I haven't written lately and now will just be a shorty! I'm going to post my favorite pic from my weekend in Chicago! That was over Memorial weekend, so, a few weeks ago!

Navy Pier!

the Ferris Wheel!

Skyline

omigosh!

I saw blue shirt boy today in the caf.

I think we're meant to be because I got switched to later lunch, 12:30 now, and today, on my way over there I was thinking to myself that I probably wouldn't be seeing him anymore because I normally saw him around 12 or 12:15. So I walked into the caf, and BAM, there he was. I thought it was a sign. So I followed him around, to try and figure out what he was getting for lunch, and I ended up in the hot salad line, while he was at the grill line. So while I was staring at him my friend Annette that I haven't seen a while popped out of nowhere! We were chatting and I lost track of him. Then I explained to her that he's my secert love and that I had to watch him so, like any good friend, she watched him with me!

Nothing exciting, although, he did smile at me. Yayy! :) hehehe.

Old School! This is from Turkey Day 2005. Good times! lovelovelove you girls!

I bet you're in a bar

Listening to a country song

Glass of Johnny Walker Red

With no one to take you home

it's all wrong::it's so right

Confession: David and I have been talking/seeing each other lately. I know that I am not in place for boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. I desperately enjoy the companionship. I miss different parts of our relationship. I don't miss other parts. I want to erase and go back to the good times, the good days. So, here's the thing: we had lunch on Sunday. It was fine, nothing to spectacular. It made me miss our good times even more. I wished I was going home to him and Penelope, to our regular Sunday activities - laundry, dishes, walks, talks, cooking dinner, taking a nap...

Last night, David called me. Well OK I lied. I texted him, said that I was feeling lonely. He texted me back 2 hours later, and I texted him back. Then I called him. HE didn't answer, so he called me back. So he asked if I wanted him to come over. Had that been 2 hours earlier, I would have said yes. However, I had gotten my head out of the gutter at this point so I politely declined his offer. After chatting, he asked if I wanted to see him this weekend sometime, maybe Sunday night. I said I wasn't sure, but I'd let him know. So, then he says to me, I love you. He says he wants me to know that he loves me and he always will. He said he misses "us" and that right now, neither of us are at a point that would be healthy to harvest a relationship. He then told me that he wants to be with me at some point but he isn't sure if he wants to be with me forever. Umm. HOLD THE PHONE. Who's talking about forever? I can't even commit to an apartment or a gym for longer than 4 months. Part of me can see myself with D, forever. Part of me can't. THEN I decided to stop worrying and quit caring. To take each day as it is and whatever happens, happens. Is D my Mr. Big? Will we go off on our seperate ways and be together in the end? I don't know. And frankly, it's not my place or time to worry. I'm young, single and fabulous. I guess it just sort of hurt hearing him say that. Well, it didn't really hurt. I actually cracked up in laughter. That's the LAST thing on my mind.

-l

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It’s 2am and I'm cursing your name
I’m so in love that I acted insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you

sex&&the.city

I'm on a sex and the city kick. Here's a few of my favorite quotes::

maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed

maybe they just need to run free til they

find someone just as wild to run with them.

i revealed too much too soon

...i was emotionally slutty.

I wanted a man who'd commit, not a man who was committed. Apparently we have to be more specific.

No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

::leah::

PS

RYAN IS ON TOUR!
Too bad, the closest place to us is Chicago... May 3rd.. Oh, that's less than a month away + it's on a Sunday night. [road trip?] WHY RYAN? WHY? I am going to send them an email and say, double you, tee, eff? Sad face. =(
My heart breaks a little everytime I see him, because I love hiM!! Love love lvelevoevpeoveoljakljdlfkajsflksdajf.
kkbye

"Cause I'm looking at your picture

Cause it's all I've got

Maybe one day you and me will have

One more shot"

~photo

and I'm back.. on facebook!! OK I am done deactivating and reactivating!!!

Oh so I went to Britney Spears on friday night and hmmm. she's amazing!!

Umm, I started my new job today. Same department, same supervisor, just got a promotion, new job responsibilites..yay!

I didn't see Blue Shirt Boy in the caf today. I did see another very cute man, but he was married. Bummer.

Well since I'm on my lunch break, I should get back to eating and then working! The morning has flown by. :)

lovelove<3

I am so hot and cold. I deactivated facebook again :( this time, not going back. Oh crazy leah, what are we going to do?

Really, Mother Nature?

April 1st. Snow. Really? I just want to see the sunshine, and wear sunglasses while driving with the window open. Is that *so* much to ask for? Arrrghhh. It's been a long and cold, cold winter. Ready for the Spring. ASAP. Then Summer. Then Fall! Ahh, Fall!!!!

My new kitty is so silly and crazy. Last night, he destroyed 3 rolls of toilet paper. He has seperation anxiety. His sistercat was in the bathroom with Jen (she likes to look at herself in the mirror [the cat, not my roomie]) and I was at the gym. Luckily, Jen cleaned it up but she said they were shredded in the downstairs bathroom! Ohhh, little jack. So silly. Also, he is not a graceful cat. Guess he gets that from me. You know how when you're holding a cat in your arms and they want to jump down? Well, on many occasions, he will jump down [he's not too cuddly. and he's very emotional.] and not land on his feet. In fact, I don't think that he's ever landed on his feet. He lands on his side. Ohhh Jack, what are we are going to do with you?

Oh last night I worked out and it was very intense! I was there for an hour and a half! I drove allllll the way to lifetime and forgot my headphones for my ipod. WEll, I cannot workout with music, how boring! I love to rock out to a little K clarkson and mr ryan cabrera... So I went back home, got those, went all the way back and it was worth it. There are also very cute boys that I enjoy watching work out. Boys. Oh boys! :)

~L

PS didn't make it far without facebook. one week + one day. Oh well. I was bored at home and myspace sorta sucks, so I logged back in. I have no self control. Facebook is good. :)

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

~meredith grey [grey's anatomy]

he's just NOT that into you.

Yep. This is where the story ends! Hmm. During this trying and 'soul searching' period of my life, I have come across a revelation; an epiphany, if you will. With some help from a nice little book, I know, that if someone isn't making an effort, they're not into you. I'm done wasting my time trying to date someone who is wasting my time because they don't want to date me but have no balls to say, I don't want to date you anymore. Maybe I am just over reacting because I am a very over analytical and emotional person, but maybe I should just listen to my gut. Only time will tell.

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.
-He's Just Not That Into You

-L

PS: I am no longer on Facebook (I know, right?) so my real friends [my 2 that read this ;)] will have to contact me in real life! lovelove

Sunday Funday

This Sunday, March 15th, will be a fabulous day! Alyssa, Meggers and I have a whole fab day planned! We are going to lunch at Olive Garden, followed by an adventure at Caribou where we can burn Ryan Cabrera onto my laptop! Yayyy!!

Dane!!

I am going to see Dane Cook, comedian extraordinaire, on June 13th, 2009.

I am sooooo excited! I am mildly obsessed with Mr. Cook.

Wooooo!!!!

Shattered.

I have gone back and forth and back and forth over how I feel about this. School. I know I hate it. It sucks. I hate sitting through night class after sitting at work all day. I bailed this semester. I dropped all 12 credits. I feel like a failure. The more I think about and the more I talk it through in my mind, I think it's OK. It's not something I'm proud of. For some reason, this semester has been really tough. I don't want to make excuses or try and justify anything but between working and breaking up, and moving...not to mention how I try and take everyone else's lives and fix them and take on that stress, it's been a lot. There are days where it takes everything to get out of bed. Days where I'd much rather not get up, shower, get ready for the day. And there are more of those days lately than normal. I'm still happy and smiling on the outside, but on the inside, I'm going nuts. I'm always anxious and overanalyzing every tiny detail of my life. I feel like a failure at 21, not done with (or really even close to) being done with school. I just want it all over. I just want it to be easy. I hate having to work for everything I have. I like having a safe and secure and job but I hate sitting in a cube all day. I have having to budget each paycheck for every single expense in my life. I am being really negative right now. I have many things to be grateful for my in life. I have a safe job, safe car, a great roof over my head. I have a family that loves me. I have wonderful friends who don't judge my mistakes. I know everyone has their ups and downs, but when does it get to be too much? When do you feel so overwhelmed and overloaded that you're at your breaking point? How do you overcome these feelings? I try to do it own my own. I try to wake and say, "today will be a good day". I turn on good music on the way to work, and I start to feel better. It's when I start thinking that I start going crazy.

Back to the school thing. I felt so overwhelmed. If I put my mind to it, I can do it. I had no motiviation. I started off strong but once the end of January, probably 2-3 weeks into the semester, hit, it was like there is nothing there. Even though I know how important it is for my finish school and how much I desire to have a degree, I couldn't get through it. I got lazy. Maybe it's because four years of a mediocre education has paid off for nothing. My 3rd time taking Comp I and I couldn't do it. Why can't I write a 2 page descriptive essay? There is nothing there; there is nothing inside my head. I sit down to write it and I can't. I am blank. I start typing. I type a page or two. I read it and I delete it.

My Grandma would tell me I need to suck it up and do it. She would tell me I have to work hard for what I have and that life isn't easy. She'd tell me that I have to deal the with the cards I have dealt. I know if I told her about dropping my entire courseload, she would be disappointed in me. I am disappointed in me. I know I have to get through this. This happens to me once every few years. This year, I can't just let it all go like I have in the past. I can't just up and leave my high school and move in with my grandma. I can't just cry for a few days in my room with my granny consoling me. I am an adult. I have responsibilities. If I hid out like I wanted to, I'd end up homeless. I'd be in a box on the corner somewhere.

Don't worry, I am not dying my hair black and cutting my wrists. I am just feeling...low...lately. I know it will pass. I need Spring. I need the sun. I need to open my windows and feel the breeze in the air, blowing into my bedroom. I need to stop trying to fix everyone else lives and worry about my own. I need to not worry about tomorrow, and take each day as it is. As far as school, I can re-take one of my classes this summer, online and the other one, Comp I, I will take in the Fall with the same teacher. The 3rd class, Project Management, I won't be re-enrolling in now. It doesn't go towards my major and was sort of an extra 'fun' class. It was a great class and I loved it but, right now is not that time for that. Right now, I need to focus on me.

-L

Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday. I am meeting Grandma at a church downtown here for noon mass to get my ashes. I asked her, "Grandma, do I have to wear my ashes around on my forehead all day?" [not because I am embarrassed or ashamed but because I am a huge clutz and will probably wipe my forehead with the back of my palm and get it all over my work clothes!] and she responded with, "Sweetie, it nothing to be ashamed about". Obviously I am not ashamed to wear my ashes on my head.

But, at the age of 21, I am not sure that I even know why I am doing that? I made a decision to go to church today, and to make a commitment to myself to attend mass more frequently. I miss mass. It is beautiful. I love it. I love the time to reflect. I feel like there are so many things I just don't KNOW in this world. Why do we wear ashes on Ash Wednesday? Why did the Nazi's kill the Jews? I never learned this stuff. I am happy to say I know exactly why we 'give something up' for Lent. Not because it's 'cool' or 'fun' but because Jesus [another thing I don't "know": why sometimes is he God and other times Jesus? I thought Jesus was the son of God? But they're the same? So I know that JESUS gave up his life for us, he sat at the right hand of the FATHER who I presume is GOD. Oh man!] gave up his life for us. So we can give up something for a measley 40 days.

This year for lent, I am not giving up something tangible. I am giving up neediness. Neediness. I actually was going to give up pop, but that is so cliche and thought I'd try to quit smoking...then I saw an article on Oprah.com about giving up neediness for lent. I liked that idea. I am very needy. I have an addictive personality and I get hooked way too quick on people/things. So, for the next 40 days, I am going to make an effort to enjoy ME--to not care about having a date on Friday night with a [very nice, sweet & cute] boy. I am excited and anxious. I am ready to take each day and OWN it. For each day to be MINE. I know that I can do it. I can break my bad habit of being needy and co-dependent.

L*

Some people are settling down

some are settling

and some people refuse to settle for anything less

than ::butterflies::

FML

Maybe it's the weather, or the change in seasons coming soon, but I have *no* motivation.

I am taking 3 classes this semester and I literally have no desire to do my homework. They are interesting classes: Comp 1 [easy], Theatre and finally Project Management [love this one]. Maybe it's just the week--it's been a busy week with moving, unpacking, painting....maybe it's the weather...I am not sure. How do I make myself do something. Last night, I worked out at the gym, went home and ate dinner, watched Grey's, took a shower and had myself all set up to sit and read for like an hour before bed. I couldn't do it. I had the text in front of me but just thought, ughhhh....

I mean obviously I know that everyone doesn't LOVE school...but I totally dispise it right now. Last night before bed, my last thought was, I want to drop my classes this semester. Then I told myself, just sleep it off...just sleep it off...you'll be fine the morning. Well, funny thing is, this morning, that's the FIRST thing I thought of. I thought about if I just dropped these dumb classes then I could just take it easy til the fall and not have to worry about anything. Well, obviously, I need these classes to graduate and get my degree. I need my degree to get somewhere in life. I just don't wanna. I don't wanna do it.

I need motivation. I need *something*. I need something to keep me going, and right now, I don't feel like I have anything.

I am one who always rushes into things and has no patience. I want instant gratification. all the time. If I say to myself, I want to drop my classes, for example, I want to do it ASAP. I don't want to wait around. Well, I am going to wait around on it. I am going to force myself to finish what needs to be done this weekend...I have to finish a paper/start a new one...do a discussion online..start working on my project for project management...laundry...go to Gustavus to see Ella's play...

OK I'm going to get a campfire mocha....

-lmz

Cats...

We all love cats, a lot, but....


St. Anthony, MN - Animal Humane Society officials have rescued 118 cats from a St. Anthony mobile home where the smell was so bad they had to call in the fire department to ventilate the home.
Armed with nets and wearing protective masks, a rescue crew worked for nearly two hours to gather up the cats Tuesday. Police were called after someone complained about the smell.
Police Chief John Ohl says the couple who lived there are nice people but had issues with hoarding.
Animal control officers say they removed 72 cats from the couple's previous home in Coon Rapids in 2002.

[http://wcco.com/pets/cats.rescued.home.2.932206.html]

118 cats!!! Can you imagine??!! My gosh!! Jen and I are very excited to get a couple cats - two at the most! Poor kitties =[ We thought about going to the shelter and rescuing them. Maybe if we all pitch in we could find a home for all of them? What do we think? Yes? Aww... Hopefully they don't kill the poor kitties! It's not their fault! How do you even GET that many cats? 118. Wow. How do you FEED that many cats....I just can't get over it. Oh, Coon Rapids. You never cease to fail me!

~l

The weekend!

My roomie and me ~ Halloween 2Oo8


Last weekend was a good weekend! On Friday night, Jen and I saw "he's just not that into you", it was really cute. We went to Champp's in Woodbury for some yummy fries and seasoned sour cream and pasta! I moved one box into my new place. I am going over tonight with my [infinite amounts of] laundry and a couple more boxes!

Saturday I ran errands. I went bed shopping which, by the way, sucks. Beds are so expensive! I cannot believe it. I had a nice date on Saturday night. I went to the Bulldog, a nice beer bar in Lowertown, DT STP on Mear's Park, with my date, and we met up with my friend Tracy and Tracy's friend Matt. It was a lot of fun, until I had a tiny sip of Patron and vomited in the bathroom. Gross. I hate tequila.

Sunday was very lazy, mostly because of the fact I was extremely hungover. I cured it with a lunch date at the Wild Onion for build your own bloody mary! So fun! =] I did homework the rest of the day and laid pretty low!

Back to work..blahh!!

leah