I don't know why..

But I love this guy!!! 

....so I made a nice little drawing at work.

Just another Friday.

64 degrees.

Afternoon thunderstorm.

finebyme.

tonight: homework
Saturday: homework. work? dinner date.
Sunday: Easter! Mass @ St. Thomas More, G-ma's.

Fifteen minutes left to throw me together

For Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Forever

Don't know why I even try when I know how it ends

Lookin' like another, "Maybe we can be friends."

I've been leaving it up to fate

It's my life so it's mine to make

 

I ain't settlin'

For just getting by

I've had enough so-so

For the rest of my life

Tired of shooting too low

So raise the bar high

"Just enough," ain't enough this time

I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything

&more

oh-fer-caute

http://www.weheartit.com/, new fav addicting website.

as of late.

First: I love those two. I was browsing old photos and stumbled across this. My heart was happy.

Second: Haven't actually written anything in a while. So here goes some stuff on my mind...

I've spent the past couple weeks really reflecting on myself; my past, my present and what I want in my future. I truly believe that every encounter with every person changes me. I've learned *so* much in the past few years as I've grown up. I am thankful for all of those changes that had to happen to make me who I am today. Most recently, Luke broke up with me. Luke and I started dating in January and I was immediately head. over. heels. He did everything perfect, he said all the right things, did all the right things.... and then decided it's not what he wanted. I trust him and I know that he meant that. I thank him for being honest with me. I realized then, more than ever, what I want. I want forever. I wasn't being honest with myself, I thought I was 'too young' or 'not there' but I realized that doesn't matter. If I were to be lucky enough to find someone that I felt, after getting to know him, etc, that he was my 'one', well I'd go for it. I know the things that are important me. value. trust. communication. honesty. respect. & someday I'll find someone that shares those with me. & we'll live happily ever after.

Oh, half of my heart's got a grip on the situation

Half of my heart takes time

Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

That I can't keep loving you

With half of my heart

Your faith is strong

But I can only fall short for so long

Down the road, later on

You will hate that I never gave more to you

Than half of my heart

Something's gotta give me butterflies

Something's gotta make me feel alive

Something's gotta give me dreams at night

Something's gotta make me feel alright

I don't know where it is

But something's gotta give

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend, and you might even fall in love with them.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing so fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you care about.

So take too many pictures, laugh too hard, and love like you've never been hurt. Because every minute spent mad or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

iwantyou.

super cute coach bag. <---- in this color

new work out clothes.

more shoes. ---> heels. peep toes. sling backs. flats. wedges. [can a girl ever have too many? no. especially with all my new closet space!]

nice big headboard for my nice new bedroom.

ILOVEMYNEWAPARTMENT

It's so big and I am never moving. EVER. again. =P

love

1. taylor swift
2. caribou coffee
3. winter/the north face/ice skating
4. ipod
5. jack (meow)

Searching all my days just to find you

I'm not sure who I'm looking forI'll know it

When I see you

Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom

Staying up all night just to write

A love song for no one

~john mayer

you and i both.

...And it's okay if you have to go away

Oh just remember the telephone works both ways

And if I never ever hear them ring

If nothing else I'll think the bells inside

Have finally found you someone else and that's okay

Cause I'll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved what you and I spoke of
and others just read of and if you could see me now
well I'm almost finally out of.
I'm finally out of...
well I'm almost finally, finally, out of words.
-j.mraz

just haven't met you yet...

I might have to wait

I’ll never give up

I guess it's half timin'

and the other half's luck

Wherever you are

Whenever it's right

You'll come outta nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazin'

And baby your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And promise you kid

I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet.

the more:

• bad dates I have
• I see my friends in relationships they shouldn't be in
• I get to know myself
• I get to know what I want
• I get hit on by creepers
• I appreciate myself

.... the more I know that someday, there will be someone just *perfect* for me. I think it'll be a perfect compliment. I think I'll be inspired. I think it'll be love.at.first.sight.

&& until then. I'm happy. :o) Life is goood.

~l <3

meet me in chicago <3

Meet me in Chicago

Down by the water line

Step across the gold coast

To my heart and to your wine

<3 Pandora

You paint a picture on the wall

Cause you've got a lot to tell me

But you don't think you could say it better oh baby

You're bringing up times I can't recall

And I'm sure they made your point

But I just can't seem to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feeling

And I can't say I'm agreeing

With your topic of conversation S

o just listen to the reasons

And the hints I've been giving

To the thoughts of my imagination

So come on let me see

I say baby you are amazing

I want to let you see

That you are everything and more to me

I will let you be I will I will

Cause I saw you walking down the hall

And I had a lot to tell you

But I didn't think you could say it better oh baby

You're good at makin me feel so small

And I know you made your point

But I just don't want to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feelin

And I cant say I'm agreein with your topic of conversation

So just listen to the reasons

And the hints that I've been giving

To the thoughts of my imagination

Cause I'm dancing around

In your world of play

I'm takin my time to make sure you stay

I would give my life to make it okay

So come on let me see...

~josh kelley

girlfriends: if you are not using Pandora, you need to! It's so great. I am on John Mayer radio right now. That song (Amazing) just came on. Makes me want to dance. :)

I was totally going to do a fancy cute thing like Meggers and Carrie BUT I'm so sleepy.

So it's so crazy busy at work that they're giving us laptops to work at home. On top of working from 8am-6pm M-F.

So much for taking an extra class next term. Mer. It's ok. It'll be ok. I actually do like working and am glad I can justify sitting on the couch by having my laptop on my lap. Working. Getting paid!

loves.

Saint Paul

Just when I had you off my head

Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed

You say you wanna try again

But I've tried everything but giving in

Why you wanna break my heart again

Why am I gonna let you try

I love you more than songs can say

But I can't keep running after yesterday

So why you wanna break my heart again

Why am I gonna let you try

-john mayer.all we ever do is say goodbye

battle studies

2009

meow

I love my cat, Jack :]

broken <3

David came over last night for our weekly dinner date. He shared with me that he met someone on Saturday night. And he wanted to see where it was going to go. But that he loved me and cared for me and only wanted the best for me. He wants to be in my life blah blah blah...

and it hurts. soo bad. Here I was.. ready.. ready to make it work, to make US work and BAM. Like a ton of bricks. Right to the heart. Hmph. =(

decisions...

SO I had a meeting with my advisor last night! I'll be done with school in December of 2012.... It seems like a lonngggg time away but I know it's not, and I know it'll fly! I am excited because I'm minoring in sales! I have some credits for electives but decided to pick up a minor. So my major will be Marketing and Management, and my minor is Sales.

My pickle is this:

MBA or MAOL?

MBA is a Master's of Business Administration & MAOL is an 'alternative' to the MBA; it is a Master's of Organziational Leadership.....

Hmmm...

Well, four years ago I was set on being a social work major.
& now I'm totally NOT that...

so... only time will tell :)

~L

thankful.

this is me procrastinating studying....

Thanksgiving is coming up and this year, I have *so* much to be thankful for.

On September 22nd, 2009 my 14 year old brother was hit by a truck while riding his bike. He was airlifted to North Memorial Hospital. Seeing him laying the E.R. was the most devistating image in my mind. We knew he'd make it, but would he know who we were? When you're hit by a truck going 30 mph and you're not wearing a helmet, it's a scary thing and it's a possibility you will have severe brain damage. The first few days were the worst. After Logan got out of surgery, before they took out his breathing tubes, he ripped them out himself. He was crying, but couldn't cry... he had tears coming out his eyes.

To this day, I have nightmares about losing my brother. He had an angel with him, that is for sure. We are lucky that we are 7 weeks out and he's out of a cast for his broken leg and into a wheelchair. He is back in school and overall, doing well. He has a little bit of trauma stress, too... especially if anyone talks about it. He doesn't remember anything about it.

My senior year of high school (2005), my brother Justin moved away. He went to live in a boys type home in Milaca, MN. I didn't see him until September of 2005. It was 9 months. I was hysterical. Everytime after that, it got better. But, it's been a long road for him. It's been 4+ years and probably 5 or 6 different treatment facilities but if all is well, he'll be discharged, for good, on Friday...

This Thanksgiving is the first since 2004 that I'll be with my mom and brothers. My brothers are my rocks. I would do anything and give anything for either of them. I love them both with all my heart. I don't know what I would do if I lost either of them. Thankfully, I do not have to think about that. I have two healthy and vibrant brothers to share my life with.

But you're

Untouchable

Burning brighter than the sun

And now that you're close

I feel like coming undone

In the middle of the night

When I'm in this dream

It's like a million little stars

Spelling out your name

You gotta, come on, come on

Say that we'll be together

...litte taste of heaven..

untouchable--[t.swift]

amazing.

By far the best product.. ever. This smells soooo good. I won the conditioner at work and am now wanting to purchase *everything*.

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

maybe our mistakes are what make our fate ~carrie bradshaw

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. -- Author Unknown

"What happens when he's your prince charming, but you're not his cinderella?"

love.never.fails.

for God is greater than our hearts
and knows everything.
Beloved, if (our) hearts do not condemn us,
we have confidence in God
and receive from him whatever we ask

i have faith.

i have faith that if i take a step back & stop analyzing, that everything will work out.

i know that i am happy as i am.

i know that the *one* i want, the *one* i love, loves me too.

he makes me want to be a better person.

he makes me smile.

he makes me laugh.

i know that what's meant to be

will find it's way

i trust.

trust.

i trust. & hope. & pray. & love.

i am ready now.

come get me.

i'm ready.

st. paul.

I love St. Paul. I can not rave enough about the 651. I had *the best* St. Paul day on Saturday the 24th. I walked from my apartment, to Grand Ave. Spent the entire day on Grand. Met Kelly for lunch. Shopped. Went to Cossetta's with Ella. Went out at night with Kelly and Dana. Had a great, great night. I love St. Paul. & Securian. =]

snazzy.

Well it's been over a month - almost 2 months - since I've posted. I drew a litte inspiration off Meggie's blog. She's such a good writer. So, some news:

On the break up front, I'm over that whole thing! I truly believe that *everything happens for a reason* & that at that point I could not see it and was devastated, but now, I am happy. I am fine. I am excited for this new thing, singlehood, which will prepare me for MNBF, as I like to call him... [my next boyfriend]. I think it's clever. Anyway, I have been told that I need to not have this "list" of things I will or won't have in someone I date, but I think, it's okay to not want to date a felon (more on that later) or to not date someone that wears white socks with work clothes... or to make sure the next person I date not only has standards but dreams and desires. I won't settle. & I think that is perfectly OK. But I also learned something from that relationship, as I realize, I learn from every human interaction in my life. I also learned that I'm not totally over my real, true love.. David. I miss him a lot. Especially in the Fall, as we spent the past 3 Falls together... I have changed and grown soo much since we've been apart and I *wish* we could be together.... BUT. We're not. So.... on I go.... living, and learning...

In other news: MY BFF Alyssa got engaged! I am *so* happy for her - and honored! I get to be a bridesmaid! Alyssa and I have been friends since 7th grade. That is SO long! That means I've known Meggers since she was in 5th grade. I remember her - basketball playing, cat loving, Meagan! Anyway, I am so so so SO excited, I have never been a bridesmaid before! We already picked our dresses and they are to die for. SO cute. I love them. Alyssa's ring and dress are beautiful. I am confident that the wedding will be great and her and Mike will have a wonderful, happy married life together. <3>

School is going well. Granted, I have one class.... I like the weekend college format and I love St. Kate's, a lot. Someday when I get married [to MNBF ;)] it will be at St. Kate's. Or the Cathedral. I don't know which one just yet :) I just know that whenever it happens, it'll be perfect. Maybe 2 years, maybe 10. Who knows! There is a plan for me, so we shall see.

Work is good. We have been CRAZY busy at Securian.... and I like that, but I hate feeling so behind all the time and never getting anything done... Sometimes I wish that I could just do school, and not have to work.. but then I snap out of it. I am sort of feeling that way today.... thinking life would be easier if I didn't work 40 + hours a week, if I could just have classes and study and do homework.. but then I remember that I have to have a job in order to pay my rent! And I think, well I'll just move to Grandma's! then I think... no... I like my apartment and my independence... so... I just stay content!

Mr. Jack is so naughty. Jack is my cat, btw. He's such a little twerp and always getting into something. The other night, I was moving my bed around and he decided to help... He's so bad but so stinkin' cute, I can't resist him!

Mmkay. Ella's coming down for lunch. Chicken Strips & Mashed Potatoes. A highlight in the caf at Securian (like Italian Dunkers in school).

~L

//i ain't settlin, or just getting by, i've had enough so-so for the rest of my life, tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high, cause love ain't enough this time. i ain't settling, for anything less than everything...\\

it's gonna hurt bad before it gets better...

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

It just hit me last night that I am single again... That Nick dumped ME. It's been a while since I've been the dumpee rather than the dumper. It hurts. I remember why I put up walls after David and why I didn't want to get into a relationship. Because I hate the feeling of walking around somewhere and thinking of that other person. I am ready to be single; I need to be single. But, I also need to not pretend it doesn't hurt and that I am not sad. Because I am. And it does hurt. And I am sad. I'm sad because I'll miss Nick. He was quirky and cute and funny. I'll miss having someone to spend time with. I will miss him. But... I just need to give it time and it will all be okay.

~L

It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way
keith urban.tonight i wanna cry.

thankyou~thankyou~thankyou!

Thanks to everyone for coming out for my Bday. It was a blast :)

On a side note - Nick broke up with me last night! I am doing just fine... sometimes things just aren't meant to be! So I'll be sad for a few days but then I'll move on and get over it.

love love.

L

Don't let me stop you from doing what you wanna do
You don't wanna stick, trust me it's cool, take no chance, get over you
No, no don't let me stop you, if you wanna leave baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me if it ain't true
No don't let me stop you
-k.clarkson. don't let me stop you.

Whoa.

I have been soo busy....

update:

I moved a couple of weeks ago! I am back to where I belong: THE STP! *so* close to work. I live right near the Cathedral, and let me tell you, it is beautiful. I love waking up and going outside to head to work to see the sun rising and reflecting off of it. It is a 1 bedroom apartment and it's just me and my cat, Jack. So amazing! AND my best friend, Ella, lives across the hall. Perfection.

I can't believe summer is almost over! It went wayyy to quick, as always.

My 22nd birthday is coming up. I can't believe I'll be 22! Turning 21 was so exciting, and now, 22 is just sort of like, meh...

I am going back to St. Kate's. I am enrolled in the Weekend College Program. My major is Marketing and Management. I am very excited.

Work is crazy busy. I love it though. It keeps me on my toes! I love Securian and I love working and being a grown up!

That's all for now.

~L

I haven't written lately and now will just be a shorty! I'm going to post my favorite pic from my weekend in Chicago! That was over Memorial weekend, so, a few weeks ago!

Navy Pier!

the Ferris Wheel!

Skyline

omigosh!

I saw blue shirt boy today in the caf.

I think we're meant to be because I got switched to later lunch, 12:30 now, and today, on my way over there I was thinking to myself that I probably wouldn't be seeing him anymore because I normally saw him around 12 or 12:15. So I walked into the caf, and BAM, there he was. I thought it was a sign. So I followed him around, to try and figure out what he was getting for lunch, and I ended up in the hot salad line, while he was at the grill line. So while I was staring at him my friend Annette that I haven't seen a while popped out of nowhere! We were chatting and I lost track of him. Then I explained to her that he's my secert love and that I had to watch him so, like any good friend, she watched him with me!

Nothing exciting, although, he did smile at me. Yayy! :) hehehe.

Old School! This is from Turkey Day 2005. Good times! lovelovelove you girls!

I bet you're in a bar

Listening to a country song

Glass of Johnny Walker Red

With no one to take you home

it's all wrong::it's so right

Confession: David and I have been talking/seeing each other lately. I know that I am not in place for boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. I desperately enjoy the companionship. I miss different parts of our relationship. I don't miss other parts. I want to erase and go back to the good times, the good days. So, here's the thing: we had lunch on Sunday. It was fine, nothing to spectacular. It made me miss our good times even more. I wished I was going home to him and Penelope, to our regular Sunday activities - laundry, dishes, walks, talks, cooking dinner, taking a nap...

Last night, David called me. Well OK I lied. I texted him, said that I was feeling lonely. He texted me back 2 hours later, and I texted him back. Then I called him. HE didn't answer, so he called me back. So he asked if I wanted him to come over. Had that been 2 hours earlier, I would have said yes. However, I had gotten my head out of the gutter at this point so I politely declined his offer. After chatting, he asked if I wanted to see him this weekend sometime, maybe Sunday night. I said I wasn't sure, but I'd let him know. So, then he says to me, I love you. He says he wants me to know that he loves me and he always will. He said he misses "us" and that right now, neither of us are at a point that would be healthy to harvest a relationship. He then told me that he wants to be with me at some point but he isn't sure if he wants to be with me forever. Umm. HOLD THE PHONE. Who's talking about forever? I can't even commit to an apartment or a gym for longer than 4 months. Part of me can see myself with D, forever. Part of me can't. THEN I decided to stop worrying and quit caring. To take each day as it is and whatever happens, happens. Is D my Mr. Big? Will we go off on our seperate ways and be together in the end? I don't know. And frankly, it's not my place or time to worry. I'm young, single and fabulous. I guess it just sort of hurt hearing him say that. Well, it didn't really hurt. I actually cracked up in laughter. That's the LAST thing on my mind.

-l

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It’s 2am and I'm cursing your name
I’m so in love that I acted insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you

sex&&the.city

I'm on a sex and the city kick. Here's a few of my favorite quotes::

maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed

maybe they just need to run free til they

find someone just as wild to run with them.

i revealed too much too soon

...i was emotionally slutty.

I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific.

No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

::leah::

PS

RYAN IS ON TOUR!
Too bad, the closest place to us is Chicago... May 3rd.. Oh, that's less than a month away + it's on a Sunday night. [road trip?] WHY RYAN? WHY? I am going to send them an email and say, double you, tee, eff? Sad face. =(
My heart breaks a little everytime I see him, because I love hiM!! Love love lvelevoevpeoveoljakljdlfkajsflksdajf.
kkbye

"Cause I'm looking at your picture

Cause it's all I've got

Maybe one day you and me will have

One more shot"

~photo

and I'm back.. on facebook!! OK I am done deactivating and reactivating!!!

Oh so I went to Britney Spears on friday night and hmmm. she's amazing!!

Umm, I started my new job today. Same department, same supervisor, just got a promotion, new job responsibilites..yay!

I didn't see Blue Shirt Boy in the caf today. I did see another very cute man, but he was married. Bummer.

Well since I'm on my lunch break, I should get back to eating and then working! The morning has flown by. :)

lovelove<3

I am so hot and cold. I deactivated facebook again :( this time, not going back. Oh crazy leah, what are we going to do?

Really, Mother Nature?

April 1st. Snow. Really? I just want to see the sunshine, and wear sunglasses while driving with the window open. Is that *so* much to ask for? Arrrghhh. It's been a long and cold, cold winter. Ready for the Spring. ASAP. Then Summer. Then Fall! Ahh, Fall!!!!

My new kitty is so silly and crazy. Last night, he destroyed 3 rolls of toilet paper. He has seperation anxiety. His sistercat was in the bathroom with Jen (she likes to look at herself in the mirror [the cat, not my roomie]) and I was at the gym. Luckily, Jen cleaned it up but she said they were shredded in the downstairs bathroom! Ohhh, little jack. So silly. Also, he is not a graceful cat. Guess he gets that from me. You know how when you're holding a cat in your arms and they want to jump down? Well, on many occasions, he will jump down [he's not too cuddly. and he's very emotional.] and not land on his feet. In fact, I don't think that he's ever landed on his feet. He lands on his side. Ohhh Jack, what are we are going to do with you?

Oh last night I worked out and it was very intense! I was there for an hour and a half! I drove allllll the way to lifetime and forgot my headphones for my ipod. WEll, I cannot workout with music, how boring! I love to rock out to a little K clarkson and mr ryan cabrera... So I went back home, got those, went all the way back and it was worth it. There are also very cute boys that I enjoy watching work out. Boys. Oh boys! :)

~L

PS didn't make it far without facebook. one week + one day. Oh well. I was bored at home and myspace sorta sucks, so I logged back in. I have no self control. Facebook is good. :)

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

~meredith grey [grey's anatomy]

he's just NOT that into you.

Yep. This is where the story ends! Hmm. During this trying and 'soul searching' period of my life, I have come across a revelation; an epiphany, if you will. With some help from a nice little book, I know, that if someone isn't making an effort, they're not into you. I'm done wasting my time trying to date someone who is wasting my time because they don't want to date me but have no balls to say, I don't want to date you anymore. Maybe I am just over reacting because I am a very over analytical and emotional person, but maybe I should just listen to my gut. Only time will tell.

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.
-He's Just Not That Into You

-L

PS: I am no longer on Facebook (I know, right?) so my real friends [my 2 that read this ;)] will have to contact me in real life! lovelove

Sunday Funday

This Sunday, March 15th, will be a fabulous day! Alyssa, Meggers and I have a whole fab day planned! We are going to lunch at Olive Garden, followed by an adventure at Caribou where we can burn Ryan Cabrera onto my laptop! Yayyy!!

Dane!!

I am going to see Dane Cook, comedian extraordinaire, on June 13th, 2009.

I am sooooo excited! I am mildly obsessed with Mr. Cook.

Wooooo!!!!