Friday night
I'm going nowhere
All the lights are changing green to red
Turning over TV stations
Situations running through my head
Well looking back through time
You know it's clear that I've been blind
I've been a fool
To ever open up my heart
To all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule

Saturday I'm running wild
And all the lights are changing red to green
Moving through the crowd I'm pushing
Chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream
Only wish that you were here
You know I'm seeing it so clear
I've been afraid
To tell you how I really feel
Admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon

Sunday all the lights of London
Shining , Sky is fading red to blue
I'm kicking through the Autumn leaves
And wondering where it is you might be going to
Turning back for home
You know I'm feeling so alone
I can't believe
Climbing on the stair
I turn around to see you smiling there
In front of me

If you want it
Come and get it
Crying out loud
The love that I was
Giving you was
Never in doubt
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now
Let go your heart
Let go your head
And feel it now

Babylon, Babylon, Babylon

Probably

It's probably still best that we're broken up, but I think there are going to be stages I have to through before I am fully healed. The first I feel like is anger. I was very angry regarding the whole situation. The lies, the deceit. I was mad. And that is what made it easy to be gone. And now I'm starting to feel the second stage, which is...I can't quite pinpoint the emotion...I'm sad, but I wouldn't call it 'sad' because I know that I am doing the right thing. I think maybe it's the letting go stage? Letting go of everything, the fact I won't be spending the summer at the lake with his family, the fact we won't be sitting out on the boat every weekend and spending Sunday golfing together. I have to try to remember the anger and the hurt, the bad things, to keep me from going back. I haven't talked to David since Monday. It doesn't seem like that long but each day drags on. I feel like each day is better than the last, but inside I know I'm not OK. But I know I don't want to go back to that. I can't. I can't be made to feel like I'm a basketcase with no control of my emotions. I haven't even begun to THINK about how I'll spend the rest of the summer at Grandma's...doing nothing each night expect walking around Como and reading a book. Maybe that's relaxing, though. Maybe I can spend more time with me...maybe I can spend more time not being dependent on someone else. That's what I can try. I need to stay positive. It's hard, I'll admit that, and I think today's really the first day I'm feeling vunerable. I'm feeling like I'm ready to give in at any minute, and that's not OK.

Gone.

There's gone for good, and there's good and gone
And there's gone with the long before it
I wish she'd been just a little more clear.
Well, there's gone for the day and gone for the night
And gone for the rest of your dog-gone life.
Is it a whiskey night, or just a couple beers?I
mean what kinda' gone are we talkin' 'bout here?

I looked at your face
I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time
I saw that you couldn't care less about what you do
You couldn't care less about the lies
You couldn't find the time to cry
We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us
Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky
In heaven, where it began
Back in God's hands
You said that you had said all that you had to say
You say 'baby, it's the end of the day'We gave a lot but it wasn't enough
We got so tired that we just gave up
Now our love's floating out the window
Our love's floating out the back door
Our love's floating up in the sky
In heaven, where it began
Back in God's hands, back in God's hands
We didn't respect it
We went and neglect it
We didn't deserve it
But I never expected this
Our love floated out the window
Our love floated out the back door
Our love floated up in the sky
To heaven, it's part of a plan
It's back in God's hands, back in God's hands
Oh, we didn't last, it's a thing of the past
No we didn't understand just what we had

UGH!

I hate St. Kate's. That school SUCKS. They won't release my transcript unitl I don't owe them anything anymore. Keep in mind I'm PAYING them every month until November!!! SO I can't transfer in the fall, I have to stick out one more semester at St Paul College. And Ihate that. It makes me so upset. All of the classes I want to take, they aren't offered @ night. SO, when am I supposed to go to class? At 2pm on Thursday??? I WISH!! But I can't.

We didn't get the apartment. I was pretty bummed out. There is another really nice one on the same block, it's alot nicer inside than this, granite countertops, dishwasher, washer, dryer..but it's $1,000/month. We can afford that. We can't come up with $1,000 for the deposit. And then pay rent for two places for the month of June. It's too much. It sucks.

I had a job interview yesterday. It's here @ Securian. In the Claims department, a claims examiner. The interview went well, I would like the job a lot, it seems like something I'd be really good at. But, there are 8 other internal applicants. So, that pretty much leaves me at the bottom, with the least experience, yada yada. Oh well. Looks like I'm stuck =(

I am feeling a little like negative nancy. I am just pissed. Why can't things just be easy. Why can't Metro State admit me without my grades from st kate's because they are shitty anyways and I don't really want to transfer those credits, because the grades are so fucking bad. Ugh...>!>>!>>!>!

lmz