it's all wrong::it's so right

Confession: David and I have been talking/seeing each other lately. I know that I am not in place for boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. I desperately enjoy the companionship. I miss different parts of our relationship. I don't miss other parts. I want to erase and go back to the good times, the good days. So, here's the thing: we had lunch on Sunday. It was fine, nothing to spectacular. It made me miss our good times even more. I wished I was going home to him and Penelope, to our regular Sunday activities - laundry, dishes, walks, talks, cooking dinner, taking a nap...

Last night, David called me. Well OK I lied. I texted him, said that I was feeling lonely. He texted me back 2 hours later, and I texted him back. Then I called him. HE didn't answer, so he called me back. So he asked if I wanted him to come over. Had that been 2 hours earlier, I would have said yes. However, I had gotten my head out of the gutter at this point so I politely declined his offer. After chatting, he asked if I wanted to see him this weekend sometime, maybe Sunday night. I said I wasn't sure, but I'd let him know. So, then he says to me, I love you. He says he wants me to know that he loves me and he always will. He said he misses "us" and that right now, neither of us are at a point that would be healthy to harvest a relationship. He then told me that he wants to be with me at some point but he isn't sure if he wants to be with me forever. Umm. HOLD THE PHONE. Who's talking about forever? I can't even commit to an apartment or a gym for longer than 4 months. Part of me can see myself with D, forever. Part of me can't. THEN I decided to stop worrying and quit caring. To take each day as it is and whatever happens, happens. Is D my Mr. Big? Will we go off on our seperate ways and be together in the end? I don't know. And frankly, it's not my place or time to worry. I'm young, single and fabulous. I guess it just sort of hurt hearing him say that. Well, it didn't really hurt. I actually cracked up in laughter. That's the LAST thing on my mind.

-l

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It’s 2am and I'm cursing your name
I’m so in love that I acted insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you