 18 journals in the next 17 days.

Earn a good great grade in said class.

Prepare for two {2} classes this fall... math & promotional communications.

Be a sister, not a *mom* to my brothers.

be a mom to my cat(s)

Success!

I talked about my date with R2P in my last post and just an update: It was successful! We had a couple drinks and chatted for a bit. He's nice guy and we have a lot in common. And he told me he'd like to go out with me again. We exchanged a couple text messages over the weekend and he says he'll be taking me out again - he's out of town for work and then out of town this weekend! So that is exciting. Anddd as much as I want to scream because I am so excited, I am just going to be *normal* which is.. rare for me!

So here goes nothing... going to just relax, focus on my hectic life and be excited for another date!

PS: Day #4 for me of vegetarian diet. So far so good. I did cave and have a few bites of some calico beans my co-worker brought today but I requested her to bring them! But that is fine! Also - no soda since last week! Woop!

The trouble with dating is...

plans! Or lack thereof. I am a "plans" kind of girl. I like to have a schedule and know what I am doing. So this whole "let's schedule a date" business throws me off. I want to know when! Throw me a bone! **New prospect, let's call him... R2P. Ok that's kind of a weird name but since I don't know him all that well I don't have a good undercover name for him! Let's just say, he's cute and funny and pretty nice so far. I decided to be bold and tell him when I am available for our date (after he told me he'd email me to set something up Wednesday and I never got an email)! So upon consult with my BFF, we concluded I could email him*** and just explain that I like plans! Well, I didn't scare him away with my approaching him! Bottom line is I've scored a tentative date for tomorrow night! [I say tentative because I always get let down so I've decided not to trust that it will occur until it actually is happening]

***now I realize the great single gal would just ho hum and bum around til he emailed for a date *but* I:
a) do not have patience (ya ya ya it's a damn virtue, I know this.)
b) am not too great at the dating game
c) think that we had a great connection when we ran into each other at the lake earlier this week! 

So I decided to be bold and just do it! And he even said he gives me points for that. Woo.

there are many other troubles with dating that they each deserve their own post!

With some good red wine

And my brand new shoes

Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room

Take a chance on love, and try how it feels

With my heart wide open

Yeah, you know I will

Find what it means to be the girl

Who changed her mind

And changed the world
*settlin', sugarland

a girl can always relate to Britney lyrics.

Confidence is a must

Cockiness is a plus

Edginess is a rush

Edges, I like 'em rough

A man with a Midas touch

Intoxicate me, I'm a lush

Stop you're making me blush

People are looking at us

*britney spears, radar

love like crazy*

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You

Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since

Never let your prayin' knees get lazy

And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady

Never get to old to call her baby

Never let your prayin knees get lazy

And love like crazy

there's something about country music that i love. it's simple, and it speaks the truth. this song is one of my favorites by Lee Brice, called Love Like Crazy [check it out here]. i believe that everything in life should be done to it's fullest. go big or go home! this is probably why i fall so hard and have such a hard time picking myself up again. but i always learn my lesson and i do pick myself up and get going again.

~leah

pedicures & blogs.

I have a couple blogs I follow, one of them being Blonde Monde, and I found this on an older post of theirs. I thought it was cute and wanted to share.

Everyone can use a friday afternoon giggle.

Weekend plans: homework. sweat pants. homework. dance recital. pedicure [i am thinking hot pink toes, yes?]. homework. church. class.

missing Grand Old Day because of school. bum-mer

Mayyyybe if I didn't wait until.... 2 days before my *10 journals* are due for class, I wouldn't be so stressed about them, eh? Of course not.

oh, my other blog that I <3?

http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/all-the-single-ladies/

simply, ah-may-zingggg. & hilarious.

Also: Miss Alyss -  We need you back in blogging world. How about - marriage/life? You know we'll need your marriage and wifely advice.

until next time - lmz

take me down to the little white church

What a beautiful wedding! We had *so* much fun. Can't wait for the next one.

::L

10 biggest turn-offs for women...

According to The Campus Socialite, these are the 10 biggest turn-offs for women. I'd have to say, *in general* I agree and I know that my future husband will be a great mix of... uh.. not?.. these things? Yes.  

1. Guys who are too serious  
2. Guys who are too into themselves  
3. Cheapness 
4. Insecurity  
5. Bad Grammar/Spelling  
6. Back Hair  
7. Clingy Guys  
8. Bad Breath  
9. Cigarette Smoking  
10. Bad Kissers

I would say, based on the above list, my BIGGEST is #5, bad grammar. I'm no grammer queen BUT let's figure out you're/your, there/their/they're... And also cheapness. If I am on a date with you I don't want to would rather not hear about how paying $4 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous.

just another day in the dating world... =)

 

 

 

I'll pray for you.

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill

I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the head like I’d like to

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls

I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls

I pray all your dreams never come true

Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your car

I pray for you

disclaimer: this happens to be a catchy tune that I like to sing out loud. I don't really pray for these things to happen to *you*; rather, I hope you find guidance in your life and maybe [just maybe] you feel a teeny bit sad. & maybe I'd like to shake you a little bit and ask "what the heck is going on inside of you?!?!"

:: image from weheartit.com ::

Cool =)



from wordle.net

The sun will come out... tomorrow....

Look out your window, my sunshine's all around. All you have to do is just surrender.

Open up your eyes, don't you know you're just wasting time?

If that's the way you want it, well there you go.

-A.Simps.

I guess I'll just never understand, how if you want something, you *won't* go after it. I've always been the kind of girl to fight for something I want, whether it was an extra hour out when I was living at home as a teenager or more work to do at work. I'm always the kind of person to try hard for things I want and for the people I love. I guess I can understand that there are people who may like someone and think they're "wonderful & beautiful" but think that pursuing them any more than they are will just be come "too intense" or will "limit them from other people". With all that said, I know what who I am talking about, I hope that he finds happiness in his life, and I hope that one day he is able to open up to others about his feelings. I hope that he can be honest with himself and others. I hope that he doesn't have regrets for not going after what he wanted. Or maybe, he didn't want it at all and was too afraid of hurting me to say it? Well.. actions do speak louder than words. Always.
::L

beautiful mess.

You've got the best of both worlds

You're the kind of girl who can take down a man

And lift him back up again

You are strong but you're needy,

Humble but you're greedy

And based on your body language,

And shoddy cursive I've been reading

Your style is quite selective,

though your mind is rather reckless

Well I guess it just suggests

that this is just what happiness is


Hey, what a beautiful mess this is

It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write

Kind of turn themselves into knives

And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction

But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear

'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice

Your comebacks they're quick

And probably have to do with your insecurities

There's no shame in being crazy

Depending on how you take these

Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say

Kind of turn themselves into blades

And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard

But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt

Cause here, here we are, Here we are

What a beautiful mess, this is

It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth




And tides they turn and hearts disfigure

But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts

But it's nice today.

Oh the wait was so worth it.

*j.mraz

Blessed are the peacemakers

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 

Matthew 5:3-10

 

I wish you would

Vote for KOB to go to NYC.




Send KOB to NYC!


KOB (pronounced cobe) is a friend of mine and is a really great and talented guy. I had the pleasure of meeting and his "crew" - Ashley, Lauren and Verse Uno - a couple weekend ago in Mankato. He was doing a show that Ella and I attended because our other friend was in it, too. Anyways, it'd be really great to see him go, he's so sweet and deserving. His new mixtape is awesome, my favorite songs have to be David Letterman, Ego remix and Life & Times.

Check out his video, CLICK 10 stars and let's see him to go NYC.

I wanna rock right now

I wanna

I wanna rock right now

come on rock that body

just sayin'.

simple joys.

                   caribou cold press + white chocolate.

new peep toe pumps

a simple email from someone special.
sunshine.

                                                    diet coke.

licorice.

                                   country music.
                          michael buble, "moondance"
wedding plans for miss alyss.
                                      jack the cat. ((meow))
                                                                            coffee dates.
                                   shopping.
      smiles. 
                            h o p e --> for: the future. friends. l.o.v.e.
           monday. a *great* monday.
                                                                  finding inspiration in unlikely places.
               grandma.
                                                                   ::peace::

what i'd give

to be at the Twins game today.

*sigh*

I'll go soon, really.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to my blogger girls :) 

-LMZ

storyofmylife

Honestly, being single is great. [Being in a relationship has it perks as well] As of late I've really enjoyed my "me" time. Of course, someday, Mr. Perfect will come along and sweep me off my pretty & pedicured, peep-toe pump wearing feet.

Until then, I enjoy my time with myself. I love coming home to a big empty [except jack of course] apartment, taking off all my clothes and walk around in my underwear while I read my mail and think of what to have for dinner. Then I usually put on my work out clothes and head down to Anytime or go for a walk or jog. I don't have to worry about arranging my schedule for someone else, other than my best friends.

Of course we're aware my <3 for John Mayer. His newest CD, Battle Studies, is all about heartbreak and breakups. So perfect. In fact there's a song called "perfectly lonely" and that, my friends, is my theme song. I'll share with you...

Had a little love, but I spread it thin

Falling in her arms and out again

Made a bad name for my game 'round town

Tore out my heart, shut it down

Nothing to do, nowhere to be

A simple little kind of free

Nothing to do, no one but me

And that's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

I see my friends around from time to time

When their ladies let 'em slip away

And when they ask me how I'm doin' with mine

This is always what I say

Nothing to do, nowhere to be

A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do, no one to be

Is it really hard to see why

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say there never comes a day

I'll take my chances and start again

And when I look behind on all my younger times

I'll have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely

I'm perfectly lonely, yeah

'Cause I don't belong to anyone, and nobody belongs to me

Oh Mr. Mayer. You make my heart happy.

I don't know why..

But I love this guy!!! 

....so I made a nice little drawing at work.

Just another Friday.

64 degrees.

Afternoon thunderstorm.

finebyme.

tonight: homework
Saturday: homework. work? dinner date.
Sunday: Easter! Mass @ St. Thomas More, G-ma's.

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together

For Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Forever

Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends

Lookin' like another, "Maybe we can be friends."

I've been leaving it up to fate

It's my life so it's mine to make

 

I ain't settlin'

For just getting by

I've had enough so-so

For the rest of my life

Tired of shooting too low

So raise the bar high

"Just enough," ain't enough this time

I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything